If you're 27 and never had a girlfriend, is it too late?

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22 Apr 2015, 1:58 pm

Ya and it seems having a victim mentality is worse in men than in it is in women but I do believe some people were dealt with a better set of cards in life than others

androbot01
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22 Apr 2015, 2:10 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Quote:

Not where I live.

Enlighten me, how Canadian stay-at-home parents would survive if they neither work nor relay on partner's finances?

State aids? I guess this is limited tho.

Like I said, the single parent can work or they can go on assistance. Stay-at-home is something that often can't be afforded by a couple, never mind a single parent. It is a luxury.

Quote:

Girls too.

Nope, not as much.
...
Every man on earth experiences this:

Quote:

... Violence, and the expectation of violence, mandates an absence of emotional sensitivity.

Violence isn't really necessary these days.

Quote:

...And when a woman finds a man who loves her, at some level, she feels a great deal of hope because she has found an emotional match, somebody who understands those hidden tides and influences.

Thanks, I needed a laugh.

sly279
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22 Apr 2015, 2:41 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:

What is three years? Think back to when you were 24. If back then, you knew you wouldn't get your first girlfriend until you were 27, would you have been uncomfortable with that also? When you reach 30 will you give up on girls and say "If I can't have my first relationship when I'm in my 20s I never want to have one at all"?

yes. its really quite hopeless after 30 unless you have a good middle class job and had past experiences to make you good potential husband for family starting.

also the type of relationship I want is unobtainable after 30.

sly279
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22 Apr 2015, 2:45 pm

androbot01 wrote:

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Society as a whole, as I have explained in details in previous post, push men/boys to suppress many emotions.

Girls too.

o.O

girls can cry hell its expected, men can't. we can't share our emotions cause it makes us weak or clingy, women can and its normal.

its expected for women to be emotional watch movies, read books, media etc. women are portrayed as emotional men as strong and non emotional. this is what society expects, its sexist but it is what it is and no one is actively trying to change it. perhaps in 500 years it'll be changed and women won't seek strong protector types, but for now it is still in place and as strong as ever.

mpe
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22 Apr 2015, 3:33 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

I always find it more shocking to hear of a woman who has never had a boyfriend(and she is past a certain age) than the other way around, because women are not dealt with the card of being the initiator.

There do appear to be a small minority of women (possibly disproportionally aspie women) who do get dealt that card.
There are also women who find that whilst they do get "asked out" quite often it's only ever by incompatible men.

Whilst there is a very strong social expectation that men ask and women get asked things arn't quite so black and white.

There are also a small minority of men who find themselves often asked out by women. Possibly even getting far too much unwanted attention.

mpe
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22 Apr 2015, 3:59 pm

Non_Passerine wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Marrying =/= getting a boyfriend/girlfriend.

But isn't marrying the goal of getting a boyfriend/ girlfriend? A monogamous romantic commitment is a monogamous romantic commitment.

Not everyone who wants a relationship wants a monogamous/exclusive one.

WantToHaveALife
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22 Apr 2015, 4:22 pm

mpe wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Ya but like you say, its a very small minority

Diningroom
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22 Apr 2015, 6:10 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

mpe wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Ya but like you say, its a very small minority

WantToHaveALife --

You still haven't answered an important question:

What do you bring to the table, as a boyfriend?

Why should a girl date you? What qualities do you have that would make a girl want to date you??

WantToHaveALife
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22 Apr 2015, 8:57 pm

Diningroom wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

mpe wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Ya but like you say, its a very small minority

Good question, I actually don't know, and from the sound of this question, it sounds like the man is supposed, or expected to bring more to the table than the other way around.

Diningroom
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22 Apr 2015, 10:19 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Diningroom wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

mpe wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Ya but like you say, its a very small minority

Good question, I actually don't know, and from the sound of this question, it sounds like the man is supposed, or expected to bring more to the table than the other way around.

WantToHaveALife - You wrote that you wanted a girlfriend to boost your confidence, help you make friends & serve as the catalyst to [magically somehow] result in you becoming financially independent. That's a tall order.

Relationships are reciprocal. A guy isn't expected to bring more (or less) to a proverbial relationship table as a girl. You just keep saying over and over that you want to get a girlfriend and lose your virginity. Because you feel like a loser for not having had a girlfriend/sex at 27 -- which suggests you're upset about it because you've failed to meet some sort of societal standard, i.e. not because you are lonely or crave companionship.

Are you funny? Good at, I dunno, making soufflés or macrame bracelets or planning road trips? A good listener?

biostructure
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22 Apr 2015, 11:21 pm

It's not too late to have a girlfriend. However, what gets harder is to find a relationship like what most people were having in their teens. Unfortunately, for most people, "dating" as a 30-year-old means something quite different than it does as a 16-year-old, and still something different as a 12-year-old. Not having gone through those earlier stages, I'm finding that I miss them much more than I miss what dating is supposed to mean at my age.

In other words, the expectation that bothers me is not that I should be in a relationship now, but that I should be looking for a different kind of relationship than I am because of my age. I see this only getting worse as I get older, unless I find another person who also is looking for the same thing.

sly279
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22 Apr 2015, 11:53 pm

Diningroom wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

mpe wrote:

WantToHaveALife wrote:

Ya but like you say, its a very small minority

hard for someone who has been broken down and feels bad about being who they are what is good that they bring to the table. also hard for those who don't talk about themselves.

I bring a person not objects to the table. though I do have objects but not the income that is wanted.

just seems like theres this business type thing going on where man brings income and status and woman brings looks and sex. thats not a relationship but a business transaction.

I'd rather date a person then their job.

sly279
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22 Apr 2015, 11:57 pm

biostructure wrote:

yeah though theres no expectation for a relationship drivng me to wanting one. I don't get why people would feel pressured by society. I want love and companionship.

this is why the whole you can just get married in your 60s theres till hope. yeah 60s :roll:

have a no fun, no sex, no closeness relationship yay. i mean even if thats where all end up most generally get the rest too before they get to that stage. which is why I don't plan to live past 35. really no point in it.

hard for people who have had or have relationships to understand.

for me it is too late. at 27 and having already gone to college. there is no middle class job in my future. if there is even a middle class in the future. with so many women requiring that and it never going to happen. I have to accept fate

rdos
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23 Apr 2015, 1:55 am

sly279 wrote:

yeah though theres no expectation for a relationship drivng me to wanting one. I don't get why people would feel pressured by society. I want love and companionship.

Don't everybody? :?:

sly279 wrote:

this is why the whole you can just get married in your 60s theres till hope. yeah 60s :roll:

have a no fun, no sex, no closeness relationship yay.

Nothing wrong with being in the 50s (don't know about the 60s, but I suspect it isn't too bad either). And I have no idea where you got the idea that people in the 60s cannot have close relationships. Of course they can.

sly279 wrote:

for me it is too late. at 27 and having already gone to college.

I got into my first real relationship around 30, so I have no idea what you are talking about.

sly279 wrote:

there is no middle class job in my future. if there is even a middle class in the future. with so many women requiring that and it never going to happen. I have to accept fate

As a man, age mostly works to your advantage, not to your disadvantage. Unless you hunt after teens, then it could be a problem.

314pe
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23 Apr 2015, 2:19 am

sly279 wrote:

this is why the whole you can just get married in your 60s theres till hope. yeah 60s :roll:

There's point. You can have a lot of fun doing things alone or with friends.
I've never been in a relationship and I hardly dated at all.

RetroGamer87
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23 Apr 2015, 8:43 am

sly279 wrote:

for me it is too late. at 27 and having already gone to college. there is no middle class job in my future. if there is even a middle class in the future. with so many women requiring that and it never going to happen. I have to accept fate

But some go to college twice. Can't you return to college?

sly279 wrote:

It sounds like you would have done better with this girl I was trying to get with tonight than I did. She was saying how she doesn't like shallow people who care about wealth and possessions. That worried me because of how shallow I am. I got her to admit that possessions can be useful but she said she still doesn't like conspicuous consumption (which is one of my favourite things). Before, I had been thinking of asking her out to a movie but judging from her reactions, she's not that into me yet, who knows if she ever will be.

I've written about her before written about her before.

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