The friendzone is an absurd concept

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A relationship, by default, is exclusive, monogamous - without the necessity to say it- and if one wants it otherwise, then it should be verbally stated and mutually agreed from the beginning.

If I tell a girl that I want her as gf or as wife, and she says yes - then this is by defacto an exclusive relationship.

Meaning involving anyone else would be cheating, it would be ridiculous if I sleep with another woman and when she catches me I play the dumb "oh, but no one said that our relationship should be monogamous".

Poly relationship is the exception in the current human civilizations, if one wants a poly relationship it must be verbally stated about it from the very beginning.

If you add dating to the picture, then you have the neurotypical relationship preference in a nut-shell. However, I'm not neurotypical, and I'm especially not neurotypical in the relationship area. My default is that if I have a crush on a girl, then I'm exclusive "by design", and I expect the girl to be too. As the crush "wears off" I need to make a conscious decision to stay exclusive. That doesn't need to be done in an "exclusive talk", rather I typically decide this on my own. I also typically will not have a talk about being in a relationship either, rather this will be implicit by meeting regularly in a romantic context. After a while of meeting regularly, we probably decide to get engaged and possibly even married, but those things are to show others we are a couple.



Certainly, but that is the case in my scenario too.



Not necessarily. You could have a talk about polyamory instead of breaking up after 10 or more years in a marriage. But there needs to be a talk at some point, yes.

100% agree. She agreed to be your exclusive girlfriend, so sleeping with another guy is cheating. If you'd simply been on 3 or 10 dates and she had not agreed to be your exclusive gf, then it's not cheating. Because she's not your gf.

There is no one right way to date. Some insist upon monogamy from the very first date. Some from the very first eye contact. Others only after it's been agreed to in writing. There is no single "right" way to date, so all you can do is be honest and keep the lines of communication open to prevent misunderstandings.

Either everyone goes mad trying to interpret 'rules' or people actually work out how to coexist. The only middle ground is basically imaginary lava.

But the rules do work out and can coexist with dating rules. It's really simple: If you don't date then the rules of dating doesn't apply.

You know katy, for a troll, most of your posts are good, I even prefer your posts more than Yippy's for example (whom about 80% of her replies to guys are leering mockery/mean tone/constantly attempting to misogynize).

Your problem tho that you suddenly go on explicit insulting spree.

Good idea. In my situation I'm just going to see what naturally happens. We agreed to meet up and hang out and have been having friendly conversations online.

Sometimes it's better to not even try and get into a relationship with someone even if you would be interested in it as a possibilities.

Our emotions are not always set - we don't always put people into 'categories' such as 'Only a friend' and 'I am romantically attracted to this person and want to date them', perhaps a more middle-ground or grey area is better, for a few reasons:

1. You are fine with either being friends or a relationship and would be satisfied with whichever direction things would go.

2. Things would be more 'natural' - if you pursue a relationship, you might ask them out, give each other a shot, etc. it's all artificial and crafted, not 'natural'.

3. A grey area ensures an interesting halfway point between 'friend' and 'relationship', it adds a little variety and mystery to your typical 'just friends' zone or an exclusive relationship. It's more exciting as you both don't know just where things might go, but are willing to find out.

In my situation, I confessed my feelings to a girl who used to go to my school online, she told me she did as well, we are now having friendly chats online, and planning to 'hangout' when she visits. Very mysterious situation.

It's no wonder why nobody wants to be friends with feminists. Nobody wants a friend who is going to publicly post hateful messages about you on the internet.

What I hope everybody here realizes is that in examining such nonsense, we're all constructively transcending the BS and staying better equipped than most when it comes to grappling with others' ideas of friendzones in person.

@rdos: Finding time/energy to date is like cat herding for the working nerd stateside, so as far as I'm concerned my dates can bend all the rules they want. After a considerable degree of pondering I figured out I'm more interested in enjoying my life rather than defining it. I suppose I might get 'friendzoned' at times but I'm not going to break up or pathologically avoid those girls in return.

That's true. Especially if you know from past experience that there is mutual interest in a relationship.



Yes, that is part of the idea of it. If you ask a girl for a date, then the girl will automatically think you are using typical dating, and assumes it's not exclusive and some kind of game. If you don't ask for a date, she cannot assume dating rules apply, and if she has an interest in you she will probably take the safe route and assume that if she dates or shows interest in other guys then you might stop being interested. If you combine this with hanging out regularly with an romantic "overtone" most girls will probably assume they need to be exclusive in order for it to continue. This grey zone indeed is more exciting and because it is undefined in our culture, nobody can assume how it works, and so people choose the safe way.

Why does everything today need some cutesy nickname or dumb acronym? God I hate the society we live in...