Will She Buy YOU Dinner?

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In many cases, I'm afraid that the only thing many women bring into it is to allow the guy to have sex with them. That's the reward for them feeling wooed. Yuck!

Actually, I love the Victorian Era. I have bought a lot of things from The Victorian Trading Company and my home has a lot of pictures and flowers that resemble Victorian times. I wear a lot of lace and pearls and love to watch all the BBC movies from that time period. And my favorite flower is a rose.

I have read how some Aspies can't stand touch and I had an Aspie friend who could only tolerate it a little, but I haven't heard from him in at least a month and miss him dearly. I would have went out with him in two seconds, but now will probably never get to.

Usually couples go 50/50 after marriage, but my brother and his wife didn't do that and they are still married. I, myself, would have a hard time putting all the funds together with the divorce rates as high as they are. I have a hard time trusting and that's probably why I'm still not married. It's not that I would never want to get married, I still have a dream of finding my own special "Hunny" someday. Sometimes I just wish that I lived back in the 1800's.

You know what, Sly?

I think you have a chance, after all!

Many ladies like to be wooed in that way.

And that's the tooth!

Same here, these girls who demand constant 'chasing', show no reciprocity at all, aren't my type and are total turn off to me - I called it a quit with girls just because of that.
About two years ago I think I was dating a girl, I dated her several times for months and texted her daily once at least...but she never initiated anything at all, no outing, not even a single text, nothing, I got sick for 3 days, never texted her during that; when I texted her after that she replied normally, she didn't even wonder why I disappeared? I passed this tho, but she continued showing no reciprocity at all.

The quit was so easy, I just stopped contacting her, and in no time she found an another guy willing to chase her.

I encountered few other girls like her too.


I am gonna be harsh but I think this is true: I don't think those girls genuinely know how to like a guy, those love the attention given by a certain guy but they don't really like him. What's worse, they don't do it only during the 'first phase of courting', nope, this behavior really reflects the way how she will always be treating a boyfriend.

The opposite type annoys me too, I mean those who are too clingy and contact me too much - they can be tiring and very hard to keep up with, I dated once someone who ringed me in 3 am just because she couldn't sleep, BUT still they don't frustrate me as much as the former type, at least I am sure those were genuinely interested and they genuinely liked me and I appreciate it no matter how tiring could be - her clinginess wasn't the deal breaker.

I would take a clingy type over the "chase me like a lapdog' type of girl.

You don't want to chase them and you don't like it when they chase you. I'm confused. Do you even know what you want? It all just sounds like game playing to me. Too exhausting. I try to be myself, which with my Aspie friends I'm finding out is too much (probably because I like to small talk).

Does your kitty cat purr sometimes?

Yes - I know what I want; I want a balanced one. What's wrong with balanced?

They exist.

In fact, they are the majority of girls in sane relationships.

But not the majority of those on dating sites; those are usually one of the two extremes. And probably why they ended up on dating sites anyway - because let's be honest- only those sho struggle in real life would resort to dating sites, and most guys don't like those two extremes.

Also, the tradition for men paying for dates came about because in the past women didn't really have any money. Some may have had inheritance etc, but that wasn't exactly like having a credit card or going to the ATM to get cash to pay for dinner and a movie. When women didn't work they didn't have the cash available so it was the men who paid for everything. The most cash that a woman would carry on a date was a little emergency money for a taxi in case the guy turned out to be a nutjob and she needed to get out of there fast.

What they are getting at is the top picture on the right was where the couple first lived when Beckham was just starting out - a starter home where the couple is concerned. The bottom right is the new place after he made a name for himself and was wealthy - a palace. They say "struggled" because two people in a marriage are seen as a team whether she is the one who made the fame or not. If Beckham didn't achieve his fame status, then she would have wound up wherever the two would be (the top house on the right), but since she stayed with him through "thick and thin" she also gets a piece of the pie so to speak. My question is would she have stayed if the first house was all they were going to have. Didn't I read somewhere that they were having marriage problems?

I love historical things as well, and my closet looks like a costume storage closet for a theatrical company. I have vintage and reproduction clothes from Victorian all the way up to the mid 70's and even a couple of dressy outfits from the "Dynasty look" period of the 80's. And some of the new age hippie dresses from the 90's that I wore back then. I dress in these and actually go out in them. You are as likely to see me at the grocery store in a floor length skirt with a brocade jacket and a Gibson Girl hairdo as a 1950's shirtwaist dress with the circle skirt and crinoline under it with pumps and pearls and gloves, or a WWII era dress with stockings with the seam on the back and a little hat with my hair done in Victory Rolls, or even the biker look like Gemma from SOA with tight jeans, black leather boots with spike heels, black shirt, studded belt and little leather jacket as you are to see me in regular housewife stuff that people wear around here which is either sweat pants and a tank top or jeans and a tshirt. That is just me though and dressing funny is my one eccentricity and I enjoy it and while I do sometimes get funny looks from teenage girls, I also get a ton of compliments. A lot of teenage girls also ask me to do their hair for pageants and prom and weddings because I'm very good at those complicated updo's.

Since you like that look and it's not a common one to see around everywhere, you might be interested in some of those "living history" groups. Victoriana is a popular interest and there are groups online as well as those who meet in person and discuss and reenact Victorian period life. Down here the Civil War reenactors are the main ones, because that is how the Victorian period was in the US, but I don't much care for that US Victorian look, I like the English Victorian look. Check that out online and I'm sure you can find a group to post with or even meet with. As for the clothing, you can find and make or put together your own stuff for the reenactments. Some groups are much more strict about historical accuracy than others, but almost all of them cut newcomers a lot of slack. They do know that most people don't have the money to spend on an outfit or two that is historically accurate, and things bought at the thrift store and put together for the "Victorian inspired look" usually do just fine. If you like earlier times than the Victorian era, you might also look into the SCA. I'd dearly love to join that but there isn't group around here and I also don't have a car to get to anything right now. I'm not at all interested in the Civil War era stuff, although like most Southern girls I do have a weakness for dressing up like Scarlet O'Hara in the hoop skirt and hats. Sitting on the porch at the Wilks' plantation at their BBQ and being wooed by the Tarleton twins and being tired of hearing the men talk about the coming war is something that I could do very well, but I do think I'd get tired of that hoop skirt after a while. I do have a couple of the more "pioneer" type looking outfits that I'll wear around the house that are more suitable for housework and they are similar to the practical clothes that Mammy wore in the movie. Long cotton skirt with a button down shirt and rolled up sleeves is very comfortable and more suitable to what I do around here all day than the Scarlet type clothes. I also have two of those long, full aprons that she wore which I made myself and they are absolutely perfect! They are my favorite aprons and because they only come to about mid-shin I can wear them with other dresses besides the long floor length ones of my Victorian outfits. The headscarf she wore fits right in with the "busy doing housework" look of that outfit and it's a lot better than the complicted look and all the bobby pins of the updos from that era. I also use a similar scarf look for a WWII outfit and a Rockabilly outfit from time to time, and it also works for a 1950's outfit as well. The Rosie the Riviter look is popular again, and also the scarf works with the 50's housewife look that "I Love Lucy" featured many times.

Another group that tends to go for the Victorian and pioneer look are the Quiverfull and Christian Patriarchy sects that seem to be offshoots of the Baptist Church. They also don't do "dating" per se, they do "courting" and while it's not something that I would suggest for people because it's all tied up in tons of legalistic do's and don'ts and everything is a sin to them, if it's something you are comfortable with then I'd say look into it. Remember though, if you do check it out, that you are getting much, much more than just a group with quaint customs and old fashioned values, you are getting a seriously strict religious group that has tons and tons of expectations and rules. It's also not that great for women (understatement of the year there) and in my opinion only the fundamentalist Muslims are worse to women than these groups but there are a few who like it and plenty who don't, but if you find one that does enjoy that lifestyle and religion, then you would both be happy.

As for the holding chairs and doors etc, well that is just manners. It's not something that is still done or expected as much as it was 50 years ago but down here it's still pretty common. It's not something that women feel "entitled to" or anything, it's just refreshing to see the old fashioned courtly manners that used to be expected of everyone. Opening doors, opening car doors, taking a lady's coat, standing when she comes into the room and leaves it (only the first time, not every time), lighting her cigarette, ordering for her in a restaurant, giving her your arm as you are walking, etc are just very polite things. Lots of feminists scream about how it implies that women are weak, etc but I don't think it does at all. I certainly don't feel diminished or degraded when a man does that, I think he's being very polite and on his best behavior and it's nice. Even people who do those things don't do them on a daily basis. My husband does those things as do my boys but they usually only do them on dates or more formal occasions. You'll see guys holding chairs for gals at my house on Thanksgiving and Christmas and Easter dinner around the table but you won't see it on a regular Tuesday night. If we are having a more formal party and are sitting or standing around talking then one of them will be quick with a lighter when I pick up a cigarette but that doesn't happen when we are just sitting around watching tv together. They don't come around to my side of the car to open the door for me when we are going grocery shopping but they do when we are going out to dinner or to a church or a funeral or wedding etc. Opening doors for ladies is about the only thing that is a constant and you see that everywhere. It's also done for older people and for anyone who has their hands full and handicapped people. Don't feel that it's bad to do those things just because a few people want to fuss over them. When you run into one of those girls who dislikes that being done for her, she will tell you in no uncertain terms, probably rudely, so just don't do that for her again and don't take it to heart, she doesn't speak for most women and while those things don't matter that much to most women, we don't usually get upset over it whether it's getting upset that you are doing it for us or that you didn't do it for us. So, I encourage those kind of manners and also I encourage you to do more of them in the more formal settings because it's simply nice and it shows you are polite. You also stand up when an older person comes into the room and leaves (first time only, not constantly) or when someone of a higher social position than you comes in (ie; people who hold certain political office, ministers, certain types of doctors, guest of honor at a party or dinner, host and hostess at an event, famous people, etc but that's sort of picky and not a lot of people think about that).

Google historical reenactment groups and your city or county and see what you can find.

Do you ever wear Victorian inspired outfits? I do that a lot, although my favorite era at the moment is Edwardian. I live in a very small town and I'm known for my eccentric ways of dressing. I'm very much into vintage and retro. I also do a lot of decorating based on whatever historical era I'm interested in at the moment. My furniture and walls and floors are traditional, classic styles and colors so with accessories and other things I can create lots of different looks. Right now my house is basically decorated in a late Edwardian English Country House look, sort of like Downton Abbey but on a smaller scale. When I get tired of this era and my interest switches to another one such as possibly WWII, I can change my curtains, rearrange my furniture, swap out some pictures and wall decorations, change the rugs and knicknacks, etc and by putting out things from that particular era and storing the things I have now, I can make it look like 1945 here. I have a big attic and I have lots of decor items I've accumulated over the years that I store and use, so I don't get overly tired of a particular look in my home. I also change parts of my decor seasonally even if I'm keeping the particular style that I have at the moment. I also decorate for most holidays. This keeps it looking fresh and new and I don't get burned out on it.

I've found lots of different Victorian and Edwardian inspired things at thrift stores and yard sales. I actually have three pieces that are from the 1920's or thereabouts that I wear occasionally. They are in good shape and not falling apart but I'm still careful with them. I got them all three at a yard sale and they had been in storage and well taken care of. I have an ivory tea length dress that is full of lace and draping fabric, a brown and gold brocade jacket to go with a skirt and blouse or could be worn on it's own, and my absolute prize possession, a black velvet Edwardian coat. It's fitted with four buttons and a VERY full skirt which comes to mid calf, tight sleeves that are slightly flared at the ends and come to the fingertips, and it's lined with dark purple silk. It is wonderful! I actually wear it in the winter. It could also go with a goth look as well as a vintage and it looks as good with jeans and boots as it does with long skirts and ruffles.

If you are really interested in this topic, I'd love to PM with you about it or we could start a thread on it, rather than hijack this one, which I'm pretty close to doing it seems and I need to get back to the main topic, but I do tend to drift into other topics a lot lol.

I think that first type you described are basically either very shallow b*****s who think they are God's gift to men and they are probably perfectly suited to very shallow bastards who think they are God's gift to women or either to extremely insecure men with a lot of time on their hands to worship her and a lot of money they don't care about to shower her with gifts which she will not really appreciate but only see as what she "deserves". I hate those b*****s.

The only other explanation for that kind of behavior would be that she was taught that is how you act when you like a guy. Of course you would think that over time she would see that it doesn't work, but maybe she's just stupid and never figures that out. I was taught not to be overly eager and desperate seeming, and that at times playing hard to get is good depending on the guy and the situation, but never go overboard with it, but even I can see that the way that first one acted is extreme. Either she didn't like you really, or she was a shallow self absorbed b***h or possibly a rare situation where she really thought that was how she was supposed to act, although that is more than likely not the situation.

The second type are probably extremely annoying. I've dated guys like that too and it's a huge turn off. Some men would probably like that clingy needy type because it strokes their ego and makes them feel more manly that a woman needs them so very much but I think it takes a manlier man to be with a strong woman who is his equal who doesn't "need" him like that. I could see where this type would be better than the shallow b*****s though. At least with a needy, clingy person you know where you stand and you aren't always feeling like you are in midair freefalling and have no clue whether or not you are going to hit the ground or a trampoline.

My bae's the one treating me also happens to be the one driving me around...I'm perfectly fine with the fact too, not to be taken granted I show my appreciation greatly. What's a guy in a rut to do? Plus she works two very good paying jobs.

I think he probably wants somebody in the middle, not the extreme types that he described. Chasing a little and being chased a little is good, but constantly being extremely chased or having to always chase somebody else and never catching them isn't good for anybody. I can see his displeasure in both types. Moderation is the key.

send them my way then. I like clingy in girls. though I see it as attachment which I think should be normal. as long as it isn't a work night I wouldn't be too upset about being woken up to comfort her her talk to her. though I think everyone gets a bit irritated being woken up in the middle of the night regardless of why.




not too sure women like romance. many say they do, but they react like they dont'. they list they prefer distance and independence.

only one seemed to like the rose thing. hurts to put all that effort in to see it just ignored and pushed aside then left.

seems the only thing I'm good for when it comes to women is romancing and turning them on. you may think that good but its not when end of the day you're still alone.

tooth? I don't get it. o.O please explain

I'll reply to the others later. I have to go shave and get to video game practice.

It's a play on "That's the Truth."

It was on a show called "Laugh-in," where Ruth Buzzy played a little girl in a big rocking chair. She would tell a story, which always ended with "And that's the Tooth!" followed by a raspberry/Bronx cheer.