Do Men with Asperger's Initiate Dates?

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AspieOtaku
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26 Aug 2015, 5:30 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
If they do it is very rare, most of my relationships the woman has asked me out and when I try I freeze and chicken out, I am very very shy when it comes to approaching women.I want to ask this Amazon out but I am too damn shy and afraid regardless of her flirting, playing with her hair, approaching me and asking me what is my name. My face turns very very red when I see her and when she looks my way and smiles I stay silent and look toward the ground. My heart beats fast and I get very very nervous and dont know what to do or say without making a fool out of myself. Gah I hate it when I get like this!! ! NTs have it much easier id say, why me?! I have never had a tall chick as tall as me hit on me before its usually really short ones, sure I dont mind but this one is much younger than me and I am not used to that and it freaks me out at times!


Wow, really, you have had girlfriends before because they asked you out first, made the first move on you?
Yeah..I don't know why though.


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Earthling
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31 Aug 2015, 7:09 pm

Personally I struggle with initiating and would never approach anyone.
Even the thought of that feels like the onset of a meltdown.
So essentially, there is no way to tell me to start initiating, because I don't.

Whenever I need to converse with women I try to keep the stuff I say as asexual as possible to not even give me or the other person the idea that it could mean anything other than factual neutral expression. Also I try not to look at women's asses and into their eyes while speaking.
So I don't show girls that I like them because that's not my normal mode of operation. Also I don't have a follow-up.

Sometimes I seem to have flirted subconciously which has made girls try to ask me out.
I suppose that's a type of initiating dates... in a way.

One time in philosophy class I had to explain to a girl a philosophical concept.
For some reason that day I was over-motivated.
I tried very hard using gestures and a different tone of voice, standing close to her and asking her if she understands, saying she can ask me at any point if she doesn't understand anything. Very authoritative though, not like an ass-kissing wuss.
Honestly, I was kinda aware that something wasn't right about that situation, but couldn't tell what it was.
I started to realize when she played with her hair looking at me from the other side of the classroom.
After class she asked me if I wanted to "go somewhere together sometime" and I talked around the issue and got her to go away.
After that I was a total as*hole to her for making me uncomfortable. :evil: The End. :heart:
But hey, totally initiated that one! :lol: :lol: :lol:



kraftiekortie
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31 Aug 2015, 8:40 pm

Ah Man, Earthling....that was your chance!

She thought you were intelligent; she's apparently a sapiosexual.

Go after her, and don't be a wuss!



Bataar
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01 Sep 2015, 11:20 am

Earthling wrote:
Personally I struggle with initiating and would never approach anyone.
Even the thought of that feels like the onset of a meltdown.
So essentially, there is no way to tell me to start initiating, because I don't.

Whenever I need to converse with women I try to keep the stuff I say as asexual as possible to not even give me or the other person the idea that it could mean anything other than factual neutral expression. Also I try not to look at women's asses and into their eyes while speaking.
So I don't show girls that I like them because that's not my normal mode of operation. Also I don't have a follow-up.

Sometimes I seem to have flirted subconciously which has made girls try to ask me out.
I suppose that's a type of initiating dates... in a way.

One time in philosophy class I had to explain to a girl a philosophical concept.
For some reason that day I was over-motivated.
I tried very hard using gestures and a different tone of voice, standing close to her and asking her if she understands, saying she can ask me at any point if she doesn't understand anything. Very authoritative though, not like an ass-kissing wuss.
Honestly, I was kinda aware that something wasn't right about that situation, but couldn't tell what it was.
I started to realize when she played with her hair looking at me from the other side of the classroom.
After class she asked me if I wanted to "go somewhere together sometime" and I talked around the issue and got her to go away.
After that I was a total as*hole to her for making me uncomfortable. :evil: The End. :heart:
But hey, totally initiated that one! :lol: :lol: :lol:

I don't recognize flirting either. Me and a couple of friends at the time were at a bar and I left our table to go get a drink. As I was waiting in line a girl came over and asked me how tall I am (6'6" btw). I told her and she said something about it, I made a joke about how being tall is a pain in the ass (it really is) and then I was able to get my drink so I went back to my table. My friends wanted to know if I got her number and I said no, she just wanted to know how tall I am. They said she was completely flirting with me and I didn't catch it. That was before I even knew about Aspergers let alone that I was cursed with it.



Nambo
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01 Sep 2015, 3:42 pm

Many of us feel inferior and unloveable, a clue being that he was surprised that you found something he was interested in to be interesting.
Men need signs that a woman is interested, Aspies cant read signs, so you just got to go out with him without even asking, after a while he will realise he is having a relationship with you.
How it used to happen with me, once for instance, I was just walking along with a girl from the church, she was young and incredibly beautiful, not in a million years would I have though she would ever have gone out with me.
Suddenly, she just hooked her arm under mine and that was that, we were dating.



Earthling
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01 Sep 2015, 5:00 pm

@Bataar Do you really not catch up on it? I mean I don't either BUT I can tell that something is unusual when it happens.

I wouldn't do anything even If I could because I'm always tired (Internet addiction: stay up all night), which means operating on low energy/motivation levels when social interaction is called for. I'd eiter freeze, flee or act weird-creepy-aggressive. :? Not to sound offensive or anything, but were you fully awake at the time?

kraftiekortie wrote:
Ah Man, Earthling....that was your chance!

She thought you were intelligent; she's apparently a sapiosexual.

Go after her, and don't be a wuss!

I know.
It's too late, that was years ago, I've graduated since. Plus, I've been really mean to her. Then I felt bad about it, tried to be less mean in my wuss-y way, but she didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. I don't blame her for it.

I remember other nice girls. Not sure if they were interested in dating me or just as a friend though.
I didn't care to find out. It's not like I would initiate. :lmao:



kraftiekortie
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01 Sep 2015, 5:07 pm

I think there's potential there, Earthling.

You don't to have initiate in the "normal" manner. Just about stuff she's interested in. Then you could propose going somewhere related to your common interest. No pressure, no "date" (unless you choose to call it a "date" in retrospect).



Bataar
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01 Sep 2015, 5:38 pm

Earthling wrote:
@Bataar Do you really not catch up on it? I mean I don't either BUT I can tell that something is unusual when it happens.

I wouldn't do anything even If I could because I'm always tired (Internet addiction: stay up all night), which means operating on low energy/motivation levels when social interaction is called for. I'd eiter freeze, flee or act weird-creepy-aggressive. :? Not to sound offensive or anything, but were you fully awake at the time?!

I really had no idea. She was asking about my height which is something that's pretty common. This was several years ago so I don't remember all the specifics, but I honestly had no idea. As far as I could tell, she saw someone who's quite a bit taller than the average person and was curious to know how tall that person actually was so I provided her with the information she requested.



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01 Sep 2015, 11:26 pm

Nambo wrote:
Many of us feel inferior and unloveable, a clue being that he was surprised that you found something he was interested in to be interesting.
Men need signs that a woman is interested, Aspies cant read signs, so you just got to go out with him without even asking, after a while he will realise he is having a relationship with you.
How it used to happen with me, once for instance, I was just walking along with a girl from the church, she was young and incredibly beautiful, not in a million years would I have though she would ever have gone out with me.
Suddenly, she just hooked her arm under mine and that was that, we were dating.


Nambo -

Thank you. I am really starting to see the picture here. Yes, he acted shocked in a child like innocent manner. When he called me after our date, I said thank you that makes me feel special. He said - It does? I reinforced it and that is when we started to step over each other thanking the other. Last week when he returned from a business trip, he emailed me to let me know that he was home safe. I said, thank you sweetie for letting me know, it makes me happy (of course this is over email or phone so I cannot see his reaction). For the past several months, he has continued to always address me by a pet name that I told him only my dad uses. When I am sick or have a big life event like a job interview, he always following up immediately to inquire. I am guessing that this is how he shows that he either cares or loves me. Tonight, he emailed to tell me that he thinks he has the flu, feels awful and would I pray for him - he is so darling. It seems that there has to be a reason to contact me, otherwise it appears that he disappears. He has one friend, he did have another friend, but he died 3 yrs ago, along w/his mom and sister and now he looks after his father. I kept asking him how he was doing/feeling and he couldn't really figure it out. When we met, he said that he had been thinking about how he was feeling and did a super funny animated version with his face of walls closing in on him. He confided that he doesn't think he is over the death of his friend. Since he is sick at the moment, it will likely be another 2 weeks before I approach the topic of seeing him again. Thank you again.



AspieOtaku
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01 Sep 2015, 11:50 pm

I am very shy and girls do the approaching for me and not the other way around! Take notes folks with ASD it is the best and easy way, although so far and between!


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WantToHaveALife
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18 Sep 2015, 12:01 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I am very shy and girls do the approaching for me and not the other way around! Take notes folks with ASD it is the best and easy way, although so far and between!


wow!, god bless those women!!



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20 Sep 2015, 6:12 am

Baffled wrote:
I would like to know from Aspie men . . . . do you ever initiate dates? How long does it take you to initiate? I feel like I will soon have to begin initiating and it makes me uncomfortable. I want the man to be the man, however, I realize that dating someone with Asperger's will not be a normal relationship. What is the best way to let an aspie man know that you want for him to initiate? Do aspie men get upset if you push them a little and ask them to initiate? Do aspie men want to be like NT men and seen as the man? Do they struggle with initiating? Do aspie men have real emotions toward their girlfriend? What are the signs that aspie men will display when the strongly like or love a girl - when they don't verbalize it?

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP?


Online it's easier do this but offline not so much. Keep in mind men the women that are forced to chase you often do so because it's hard for them to stay in a relationship.

So if you don't like dominating women who dominate everything you do it's important to become assertive.

You'd be surprised the simplest silliest conversation can start up something great. It doesn't take much



Elfwink
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20 Sep 2015, 6:49 am

I'm a woman, and I do about 50~90% of initiating with men. No one has ever raised this as a problem. I don't think my male dates and/or partners have ever felt emasculated by me being the initiator.


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20 Sep 2015, 8:57 am

Elfwink wrote:
I'm a woman, and I do about 50~90% of initiating with men. No one has ever raised this as a problem. I don't think my male dates and/or partners have ever felt emasculated by me being the initiator.


You must be bold



AspieOtaku
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20 Sep 2015, 8:40 pm

HisShadowX wrote:
Elfwink wrote:
I'm a woman, and I do about 50~90% of initiating with men. No one has ever raised this as a problem. I don't think my male dates and/or partners have ever felt emasculated by me being the initiator.


You must be bold
Well? Woodelves are pretty bold in initiating dates, this is why we end up with half elves.


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Elfwink
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20 Sep 2015, 9:01 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
HisShadowX wrote:
Elfwink wrote:
I'm a woman, and I do about 50~90% of initiating with men. No one has ever raised this as a problem. I don't think my male dates and/or partners have ever felt emasculated by me being the initiator.


You must be bold
Well? Woodelves are pretty bold in initiating dates, this is why we end up with half elves.


Exactly. :wink:


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