Consequences in "why to ask first"

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because if you go on a date with someone, you are giving them permission to have sex with you? there is so much wrong with what you've said....so tired of having these same discussions again and again.

agreeing to a date is not the same as agreeing to making out or intercourse--if i go on a date with a guy, that doesn't mean he has the right to push sex on me that i don't want. also, if a person persists with sexual relations and the other person is afraid to fight because he/she might get violent so they just close their eyes and wait for it to be over--that's still rape, even though it's not "violent" by your standards. if a person is unconscious and so doesn't say no or fight because they're unconscious--that's still rape. if a guy tells a girl if she doesn't have sex with him he will hurt someone she cares about, so she goes along and doesn't fight him--that's still rape.

I've asked to kiss girls on dates and they've told me later that ruined the date for them. An ex of mine even told me to not ask.

Why meet outside of a group or public environment? Why go to frat parties? Why drink alcohol or take drugs? I do neither. If you are out running, never go alone and be extremely cautious of who you trust. My point is that there are measures you can take to protect yourself and if you're going around, awkwardly kissing someone, you should be sure it is what you want.

Why meet outside of a group or public environment? Why go to frat parties? Why drink alcohol or take drugs? I do neither. If you are out running, never go alone and be extremely cautious of who you trust. My point is that there are measures you can take to protect yourself and if you're going around, awkwardly kissing someone, you should be sure it is what you want.

your ex girlfriend doesn't speak for me or for any other woman but herself.

Signals can be subtle: so wait, a genius at reading "yes please kiss/etc. me" is suddenly oblivious when the signal is "I'm not so into this, it's not really what I want"?

Yeah. This is why asking is the thing to do.

There is no case in any court of law. There is very much a case in the court of this guy's professional community, where there is apparently some understanding of what sexual assaults are (note, AD, that it's a considerably broader range than "physically forced himself") and that someone who not only does such things but can't come forward and admit that it's harmful isn't someone they want amongst them.

Likewise the sci writing guy has not been accused in any court of law. But it'll be a long time, if ever, before he works in science writing again. His mere presence is enough to torpedo any project. That's what you get for coming on to women who're just there to work when you're in the position of power, being all creepy and casting-couch at them. I don't know what his family is doing for money these days as his wife was on disability. My guess is the kids have had to revise their college plans. It's too bad, too -- it was really a brilliant career he screwed up for himself. Managed to hurt a lot of other people along theh way.

You can bet that this will happen more and more often. Just grabbing and taking -- doesn't matter how spontaneous and romantic you might think you're being, might wind up very expensive for you.

I hear that we've got these outraged cries again to the effect that it won't be safe for men to breathe, let alone get next to a woman. I just adore the relentlessness of sidestepping and ignoring the obvious solution:

Ask the lady first if it's okay.

Y'all are willing to imagine Male Armageddon before you're willing to contemplate the horrors of asking before touching. Well -- have it your way, then.

Yet you somehow speak for all women when you say you need to ask permission, funny how that works.

Yet you somehow speak for all women when you say you need to ask permission, funny how that works.

implying that sexual assault survivors are embittered "damaged goods" is not at all a misogynistic cliché.

just admit you stepped in it talking about something you don't really understand.

edited* to fix quotes

Or how about rapists just stop raping/sexually assaulting people instead? What you're saying sounds a bit too much like placing the blame on the victim. "You shouldn't have gone to that party..." or "You shouldn't have been drinking..." or "You should just never leave your home again..." because that's the only way you'll be safe, and if you don't follow any of those suggestions then basically you put yourself in the situation that got you raped?

Oh yeah, because nothing that I've witnessed with my ex girlfriend and certain other women never happened. They were are just a fabrication of my own mind. Thank you, thank you so much for drawing me to this conclusion Doctor Artist. I have seen the error of my ways. It's all so clear to me now. There are no bitter women that exist. It all makes so much sense now. Women who hate men don't exist. I'm so happy I can finally see clearly. I can see clearly now the rain is gone, I can see all obstacles in my way.

your ex girlfriend doesn't speak for me or for any other woman but herself.

Always keep your senses about you because there are people who will exploit you if they can and males are in danger as there are many who swing the other way.

it's taking your experience with a couple of women and applying it to all other women who've experienced sexual assault (but not me, because you made sure to explicitly mention me as a possible exception) that makes it misogynistic. the survivors you have known don't speak for me and they don't represent me or my experience, or the experience of many other survivors, because we are all individuals and have dealt with our experiences in our own individual ways. and trust me, if most of the women who have experienced sexual assault at the hands of men were hateful and bitter and angry about it, it wouldn't be safe for men to leave their homes because those hateful b*****s would be EVERYWHERE. you would be amazed how many women out there are able to not carry a grudge against all men because of one or two turds they've known too personally. you would be f*****g amazed.