How do you cope with constant rejections

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I know this will most likely not change the way you think, but when I was 19 (2 years ago) I used to sometimes stare at a wall and just contemplate all these happy couples and how I wished I could get a GF, but I never went out looking for one. I even had a really hot girl call me cute and bcuz I was so shy just ignored her haha. Anyways dealing with heart break is in my opinion much worse. You will deal with all these rejections and then one day you will find some1. All of these feelings will go away, but the minute you lose that person they will come flooding back 10 times harder. I never knew this bcuz I nvr knew how attached I would get. If you're experiencing these symptoms of depression and sadness now a girl would probably take them away. However, when the girl goes away you will cling and you will cling HARD to her bcuz she is what makes you happy. It's horrible for ppl who r socially awkward, depressed, or have autism bcuz we all CLING to what makes us happy!
B4 I met my ex gf I could cope with being alone. I didn't like it, but I said one day things will get better. I was hospitalized due to a disease I got, had no job, nvr even kissed a girl. Went from having NOTHING to getting a GF, a job, and getting in shape. I BARELY even worked for any of that. I got a job while I was sick (luck), got a GF from my friends (luck), got in shape relatively quick (genetics). That's the truth! You will then repeat the same process you're in only it will hurt even worse. I should know because I'm in it and I can't say that I wish I nvr loved some1 bcuz that would be a lie, but idk if it was worth all the emotional stress I've dealt with.

Well, two things: 1) It's not so much a guaranteed formula for getting laid or even getting a one-off coffee/lunch date. I don't have a "5 easy steps" approach that I'm trying to sell like snake oil. 2) It's the underlying principle--to get dates, you gotta meet people. It's not impossible to meet perfect stranger, instantly fall in love, and get your happily ever after. It's just that the odds aren't really in our favor. It's worth it to learn to start with friends and move towards romance. The more you know someone, the more time you spend with that person, the easier the romance part is going to be.


You have to figure out how to form ongoing relationships on the friendship level. I'm not saying you have to be extroverted or "social." I succeed best getting to know people one-on-one. And that's hard to do, because people automatically assume you're a psychopath. No, I just don't do crowds. I have to do something to get someone's attention, get them to take the initiative, which opens the window for me. I'm a shy person. Being shy, like anything, can be used as an angle, and I've jumped on that in the past.

Speaking of angles?

I was out doing my daily walk in the park when a van-load of Americorps girls got out and started painting playground equipment. My son was utterly fascinated and insisted on stopping and checking out the activity. On our last lap on the fitness trail, I asked who they were, where they were from, and thanked them for volunteering and beautifying our park. If I knew they'd be in town for an extended length of time, I might offer to buy dinner. If I were doing the bachelor thing, I'd count it as a win just meeting someone for the practice of meeting someone. I think some relationships end well because the parties involved KNOW from the start it's a short-lived relationship. Never take these things for granted.


Yeah?but I think you're taking that waaaay too much to heart. That's why I brought up striking a conversation with some Americorps ladies. My little boy somehow got their attention, obviously they weren't from the area, they were in uniform?I mean, they're freakin' walking advertisements for crying out loud. When a person dresses that way, they are inherently drawing attention to themselves. They want and expect (or should expect) people to stop and ask questions. They hadn't been there 1 hour before a local TV reporter (an acquaintance of mine) and local newspaper reporter came out to interview them. Now, of course, it COULD be someone would get upset/offended if I asked where they were from, but it wouldn't do for someone with Americorps to jump down my throat just for smalltalk--makes Americorps look bad. If you see the gas station lady once or twice a week, grocery store lady once or twice a week, or barista lady 3 days a week, you HAVE a relationship. There's no harm in asking someone out you're already well-acquainted with. The worst that could happen is they say "no." Doesn't mean you're not going to still buy fuel for your car or food to eat.


Yeah, but people never really meet randomly and build a romantic relationship. They have some sort of relationship to begin with and build on that. I met some Americorps girls today, but I don't KNOW them and they don't KNOW me. The lady who cashes my checks for me at the bank, on the other hand, is someone I see two or three times a month, and I happen to know she's in an unhappy marriage and could probably be talked into leaving her husband (just kidding?I don't do that. Besides, I'm married to her boss).

People don't REALLY meet up on sites, though. The sites give you either an introduction or a point of reference. A virtual relationship is a fantasy relationship. The person on the other end could be doing whatever they want with whoever they want. I used to enjoy playing on Second Life, which I had to give up due to lack of time and bandwidth. I had this quasi-gf that I figured out was "cheating" on me. I think she thought she hurt my feelings or something, so I was like, look, I don't own you or anything. You can do whatever you want, I don't care. She'd never admit to it, but it wasn't a big deal to me. We weren't actually together, I had no control over what she did, and when I caught her "cheating" I actually thought it was funny. You can NOT put stock in these relationships because there's no real commitment. Virtual relationships are pure fantasy. Real relationships require a commitment to exclusivity. In a virtual relationship, you just pretend you're committed to each other and let the other person believe whatever they want. I want something I can physically SEE. Anything less is just smoke and mirrors.


Of course it's a numbers game. Let's say you ask 10 girls out on a date and only 1 accepts. Doesn't look good, does it? But let's say the next week you ask 10 different girls out on a date and only 1 accepts. Well, now that's TWO girls you've gone out with, which is twice as many as the first week. Statistically it doesn't look like you're doing well. But in terms of actually dates, if this were to happen over the course of two consecutive weeks, you've spent two weekends WITH someone.

You can't build a relationship with EVERY woman you see. I mean, this isn't a competition.

It's a kind of reverse friend zone. You start from the friend zone to begin with. A girl can't "demote" you to the friend zone because you both understand that you're already there. I girl CAN promote you to bf, however, if things are working out. It's because you're friends that there's no competition. If you take a girl out to the local ice cream joint, take a different girl to the same place next week and old girl happens to be there, she's not going to go into a jealous rage because it was understood we're just two acquaintances hanging out and talking. We're both free to do that. Nobody is betraying anyone and we both have the right to go out with whoever we please. What you're NOT doing is "managing" a harem, but rather just being nice by taking someone out. Grownups understand that, btw.

Not sure what you mean by the one who "sticks." If you meet a lot of women, and there's one girl who ALWAYS accepts dates from you, knows you very well, and you actually do like her, then, yeah, the last one standing is your gf. That's just pure, simple logic.

It's kinda like losing your car keys and when you find them, you say "always in the last place I looked." Duh!

And?.how is that working out for you exactly?

Getting intoxicated and eating junkfood followed by crying ones self to sleep!The following day after sobering up wanting to get better! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5osPtE7kXI[/youtube]

I feel like crying but the tears won't come... I actually have a good job and am in shape. But it doesn't help because I'm so weird. I hate having aspergers.

the main problem I have with your system is i don't move from friend sto romance. so if me and a girl started out as friends and she eventually decided she likes me romantically then it will just hurt her, cause I'll still just see her as a friend to talk to while I continue to go on dates with other women. theres two relationship zones in my mind, friend and gf there's a 200 foot thick concrete wall between them that extends into the heavens and goes down to the center of the earth. there's no changing zones. if i start off having romantic thoughts for a girl i always have them, if i start off seeing them as just friend then friends they will always be. for this reason starting as friends and seeing where it goes doesn't work for me.

every date I've been on i met on a dating site. we liked each other, chatters for a few days to weeks then met up on a date. this is the only way I can do it. I get super shy and embarrassed in person . I go into lock down mode and have a hard time talking. but if i get to know them over text first then when we meet up I am a confident social butterfly who laughs and talks with them for hours.

sticks as in you go out with a bunch of women regardless of who they are or compatibility and the one that stays around you date, cause hey she stayed around. if i wanted a gf just to have one i suppose i'd go date the woman who smokes, has nothing in common with me and i don't find attractive. but this just seems mean for both of us. we both deserve to find the real match for each of us.

it's worked better then doing nothing hoping to randomly met my future gf. that has gotten me nothing after 10 years. the dating sites have gotten me 20+ women i've talked to and like 5 dates in the last year. now neither have gotten me a gf, but that has more to do with me being ugly and poor.

I don't have the social skills and soical confidence to do the other system well. for someone who is not shy, social outgoing, and confident all the time, then yeah approaching women in person will probably work out.

I deal with rejections by not trying. This is not a good way to cope. It limits you to the women who are willing to initiate something with you. Those numbers are very small unless you are a dreamboat.

Recently, I have decided to just pursue sex, not romance. This is a mental form of rejection. You don't have to like someone to have sex. You just have to be physically attracted to each other, willing to have sex, and have the place and time to do it. Even in this situation, I always let the female pursue me. I know the signs when a female is interested. I just put myself in the situation to converse with her often. Flirt a little bit with her. Then set up a time be alone. The hard part about this is a lot girls want something more than just sex. I don't like to lead girls on. If the girl wants a relationship with me, I can't play the hook-up game. It would hurt her feelings. The other thing to watch out for is jealous boyfriends/husbands. Some girls like to cheat and don't mind getting you into a confrontation with their partners.

I told a woman this morning that I was in love with her and was promptly rejected. She said I'm too old and, besides, she's already married. She said we can still be friends, though. Sigh. Another missed opportunity for Robin. I really did like her, too. I guess I'll try to remain her friend as we do spend a lot of time together (playing card games, watching movies, walking in the park, driving her to appointments, eating at various restaurants, etc)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWjbUAYcxII


Let out your inner emotions come out. The worst case is that you bury up your emotions by letting rejections get to you. Lonessness sucks, but, not alone. You got me, and the wrong planet community!

Let out your inner emotions come out. The worst case is that you bury up your emotions by letting rejections get to you. Lonessness sucks, but, not alone. You got me, and the wrong planet community! [youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GWjbUAYcxII
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Coping with rejection, when you've been pretty much "creep-zoned" over and over, is damn near impossible.

I got to the point where I just look at women the same way I look at men now. Just.....nothing. No attraction. That and I don't even know what the hell type of woman I would like now (even though I knew before) or how or why any woman would like me in the first place. So my attraction to women is very blunted now. Yet for some stupid reason, once every six months or so, I get the urge to have a gf. But I know that's only because other guys have one, so I want it. It's not actually because I want it. It's actually better to be this way because it means I don't have to play all the stupid games that people like to play, and not to mention I don't have to deal with all the breakup garbage.