Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Ladies, wouldn't that bother you? (A bomb question)

Page 4 of 5 [ 65 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Alliekit
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Mar 2016
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,182
Location: England

27 Apr 2016, 7:35 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Out of curiosity boo what girls do you usually choose to message?



Oh no no.....not this again, look ladies, 'choosing the girls to message' is not the same as 'choosing you out of all other options'. It seems that some other ladies before you were also equating the two systems of 'filtering' but this plain wrong.

First, a girl becomes only a gf/dating option is she wants me as well or at least if she sees me as a bf option as well among others, if not then she's not an option.

So none of the girls I message are possible options unless they are interested.

Second, it is much less effort to message girls than to actually meet several girls interested in me, to get to know them for good with each and then to finally having to decide to go for the compatible for me. :roll: The former is much like applying for jobs on job boards, if the job sounds ok I apply, if the job does sound ok, or sounds way beyond me then I don't apply but it doesn't mean that I am so in love in every job I am applying for, I just give a shot and forget about it.


Quote:
Also have you ever been the one to do the bomb question?


huh?


I meant like have you ever had to pick the only one available or been that person to date someone you aren't massively interested in?

I wasnt getting confused was just being nosy about what kind of girls you messaged lol :)



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

27 Apr 2016, 7:56 am

Quote:
I meant like have you ever had to pick the only one available or been that person to date someone you aren't massively interested in?


When it comes to dating sites, I am massively interested in NO ONE, no matter how great her profile or her messages may sound - I would have to meet her for real to determine that.

Yes, sometimes I go on a date with someone just because she happens to be available in the right timing and place (and a good learning experience for me) and because I have no other better thing to do on some weekend.

Harsh I know, but many single-for-long guys do it, please understand that we guys don't get that much happening out of dating sites; it's like when you are jobless and you would go for any job interview just hoping that it would be good news.

The only reason why I would avoid/refuse to try a date if she sounds really crazy, this happened too, a lot.



Greys0n
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 27 Apr 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: US

27 Apr 2016, 9:26 am

i don't care


_________________
"24Biz" - Financial services in Richmond, VA


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

29 Apr 2016, 6:33 am

I don't get it how one can't care...



cavernio
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,462

29 Apr 2016, 9:10 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
When it comes to dating sites, I am massively interested in NO ONE, no matter how great her profile or her messages may sound - I would have to meet her for real to determine that.


If the use of dating site itself is so superficial a screen, then how COULD it matter that I would be that man's 1st or 100th choice? It's the end connection (or lack thereof) that matters, not the screening process.


_________________
Not autistic, I think
Prone to depression
Have celiac disease
Poor motivation


cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

29 Apr 2016, 10:11 pm

my husband never ever asked a woman out. all of his relationships, including ours, were initiated by the woman. i once told him that he'd be more likely to find someone he liked if he did some asking. he replied that he had found the love of his life, so now i don't feel unchosen.

so in answer to the op's Q, if someone was happy with me, i wouldn't care whether i was picked from thousands (actually, i had a fiance who was quite experienced and smooth and i always worried he'd be unfaithful) or was the only choice.



The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

09 Aug 2017, 5:56 am

https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/ ... themselves

*necro abra kadabra*


Quote:
"Liam, 27

Most of the other male Tinder users I speak to, excluding those who have the unfair advantage of being a handsome bastard, agree that Tinder is a brutal numbers game. You need to say yes to a lot of girls to get a match; you need to speak to a lot of matches to get a response; you need to conduct a fair few conversations to go on a date. Obviously swiping right to everyone only addresses the first stage of that.

It saves an unbelievable amount of time—it's unreal. Making a decision as to whether or not you find a girl on a dating app attractive isn't a particularly lengthy one—but you do want to have a look at the profile pictures; read the bio; briefly fantasize about a future life together when you develop an irrational crush.

For More Stories Like This, Sign Up for Our Newsletter

And most of the time, for me, it's wasted time, because my experience of Tinder is that you don't match with the overwhelming majority of girls that you like.

Saying yes to your daily limit of likes takes two to three minutes, and then you can decide whether or not you find your matches attractive. What would have taken a whole evening on the sofa can be rattled through in an ad break.

Saying yes to everyone means you match with everyone who likes you, including that magic overlapping part of the Tinder Venn diagram—those who are willing to match with you and those who you find attractive. Sure, it's a bit of a heartless approach as you end up ignoring girls who message you that you're not attracted to. But app dating in general is a fairly dehumanizing and mechanistic numbers game."



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

09 Aug 2017, 6:21 am

Cathylynn's husband is one lucky man!

I've only been asked out once--and that was by a Jesus Freak.



Closet Genious
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2017
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,225
Location: Sweden

09 Aug 2017, 6:37 am

Well, this is just the nature of humans. The human female is very selective while the male is not.



imhere
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

Joined: 20 Jun 2017
Gender: Female
Posts: 195
Location: South Earth

09 Aug 2017, 6:52 pm

This cannot be generalized. No one has any idea how many people someone messaged before getting a reply. And it sounds like picking a potential partner is on the level of choosing an overpriced fancy cup of brown stinky water at Starbucks--there are many more nuances than that.

But more importantly, hypothetical situation since I've never used a dating site before: I would imagine that the guy whose profile goes on and on about Star Trek, his computer programming job, and how he automated his home using a handful of arduinos long before Alexa or Google Home came along would get a lot of rejects to his messages. When I read his profile, I say to myself, "Oh man, I can talk AI with this guy while sitting together with him in my basement with the pile of broken drones we bought on eBay, fixing and re-programming them to do whatever we wanted, while watching The Wrath of Khan and planning a trip to the next Star Trek convention"! To me, resistance is futile for this man. Not so much for most women though. In all honesty, my profile would have been equally undesirable to most men! It takes two, not 100:2.



sly279
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Dec 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 16,181
Location: US

09 Aug 2017, 11:54 pm

As a guy I wouldn't care, but it'd suck knowing she'd leave me second a better guy came around :( though guess one would wonder if they really love you are just putting up with you cause you're the only option



hurtloam
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,747
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

12 Aug 2017, 12:58 am

this wouldn't bother me at the choosing someone on a dating site stage because the whole thing is very shallow. Its just as bad to be chosen because you were the best looking and he didn't bother reading anything about your interests.

It would bother me if after a while he felt like he didn't enjoy my personality as a whole but was so lonely that he figured he'd put up with me for the sake of having someone.



SilverBoltsisWmax
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 12 Aug 2017
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 245
Location: South Carolina

13 Aug 2017, 3:24 am

I wouldn't care if I was someone's first or last choice provided they never grew tired of me. I see it like this, when I play league I have my MUST duo partners who I can rely on and my ehhhh people. If I were to pick and ehhhh but we won mostly every game without too much stress I wouldn't care.

Ends justify the means imo.


_________________
http://orig06.deviantart.net/fcd8/f/2012/075/2/6/dragonslayer_vayne_by_yoursweetestinsanity-d4sym7r.png


green0star
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Apr 2016
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,415
Location: blah

15 Aug 2017, 10:27 am

I guess some will date a guy because they feel sorry for them in that respect heh. It depends on the person though because if someone isn't happy with another and just date them because they didn't have another choice then that would be kinda tragic. I had a former friend once tell me that she was only bothering with me because her other friends left town and I cut ties with her completely after that. Just like no one will pity friend me I won't allow someone to pity date me either.



synthpop
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 18 Feb 2017
Age: 25
Gender: Female
Posts: 41

22 Aug 2017, 2:03 am

It would bother me a great deal to know that the only real reason someone was with me was because I was the only person to interact with them. They wouldn't be with me for me, they'd be with me because I gave them attention.
Sure, maybe they enjoy me, maybe they've even convinced themselves they love me; but, infatuation risen out of desperation isn't love at all. It's pathetic and shallow. They'd leave the minute someone better even glanced at them. They're just sick of being single.


_________________
crisscrossed with axes and thresholds, with latitudes and longitudes and geodesic lines, traversed by gradients marking the transitions and the becomings.


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,123
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

22 Aug 2017, 2:10 am

synthpop wrote:
It would bother me a great deal to know that the only real reason someone was with me was because I was the only person to interact with them. They wouldn't be with me for me, they'd be with me because I gave them attention.
Sure, maybe they enjoy me, maybe they've even convinced themselves they love me; but, infatuation risen out of desperation isn't love at all. It's pathetic and shallow. They'd leave the minute someone better even glanced at them. They're just sick of being single.



Hmm interesting, but here's the thing , I am going to play the Devil's advocate now:
What if the guy you like is so conventionally unattractive/dork to the majority of women, therefore you are the only one in his life who happens to ever find him attractive, what's for him to do then? To give it up on you? To be a good boy and leave you by telling you "Sorry, you are the only one who ever liked me, you are my only option - therefore I should stop being selfish and leave you"?

So for a a guy to be eligible for you, he has to have many other options to pick of in order for you to feel that you were really picked?