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New Problem. What should I do?

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DogDancer
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06 Mar 2007, 5:47 pm

Good plan, Anon.

Just ask an NT classmate if she has any clue what's up with that other crew. She might know or be willing to share her thoughts. And it would be good practice socializing with a (presumably you'll choose a nice one) nice girl. :-)

DD



AnonymousAnonymous
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07 Mar 2007, 11:41 am

Thanks. Hopefully my plan works.

Will update later.



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07 Mar 2007, 6:08 pm

Update 3/7/07 at 3:08 PM Portland Time

School wrapped another day about 5 minutes ago and another Spanish class until Friday.
Conversation time was the last 10-15 minutes until break so I will say fish were out but were not biting hard. I did ask an NT girl {in Spanish} about my "problem" but she had a "WTH" look on her face. I also tried one of the girls from the pack & at the end of conversation, NT Girl #2 said to me "Pleasure talking to you." Nothing much happened after that, other than a guy trying to commit suicide.

I have Spanish on Friday & the last session will be on March 14th.



DogDancer
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07 Mar 2007, 7:51 pm

Anon, you know what, laugh it off, and blow it off.

One good thing about the whole teen-fickle phenom is that now that you called the girl-pack on it, if this has been about them messing with you, this will be off their radar very soon.

And AGAIN, let me stress that if there weren't something interesting about you, if they thought you were totally beneath their radar, they would never have bothered. Weird, I know, but it's the kind of thing that bored girls do sometimes.

Don't worry about it. And don't doubt yourself!

Suggestion now: ignore it completely and see what happens. You're the cool cat. 8)

DD



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07 Mar 2007, 8:03 pm

DogDancer wrote:
Good luck tomorrow, Anon. :-)

And AlexandertheSol -- as to how to gently, subtly let someone know you're interested romantically, as someone else on this thread suggested, the best way is to just keep working on developing a real friendship.

Get to the know the girl and let her get to know you. Just talk to her. Find excuses to do so. Be friends -- but in a quiet, persistent way, keep paying gentlemanly attention to her.

Eventually, and probably after not too long, she'll start to wonder if you ARE interested in her romantically -- that's just a natural question for an opposite-sex friend to wonder. She'll likely start to pay more attention to you and be friendlier and up the level of interaction if she's interested.

I know it sounds like the subtleties might confuse you -- they confuse everyone sometimes -- but the fact is, the full-on ladykiller, swoop-in-for-the-kill approach works for very few folks. The best approach to something real is to just continue to pay attention to someone you like. Smile, ask questions about her, be interested in her interests, and share yours. Be real about who you are. Don't rush. Just persevere.

And not that I'm accusing you of this, but it's good for us all to remember that internal attitude has a way of undermining us if it's negative. So always keep in mind that a girl is not an "other" or "enemy" no matter how nerve-racked you might feel; whether she's NT or AS, she's just a person with needs, too, trying to muddle her way through as well. I know some girls can be cruel, but most aren't trying to be, so don't let a few bad ones ruin the joy. :-)

DD


That's pretty much how I do as it is. Yes, of course you need to get to know someone well as a friend before you can make any romantic overtures to them, and "ladykiller" is not exactly my style any way. And I am able to talk quite well to women as friends (the majority of my friends are female). Its just that it can be frustrating when I pretty much follow the advice you have given prior to reading it, so to speak, and while I do enjoy friendship, there is at least a part of me that is not content. As far as cruelty is concerned there was really only one girl I was attracted to who really behaved like that. In contrast I am aware that many men treat women abominably. The person I am trying to get over at the moment (because I found out from my mother that she has a boyfriend and it is utterly wicked for me to continue thinking about her in certain ways) is not like that at all. She is kind and intelligent and mature and (to my eyes at least) very beautiful outwardly as well as inwardly. And I can enjoy her company as a friend when I am with her; it is when I am apart from her that I find it very difficult to stop thinking about her though I know it is wrong.


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07 Mar 2007, 8:10 pm

Some different thoughts.

1. It could possibly be your imagination. They have the same class and the same school and go to the same store. It could merely be coincidence that one of them is often going where you are.

2. You said that you do not want to go to the principal's office again for sexual harassment. Did I understand that correctly? Were you accused in the past of sexually harassing someone in school?

3. If so, then perhaps they are keeping an eye on you, so that they feel safer.

It could be any of the above, or none.



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07 Mar 2007, 9:37 pm

Then again, A, she's not married....

I'm not suggesting you do something that you feel morally wrong.

BUT, I would like to say that there IS a difference between someone you like having a boyfriend and someone you like having committed herself in a solumn vow until death do they part.

So, I don't think you should make yourself feel bad for harboring feelings for this particular girl at this stage of your lives.

I want to compliment you on your perspective, A. No one understands it all, but you really do sound like you've got some good perspective on girls, guys and the whole thing, especially for your relatively young age.

I know that it can be really painful not having someone to learn about love with, but, with a good attitude like yours, and a willingness to keep working on your interaction skills -- and to NOT give up -- I am sure that you will.

It's good of Popsicle to suggest some possibilities to think about because we ALL need to consider such reality-check options. But unless you've got some much more serious mental health issues than you've shared (and it's okay if you do), then I believe that what you say has been happening HAS been.

So, just trust yourself, and don't worry about it, and move forward.

If you're comfortable doing so, maybe you could share the details of that alleged sexual harrassment situation. I think that a number of WPers could learn from your experience. But if you don't want to right now, no worries.

Keep talking to us. :-)

DD



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07 Mar 2007, 10:50 pm

Thank you for the positive feedback, Dog Dancer. It's just that I can't help but worry that in holding on to these feelings and leaving the possibility open (given as you say she is not actually married or even engaged - though once before a friend I was infatuated with DID proceed from having a boyfriend, to having a fiance, to having a husband, so I am a little cautious) I may be delaying getting over this. If I could just continue the friendship side without being troubled so with these emotions, I would be happier. And I am not sure that I am that mature for twenty-five; I still seem to have trouble regulating some of my emotions. Still, I appreciate the compliments!

I suppose that I have matured in some ways. But at times I really do not feel that mature.


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08 Mar 2007, 1:22 pm

Popsicle wrote:
Some different thoughts.

1. It could possibly be your imagination. They have the same class and the same school and go to the same store. It could merely be coincidence that one of them is often going where you are.

2. You said that you do not want to go to the principal's office again for sexual harassment. Did I understand that correctly? Were you accused in the past of sexually harassing someone in school?

3. If so, then perhaps they are keeping an eye on you, so that they feel safer.

It could be any of the above, or none.


1.} Possibly. I don't talk much so probably it is.
2.} Yes, back in October I was accused of sexual harassment that happened in sophomore year.
3.} Could this be a revenge plot?



cruimh_shionnachain
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10 Mar 2007, 7:34 pm

It probably isn't a revenge plot, most girls would stay away from someone accused of sexual harassment.

Unless, of course, they are friends of the girl who accused you. Then yes, it probably is.


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10 Mar 2007, 9:34 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
1.} Possibly. I don't talk much so probably it is.


Well if so that would be good, because you can train yourself to ignore it, if it is truly something meaningless like coincidence.

Quote:
2.} Yes, back in October I was accused of sexual harassment that happened in sophomore year.
3.} Could this be a revenge plot?


Please say more about #2 and then I can advise you about #3 better. For instance, did the girl who accused you, or girls who accused you, have any connection to the girls in your story?



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11 Mar 2007, 2:56 pm

Popsicle wrote:
Please say more about #2 and then I can advise you about #3 better. For instance, did the girl who accused you, or girls who accused you, have any connection to the girls in your story?


In October, I was accused by a now-junior girl and her now-senior boyfriend that I was sexually harassing people, mainly female students in my sophomore year. {I too am a junior.} I did admit to some very stupid behavior that I did just because everyone else was doing it. Although I have gone through treatment with my shrink, I have learned that my HS is not a very forgiving one. I was also accused by two other girls of stalking them.

The girls in my story may have some connection to my accuser since I see them walking with her very often.



cruimh_shionnachain
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11 Mar 2007, 4:36 pm

[quote="AnonymousAnonymous]
The girls in my story may have some connection to my accuser since I see them walking with her very often.[/quote]
That means that they're friends.
That stinks.


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11 Mar 2007, 4:43 pm

AnonymousAnonymous wrote:
In October, I was accused by a now-junior girl and her now-senior boyfriend that I was sexually harassing people, mainly female students in my sophomore year. {I too am a junior.} I did admit to some very stupid behavior that I did just because everyone else was doing it. Although I have gone through treatment with my shrink, I have learned that my HS is not a very forgiving one. I was also accused by two other girls of stalking them.


Thanks for replying.

Based upon this - and it is a guess only, to the best of my ability using the info given here - it looks to me as if they are still a bit afraid of you, and are keeping an eye on you. Keeping tabs on where you are, so they can relax.

It doesn't pose a threat to you, I'd say - especially if you have now changed your past behavior. You may have made an error in judgment in the past, in what you felt was OK behavior, that got you into some trouble. They're not taking a chance on it happening again, I think. (They have no way to know you have changed - keeping tabs on you is within normal limits for them.) But you know the past is over, so don't let it bother you.

Just try to ignore them, keep your behavior within social boundaries and you should be fine. That's my take on it.



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12 Mar 2007, 2:13 am

ANON!! !! !! !! !!

This is one of those things that I should of been informed of pronto.........email.

This is not good.

and since I'm lazy and skipped to five page, I can assume that this mess is still not cleared up


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12 Mar 2007, 11:13 am

POPSICLE AND GAMESTER!! !! !!

Assumptions can be made based on past behavior. Right?
The legal aspect of this mess {meaning me being accused of sexual harassment} has been cleared up as of mid-November 2006. The social aspect, however, will never be cleared. Even though I am still a marked dude, I do know some NT girls who can help me with clearing this whole mess up.

Please PM me if you have any questions about this.