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Do Aspie women sh*t test?

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CockneyRebel
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31 Oct 2015, 11:49 pm

wilburforce wrote:
AR1500 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
AR1500 wrote:
wilburforce wrote:
There is no formula for the behaviour of women, whether ND or NT, because women are not a monolith. We are all individuals and behave differently from each other due to having different genetic material from each other, being born into different families and cultures from one another, and being raised by different families--just like how all men are different from one another in those ways. If you drop the sexism you might have better luck with women. I would suggest not reading any more PUA unscientific garbage, because garbage is exactly what you're filling your mind with if that's what you're reading/learning from.



Yes, PUA is unscientific garbage. But I will say that some of the stuff they the describe(so-called sh*t testing) has happened to me quite a lot. And it really does make me wonder why I keep attracting the attention of emotionally unstable, manipulative narcissists who are also very extroverted and attention seeking. Gender aside, I have observed that the more outgoing and socially adept a person is, the more disingenuous they are and the more inclined they are to use social gamesmanship.


Nevertheless, no matter what enlightened progressives may say, men and women are different. They have different reproductive roles that are not interchangeable. Humans are not sea slugs as we are not hemaphrodites. Sexism is the belief that one sex is superior to the other and deserves more respect and more privileges. The fact that women are different from us men doesn't make them any lesser! I was taught by very liberal, ex-hippie parents that men are women are pretty much the same so as a young lad I treated them the same way and the results were disastrous. To get along with the opposite sex, you need to have an intuitive model of how they think, what they respond well to and what they actually want.


Sex/gender are not true binaries (join the 21st century and it's scientific knowledge about the potential abiguity of sex and gender in humans!), and people are unique. It is indeed sexist to insist that men are one way because of biology and women are another, whether you think that makes one superior and one inferior or not, because it denies the individuality and variation that exists in people, both men and women. There are tonnes of femme, queer-gendered, ambiguous, and agendered people who you would consider biologically male because of their chromosomes and sex organs (not to mention all the variations possible in THOSE outside the binary), just like there are tonnes of butch, queer-gendered, ambiguous, and agendered people you would label women. They all think and act differently because they are all individuals. Thinking in binaries and limited black-and-white terms when it comes to people will get you nowhere fast. When it comes to pretty much any aspect of the human species as a whole, there are always going to be many shades of grey. This is a good thing, despite some people's need to cling to outmoded binary ways of thinking about people.



I've heard about the gender spectrum, but it's closed set on the real line with 2 distinct endpoints and not an open interval. A lot of these genderqueer people have a model of the gender spectrum as 1-dimensional circle which is topologically incorrect. :P
No matter how many shades of grey there are, there will always be black and white that form the boundaries. I was born a male and my biological sex is clearly defined. I am also cis-gendered and straight. Since I have a Y chromosome I do not have a uterus which means I cannot have a baby! There are billions of other people in this world who have these particular things in common with me. And there are also a few billion people with 2 X chromosomes who have a uterus and thus are potentially capable of having a baby. That is how human beings are biologically created. Biology is sexist. So deal.

Intersexuality occurs 1 in 2000 births(which means they are 0.05% of the human population). The real point I'm making is that intersexuals are a tiny minority(much rarer than transsexuals where the sex of the brain is the opposite of that of the body)of the human population. The vast majority of modern humans fit neatly into the gender binary. I am not trying to dismiss sexual minorities but merely point out that they aren't relevant to this discussion because I'm talking exclusively about heterosexual relationships between men and women with clearly defined biological sex.


Well you're definitely not talking about me--although I am biologically female and heterosexual and have the capacity to bear children, I don't identify as very feminine and have zero interest in reproducing/child-rearing. Very little about how gender essentialists describe women and their behaviour applies to me and millions of other women like me. Once again, gender and sex are NOT binary, and the "outliers" are not as rare as you are making them out to be. Very few people I have known in my life fit neatly into a binary pattern, whether of gender or otherwise. Your inability to observe variation in humans will cost you in relationships until you learn to open your mind and realise that women are not essentially a monolith, we are not walking uteruses with our hormones/biology dictating our behaviour. If that is really how you see basically half of the human population, your future success with women is doubtful.


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jkrane
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01 Nov 2015, 2:48 am

Fnord wrote:
People - men and women alike, ND and NT alike - will see how far they can push someone before they provoke an adverse reaction. It's called "Testing the Boundaries" (not "Sh*t-Testing). It's a way of finding out if the other person is easily angered or frustrated, or if their feelings are easily hurt.

It's better to find out early in the relationship and break it off before committing to monogamy, inviting the person into your home, or even sharing a bed. Thus, testing the boundaries makes sense for anybody looking for someone to share a relationship with.


I have to disagree. People should see how people react to actual situations, and not fabricated ones like a girl being rude on a date to see how I would react. That is pointless. I've been s**t tested before on dates, and, because I was taught to treat women as adults, not as children. I gave the reaction that I would an equal - I became argumentative and lost my temper. I expected adult behaviour, because adult behaviour was expected of me - by them. A child pushes boundaries, and adult knows them already. I guess that solidifies my belief that younger women should be treated like children. And I don't mean all women, I just mean NT women under the age of 30.

Women are infantilized by their familes and by society, which inflates their self esteem and sense of self worth to dangerous levels, fills their heads with unrealistic expectations, while expecting very little of them in return.

My mother and grandmother are strong, caring, nurturing women. They were brought up to be strong, caring, nurturing women, because they had strong female role models they could look up. Women are not like that today. Not even close.



AR1500
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01 Nov 2015, 4:15 pm

Fnord wrote:
AR1500 wrote:
... Fnord, you don't get it: When it comes to abusive partners, not matter what way they abuse you(physically, sexually, or emotionally), you cannot change someone else. No amount of love, sex, money, or reassurance is going to persuade them to stop treating you badly. A person who mistreats you and does not change their behavior despite you telling them you dislike they way they treat you is a person who has no respect for you; let alone empathy. The best thing to do is to break up with them. Because if somebody does this, they are the one with the problem and not you. I finally broke it off for good with my ex-gf after a month of distancing myself from her emotionally and spending more and more time away from her(we lived together)...
Reality check, please? When did I ever say anything about changing an abusive partner? It is YOU who didn't "get it" - if you'd actually read my posts, you'd have seen that I advocate leaving any person who demands, threatens, and issues ultimatums.

I left my dad's house at the age of 18 after he told me that everything that was mine actually belonged to him, and that if I didn't like it, then I could "get the Hell out". I've taken the "Highway" option in similar ultimatums ever since, and doing so has always worked out better for me.


Glad to hear it. Now for another reality check:

Testing the boundaries, especially when you *know* that they're there is extremely obnoxious and childish behavior. It's a bratty little kid who does things he knows he's not allowed to because he gets some kind of thrill and wants to see what people will do.

Adult men sometimes do this but I see a lot less of it in our society from guys than from gals. And that's probably because boys are taught to "be a man" even when they're under 10 years old because society expects men to act in a mature fashion at all times as we are supposed to be the protectors, providers, and breadwinners.

Women aren't any less mature by nature than men are, but they are allowed to get away with it because their families, their peers, and the society the live in does not demand personal responsibility from them. jkrane is 100% correct except for his belief that NT women under age 30 should be treated like kids.

Job interviews require you to jump through hoops, but I've never been to one where they try to throw you off and ask trick questions. Besides, who'd wanna work for a boss who plays those kinds of games? I recall a dating show(reality TV-unscripted) where the man and the woman sit down at a table in a bar and after they introduce themselves the woman points to the mans trousers and asks in an insistent and critical tone "when was the last time you did laundry?".



WantToHaveALife
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08 Nov 2015, 2:32 pm

I would highly imagine they do