need advice on my marriage...

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He clearly has a psychiatric problem and his behavior is dangerous. Is he visiting an speciallist (the one of Australia)? if not ask him to check himself, ask his family for help. If nothing work, take legal actions to protect you and your children.

He said the reason he has been ignoring me and giving me the cold shoulder and slamming doors this last week and not writing down his feelings at all in a month is because of his back pain from a slipped disc. And also because everything I do to hurt him bc of aspergers piles up. That I should have made him write what he was feeling. That could make someone be mean right?

Yesterday he asked if I could take him to chiropractor. I changed my mind about driving him cause after walking around I realized I wasn't good to drive. Couldnt get to sleep until five in the morning, sinus infection and have been blacking out. So I called his mom to see if she could. When I told him his mom and I were switching and I'd be home with kids he said "fine I'll drive myself" and slammed the door behind him. He said I should have told him and asked him to tell his mom. That I invalidated his feelings for not saying sorry and being mad at him for storming out. That he only really stormed out because of everything on top of that. That what I did was against social rules. Is that right?

I told him I was feeling like I didn't want to talk when he got home tonight, after he asked why I was acting like he wasn't there. I said I thought he was still ignoring me today. That I didn't want to argue more cause I was mad and might say something I didn't mean. So he said he would just leave. He started crying. I hugged him. He said why are you hugging me. I said "cause I'm sorry". He said "i don't want you to feel sorry for me". I said "no I'm sorry I hurt you". Then he said "one day the kids will have to put up with this". I asked why he would say such a thing. He said "you want to know the truth don't you?"

There is more but I've been in the bathroom too long already and I'm getting tired.

He speaks to the specialist a lot as far a I can tell. At least when I mess up. He will get mad if I say he needs help though won't he? He went to therapy twice then stopped going. I don't think he likes them. And he was standoffish with mine cause he thought the therapist was trying to manipulate him.

I can't point out his lying. He won't believe me. Am I just doing typical AS fact checking? His mom said he used to lie to her when he lived at home when I asked her today if she was "disturbed by my behavior" yesterday like he said she was. He told her also he stormed out because I just didn't answer him at all when he asked.


Am I crazy? Just handicapped and it's all in my head?

He knows I dont trust him. He said "who have you ever trusted?". I said friends and family. He said "what friends?". I said "this again?" (I was getting a little too brave). He said."well you don't have a lot." I said "I don't need a lot."

He was very good with kids tonight. Didn't get mad little girl is sleeping on couch tonight because of her nightmares.

He apologized in February for blaming me for past. He said it was nobody's fault. Just a result of asd.
And he realised saying the thing about throwing daughter against wall was wrong after I pointed it out in January.

You're not dumb, you're not over-reacting or over-thinking, and you're not crazy. He is manipulating with gas-lighting--like nyxjord mentioned--lying, blaming and putting on an Oscar-worthy performance intended to confuse you and make you feel bad for him. I really don't think he's actually trying to make things better. Your gut is right.

While Aspie traits might be making it harder for you to really see things clearly, abusers are good at fooling a lot of people. He's got his own problems, but he's blaming them on you, and is probably making up new ones, too. AS is no reason for him to treat anyone the way he's treating you.

Hang in there.

woman84, in a nutshell: Don't believe anything he says or tries to make you believe about yourself.

This man is mentally unstable, is a manipulator with violent tendencies, anger issues and uses passive-aggressive methods to make YOU feel like you're the problem in all of this. You are not. He is.

Please do not believe ANYTHING he says to you about "you." It's all part of his pathology. It's what a person like this does.

I was in your situation a few years ago and I put up with it then knew I had to get out. Don't let this person do things to your self-belief. He is especially using your being on the spectrum to gaslight you, too, as another member pointed out -- this is ALL GASLIGHTING, which is when a sick, twisted person deliberately makes another person feel like THEY are the crazy one, the bad one, the stupid one, the one whose fault everything is.

This is what he is doing to you. Don't pay any attention anymore to anything he says, not "It's your fault," not "It's because you have Aspgergers and all the bad thing about that", not even "I'm sorry, those things I said before, I know they were bad now."

Don't listen to anything he says, not the negative nor even the positive. This relationship is filled with toxicity and your children could be harmed if you stay. Even if this man stopped gaslighting and blaming and threatening you tomorrow, he's still an irresponsible father who has let the children walk around handling pills dropped on the floor just for one thing.

Please look up your local resources for domestic violence, shelters for women and children, and also contact your friends and family members and tell them you are in full crisis mode, things have come to a head, and could you please ask for help and a place to stay because you need to start divorce proceedings.

You many have done what many in your situation do -- share some of the problems with those close to you, but hide the full extent of how serious things are.

This is now a time when you need to let your loved ones know just how bad it really is, and that you and they need to act now to get away from this man, and get your children safe.

You also need to get advice on how to get pro bono help from a lawyer specializing in family law, and I think the women's shelters and other help sources for domestic abuse probably have that information and help available in with the package. This is a serious enough situation for your children that you have a leg to stand on in pursuing full custody and the right to get the children away from him.

Just keep remembering, this is NOT your fault and you're not the crazy one. He is gaslighting you into believing that because that's one of the many ways abusive people keep a person down and controllable.

We just found out about my AS last year. That's when things got really bad. He said he thought I was just damaged and would get better and change eventually.
He is home sick for a week at least. I'm going to use this time thinking about what to do.
There are women's shelters. I can call to apply for free legal help Monday thru Wednesday but if he is home I'll have to wait a bit. I know my mom would move down here if I needed her. She could babysit while I work. I'm afraid how his parents will react if I just leave. They bought our new trailer cause the house was calling apart.
I just remembered my friend from my last job went through something similar except he physically abused her. we have been texting. So I can get instant feedback. Like today he was really nice and normal and I felt bad. She said she went through it too.
Thanks guys

This morning baby put a cracker on the floor. He yelled at him to pick it up and when baby walked away he said "what's wrong with you?!". I said he doesn't fully understand. While I held upset baby he said sorry to him. I handed baby sippy cup and baby said "dit doo"(thank you). Husband said "see he knows what's going on. He was being a tyrant." But I don't think a 1 1/2 year old fully comprehended what was going on. I would have just put away crackers and said don't play with food bubba. But why say shattering with you. Like when he gave little girl the hot food he told her it's hot but she didn't really know how hot food can be or that was. He acted like he told her, it was her fault for getting burned.

Also he told her to stop playing with a toy car cause it was too loud for him. I brought them into the bathroom with me and there was a weed pipe on the bathtub. He comes in smelling like weed and is suddenly in a good mood.

He once left a spoon with marijuana butter in reach and little girl got hold of it. I got it before anything happened. I asked him to stop bringing weed inside the house. He said it wasn't going to happen.

http://www.agape-aid.org/abusiverelatio ... g-mind.php

I'm barely through this and it sounds familiar. Trying to not cry.

In the beginning he said he didn't want nookie with me that much because it was boring. Not enough like porno. So I worked on it. I have improved it. After the diagnosis he tells people it's not good because there's no intimacy.

He told me talking to me is like talking to a brick wall.

I hope you take everyone else's advice and get out of there. This guy is clearly sick. He needs major psychological help. He is unlikely to get it as long as you enable him. It sounds like your children are in real danger of eventually being physically abused if they haven't been already. Do you want your kids to grow up to be like him? That is what they are seeing modeled for them. What he is doing to them will damage them psychologically. He has already damaged you psychologically and it will only get worse.

Do whatever you need to get out of there. If you have to move a few states away to live with family, DO IT! The further you are away from him, the better. No one's life should be as bad as yours is right now. It can and will get so much better when you are rid of him.

Two weeks ago while massaging his feet and listening to one of his new songs, little girl asked me to turn a new toy video on on her kindle. It took about five seconds to click a new one. He says I can stop rubbing his feet, shuts off music, walks away. I ask what's wrong. He says it doesn't matter. He writes down in the book that he is hurt I couldn't even focus on his 2 minute song and I should have told daughter to wait. He goes to his room and shuts the door. Later I tell him I'm sorry and that I did want to hear his song.

He should be the one to apologise. He sounds really immature, as a parent you need to be able to set aside your own wants when your child needs attention. You can maybe tell a 15 year old that you want to listen to music and that he is old enough to entertain himself, you can't do that with 5 year olds.
You seem to do a lot to accommodate him, but does he do anything to accommodate you? Give you foot rubs, make you feel good?