20 Nov 2015, 11:15 am
20 Nov 2015, 11:17 am
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,991
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
20 Nov 2015, 12:55 pm
20 Nov 2015, 1:06 pm
20 Nov 2015, 1:47 pm
20 Nov 2015, 9:42 pm
Unfortunate_Aspie_ wrote:
Outrider wrote:
LeelaLeela:
What about the guy who is doing all the right things to be as physically and mentally attractive as possible, but is still failing and is simply venting his frustrations (which is healthy as not only do human beings feel these emotions but it's better than bottling it up).
Imho:
Entitled = I deserve women no matter what.
Not entitled = I'm doing all the right things, but still not seeing any results. It's not women's fault, and I'm not angry at those that are considered 'less attractive' by social/cultural standards, but just frustrated.
Thing is, it takes time, dedication, effort and money not just in relationships, but life in general. And if you use all these things in your life and still find no results, it's natural to feel frustrated.
Compare getting a relationship to getting a job.
Entitled = I deserve a job no matter what. Even if I don't have the right qualification I am an extremely friendly person so the job should be mine.
Not entitled = I work hard, I have the correct degree, I have the necessary skills required for the job, I'm extremely friendly and easy to work with, I respect authority, etc. yet I still don't have the job. I've applied to many, many places in my field and yet it's been two years.
People have every right to feel angry or frustrated over lack of success sometimes.
So, a successful social life is earned by being a nice, good and interesting, positive person? Well, some of us are all of those things, yet we still have a tiny number of friends while a large number of 'a55høles' congregate together and are all magnetized to each other.
My ex-girlfriend is a wonderful example. She was extremely selfish, over-dramatic, would always take things the wrong way, extremely aggressive, and overall an absolutely hateable person. Yet me, a caring, kind, compassionate guy she was the best I could do, and yet she manages to get a new boyfriend/relationship (a 21 year old in fact) 3 DAYS after we broke up.
Should I really never ever feel annoyed bullsh*t like this happens in the world? Do I feel entitled to a woman/happy relationship? No, not at all. But when any old deadbeat criminal thief hobo redneck bogan grubby drug-addict G.I. skinny man can go through dozens of good relationships while even the most attractive of aspies can't, then there's clearly a problem here.
Maybe it's just 'life is unfair'. Though the world doesn't become more fair if we just ignore the issue and continue to live a life being treated unfairly. Life is unfair, sure, but whoeever said we can't MAKE it fair? And how do we do that?
By consistently deciding to be polite, helpful, kind, selfess, considerate, compassionate people in this world that tolerate and care for others.
I completely agree with Marshall on this one. Life's unfair and that sucks, and it's the reason why some people are so happy through no effort while other people who really are trying are so miserable.
Instead of criticizing people who complain life is unfair and basically telling them to shut up, why don't we give them some constructive criticism - by asking them 'Life's unfair, but what are YOU going to DO about it?'
Once more people learn to do this, perhaps the world would be a much better place.
What about the guy who is doing all the right things to be as physically and mentally attractive as possible, but is still failing and is simply venting his frustrations (which is healthy as not only do human beings feel these emotions but it's better than bottling it up).
Imho:
Entitled = I deserve women no matter what.
Not entitled = I'm doing all the right things, but still not seeing any results. It's not women's fault, and I'm not angry at those that are considered 'less attractive' by social/cultural standards, but just frustrated.
Thing is, it takes time, dedication, effort and money not just in relationships, but life in general. And if you use all these things in your life and still find no results, it's natural to feel frustrated.
Compare getting a relationship to getting a job.
Entitled = I deserve a job no matter what. Even if I don't have the right qualification I am an extremely friendly person so the job should be mine.
Not entitled = I work hard, I have the correct degree, I have the necessary skills required for the job, I'm extremely friendly and easy to work with, I respect authority, etc. yet I still don't have the job. I've applied to many, many places in my field and yet it's been two years.
People have every right to feel angry or frustrated over lack of success sometimes.
So, a successful social life is earned by being a nice, good and interesting, positive person? Well, some of us are all of those things, yet we still have a tiny number of friends while a large number of 'a55høles' congregate together and are all magnetized to each other.
My ex-girlfriend is a wonderful example. She was extremely selfish, over-dramatic, would always take things the wrong way, extremely aggressive, and overall an absolutely hateable person. Yet me, a caring, kind, compassionate guy she was the best I could do, and yet she manages to get a new boyfriend/relationship (a 21 year old in fact) 3 DAYS after we broke up.
Should I really never ever feel annoyed bullsh*t like this happens in the world? Do I feel entitled to a woman/happy relationship? No, not at all. But when any old deadbeat criminal thief hobo redneck bogan grubby drug-addict G.I. skinny man can go through dozens of good relationships while even the most attractive of aspies can't, then there's clearly a problem here.
Maybe it's just 'life is unfair'. Though the world doesn't become more fair if we just ignore the issue and continue to live a life being treated unfairly. Life is unfair, sure, but whoeever said we can't MAKE it fair? And how do we do that?
By consistently deciding to be polite, helpful, kind, selfess, considerate, compassionate people in this world that tolerate and care for others.
I completely agree with Marshall on this one. Life's unfair and that sucks, and it's the reason why some people are so happy through no effort while other people who really are trying are so miserable.
Instead of criticizing people who complain life is unfair and basically telling them to shut up, why don't we give them some constructive criticism - by asking them 'Life's unfair, but what are YOU going to DO about it?'
Once more people learn to do this, perhaps the world would be a much better place.
One caveat I would say would be that a relationship isn't a goal or your job it isn't something you "accomplish" it is a mutual undertaking between two individuals who can hopefully learn and grow together. So, basically I don't think they are comparable. *end cheesy rant*
And, it IS a shame that AS peeps have a hell of a time (myself included) getting into relationships, but it's a part of the larger picture in that AS is considered a disability/disorder/sickness/whatever for a reason.
I don't agree with this, but it is and it does make things a lot harder.
I'm not sure what else there is to say about it really- like there aren't many solutions other than to keep on tryin'.
I mean what else can a person possibly do? Nothing IMHO.
I really like Outrider's analogy, and I would have to disagree with your counter here. There are lots of parallels I can see between looking for a relationship (especially as a male) and looking for a job. When looking for either, your prospects are much higher if you're as fit a candidate as possible, and if your qualifications don't match the demands, you're either going to go job/relationshipless or you're going to have to settle for what you can get. You're going to be somewhat bitter if you see people you deem to be less qualified than you taking a job you wanted/person you wanted to be with. If you can't get either no matter how hard you try, you're going to be frustrated.
You say that a relationship is not a goal. If that were true, dating websites would be going out of business. You also describe a relationship as a mutual undertaking between two individuals. Sure, that's true, but I would make the case that a job interviewee landing a job at a company benefits both the brand new employee, and their employer. It too is a mutual undertaking of sorts between employer and employee, aligning their goals and forging a mutually beneficial relationship.
So yeah, the differences between the two notions do not undermine the similarities.
22 Nov 2015, 2:39 am
