Do you find love when you stop looking? Why?

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people are entitled to their opinion but I hate it when people say guys have it easy because we don't have to wait, yes that's true but women have the final say, they just have to accept or reject at the whim, that's why I feel women are the ultimate choosers.

I met my 1st girlfriend online when I was not looking for a relationship. We became close friends & she made the 1st move. I met my 2nd & current girlfriend here on these forums when I was really desperate & kept posting about it alot. I believe sometimes one can find love when they're not looking but other times being desperate works too if you no how to play it; like talk about your good qualities, how your personality is within a relationship & the way you treat a partner.

To answer your OP - One of the methods of occult/new age "positive thinking" is to let go and stop thinking of what you want, to just trust it will come. Whether you believe in the far-out nature of that or not, I think it is good advice for all things. Desperate people rarely get what they want, and if they do they don't enjoy it. I find in my own life a lot that when I work on not needing something and being complete without it that is when I end up getting it. I think being relaxed and "let go" makes things come easier, makes you a person people want to give their time to

You need to look but in a laid back "what the heck" way, not caring is it works out this time or not

I've just realized...after talking about it with friends.

I HAVEN'T been looking for a relationship this entire time.

I was talking about it all with my friend Sarah.

I said to her when you really think about it, I don't come across as someone desperate for a relationship, I don't even come across as someone seeking a relationship at all. And she agreed.

I asked her what her honest opinion of me was and how she thinks I come across to others. She said all these wonderful things that I agree with, not just to boost my ego but she was being genuine and honest. Confident, funny, calm, friendly, etc. Very confident she said. She said to her I come across as 'in the zone', as in completely self-confident and happy with who he is, etc. Not insecure or low self-esteem or any of that.

The thing is, even if inside I want a relationship badly, I do not come across this way to others.

That's what they say.

"Stop looking for love and you will find it. Just focus on your own life. Be happy, healthy, confident person, and others will be attracted to you." etc. well I HAVE been this, I've been this all year.

No girls have liked me or been attracted to me.

I've actually been much more social and confident this year.

I seem to attract plenty of people but not in a romantic way but only friends way.

People are drawn to me. I have much more friends and aqcuaintances. Plenty of people think I'm a nice person, funny, etc. etc. etc.

Not trying to sound arrogant but this is what people actually think of me.

I'm not too annoying or weird or stupid and I'm not bullied or anything like other aspies are sometimes.

I'd even say I feel mildly popular at just how much and what kind of attention I get.

But it has all come to NOTHING.

Like I was saying earlier in this thread, there is no point being the social confident NT person because even they can't get relationships.

Well, after talking with friends I realized this WAS me and this IS me right now.

I mean, seriously. I asked Sarah what she thought of me, had great things to say. Ask a random dude in my maths class what he thinks of me, 'f*cking talented! It's crazy you can write with two hands, etc.' (I'm a trained ambi-dextrous), ask this nice female acquaintance, has nice things to say about me, ask a male classmate from English, has good things to say about me, etc.

But I havent been looking for love this year. All I ever did was went on 3 dates with this girl I liked but she only wanted to be friends. I also had a crush on this one girl and talked to her a bit but it was just talking, normal talking. And I did ask Sarah about some of her cute friends, but that's literally it...

What else do I have to do????

My social life:

Basically this is what i got:

At school:

So I got 4 different places to go. 3 groups and the library.

GROUP 1: 4 male acquaintances, females occasionally also visit the spot but not part of the group but the other group there.

Group 2: Sarah and her group of friends. Mostly girls but two guys. 7 females 2 males. Friends with one female, acquaintance with 3 females.

Group 3: Barely ever hang out with these guys only just starting to yet but basically big group lots of people male and female. Have 1 female acquaintance here.

Library: Male friend to play chess with.

Out of school: 3 friends online, used to live in same place as them before moving. 3 best friends. male.

I definitely SEEM social enough when you think about it. But no apparently not.

The first girlfriend I had (age 21), I got because I actually started looking, and started ignoring all that stuff on how "it will happen when you least expect it". The social intuition of most aspies is so crippled that we need to mechanically learn how to flirt, need to seek out women, and need to make a lot of mistakes along the way.

I totally get where you're coming from. I've been divorced for nearly 1.5 years and I have yet to be asked out on a date. I've gotten a lot more socially active, my confidence has grown, and I'm otherwise feeling pretty decent about myself. I believe that I have a lot of positive things to offer somebody.

NT guys just aren't interested for whatever reason and Aspie guys tend to get scared and run.

There's a part of me that wishes I could turn off my desire to have a special man in my life. At least it would save me from disappointment and/or heartbreak when things do y work out with a guy I'm interested in. No expectations, no disappointments.

I've got a good many girlfriends, but with busy schedules, we don't have a lot of time to get together.

I've nearly gotten to the point of "Why bother?" when it comes to social activities.

"No expectations, no disappointments" may very well become my new mantra.

Just had to vent.

I've just realized...after talking about it with friends.

I HAVEN'T been looking for a relationship this entire time.

I was talking about it all with my friend Sarah.

I said to her when you really think about it, I don't come across as someone desperate for a relationship, I don't even come across as someone seeking a relationship at all. And she agreed.

I asked her what her honest opinion of me was and how she thinks I come across to others. She said all these wonderful things that I agree with, not just to boost my ego but she was being genuine and honest. Confident, funny, calm, friendly, etc. Very confident she said. She said to her I come across as 'in the zone', as in completely self-confident and happy with who he is, etc. Not insecure or low self-esteem or any of that.

The thing is, even if inside I want a relationship badly, I do not come across this way to others.

That's what they say.

"Stop looking for love and you will find it. Just focus on your own life. Be happy, healthy, confident person, and others will be attracted to you." etc. well I HAVE been this, I've been this all year.

No girls have liked me or been attracted to me.

I've actually been much more social and confident this year.

I seem to attract plenty of people but not in a romantic way but only friends way.

People are drawn to me. I have much more friends and aqcuaintances. Plenty of people think I'm a nice person, funny, etc. etc. etc.

Not trying to sound arrogant but this is what people actually think of me.

I'm not too annoying or weird or stupid and I'm not bullied or anything like other aspies are sometimes.

I'd even say I feel mildly popular at just how much and what kind of attention I get.

But it has all come to NOTHING.

Like I was saying earlier in this thread, there is no point being the social confident NT person because even they can't get relationships.

Well, after talking with friends I realized this WAS me and this IS me right now.

I mean, seriously. I asked Sarah what she thought of me, had great things to say. Ask a random dude in my maths class what he thinks of me, 'f*cking talented! It's crazy you can write with two hands, etc.' (I'm a trained ambi-dextrous), ask this nice female acquaintance, has nice things to say about me, ask a male classmate from English, has good things to say about me, etc.

But I havent been looking for love this year. All I ever did was went on 3 dates with this girl I liked but she only wanted to be friends. I also had a crush on this one girl and talked to her a bit but it was just talking, normal talking. And I did ask Sarah about some of her cute friends, but that's literally it...

What else do I have to do????