What do romantic relationships entail?

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rdos
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11 Jan 2016, 12:50 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Woah there I am a neurodiverse female, and I don't mind that my boyfriend would probably be better able to physically defend me than I'd be able to physically defend him. And yeah I feel a little less likely to get assaulted if I am walking around with him at night than by myself which I like.....Quit trying to speak for all neurodiverse women.


I didn't write defend. I wrote protect, and that doesn't need to mean to physically defend. This trait is more common in NDs, and slightly higher (but significantly so), in ND women.

Protect can mean a lot more than just defend somebody in a hostile environment. For instance, it can mean not telling people things, warning about potentially dangerous things and so on.

Sweetleaf wrote:
But yeah I think you are getting neurodiverse mixed up with dominant, more dominant woman who want to sort of be the balls in the relationship might go for child-like traits in a guy, but not necessarily neurodiverse women.


Certainly not. Protecting is not related to being dominant. That's again the defend issue.



Sweetleaf
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11 Jan 2016, 1:33 pm

rdos wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Woah there I am a neurodiverse female, and I don't mind that my boyfriend would probably be better able to physically defend me than I'd be able to physically defend him. And yeah I feel a little less likely to get assaulted if I am walking around with him at night than by myself which I like.....Quit trying to speak for all neurodiverse women.


I didn't write defend. I wrote protect, and that doesn't need to mean to physically defend. This trait is more common in NDs, and slightly higher (but significantly so), in ND women.

Protect can mean a lot more than just defend somebody in a hostile environment. For instance, it can mean not telling people things, warning about potentially dangerous things and so on.

Sweetleaf wrote:
But yeah I think you are getting neurodiverse mixed up with dominant, more dominant woman who want to sort of be the balls in the relationship might go for child-like traits in a guy, but not necessarily neurodiverse women.


Certainly not. Protecting is not related to being dominant. That's again the defend issue.


Alright well than in that case I imagine we'd sort of be splitting up the protecting...but if it came to a physical assault I am sure he'd be better able to kick someones ass than I would, though if something like that hypothetically happened it would probably end up with both of us beating up the attacker not like I'd just stand there and scream or something. But yeah if people wanted to talk crap about him like in my family or something I'd probably call them out on that and be quite angry at them.

Also I meant being attracted to a guy with a lot of child like traits isn't something neurodiverse females are particularly attracted to...but might rather be something that females who want to be more dominating in a relationship might go for but maybe that is not the right word either. I myself certainly could not be in a relationship where i had to always take charge of initiating everything.


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rdos
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11 Jan 2016, 2:16 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Alright well than in that case I imagine we'd sort of be splitting up the protecting...but if it came to a physical assault I am sure he'd be better able to kick someones ass than I would, though if something like that hypothetically happened it would probably end up with both of us beating up the attacker not like I'd just stand there and scream or something.


I'm sure NDs are not adapted for fighting.

Sweetleaf wrote:
But yeah if people wanted to talk crap about him like in my family or something I'd probably call them out on that and be quite angry at them.


Yes, that's more what I meant. Or to be worried about him when he is not around. Being clingy probably relates to it as well.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I meant being attracted to a guy with a lot of child like traits isn't something neurodiverse females are particularly attracted to...but might rather be something that females who want to be more dominating in a relationship might go for but maybe that is not the right word either. I myself certainly could not be in a relationship where i had to always take charge of initiating everything.


You are not alone in that. I'm sure it's not very common for women (NT or ND) to want to initiate everything, or even most things. With child like traits I mean more to be able to be playful, possibly even doing child like activities just for the fun of it. It's not the same as being imature.



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11 Jan 2016, 2:47 pm

Becoming best friends with someone, and then banging with em if that's your thing. I leave the definition of what a best friend is up to the individual. Mine would be high mutual attraction/admiration/respect with high trust.



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12 Jan 2016, 1:55 am

Klowglas wrote:
Women entertain things like astrology/tarots for entertainment, I don't think they actually believe, this compared to the endless schools of philosophy, which are overwhelmingly founded by men.


Let me tell you, some women do actually believe. I turn to many spiritual sources for guidance. God is my first love, not men. Have you not read about female saints? How can you have a philosophy that does not prove true in every circumstance?

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Men come from NOTHING in order to find merit of being worthy of a woman's affection, whereas to women, their merit is innate, so they don't have to deal with the existential thought of losing love, because they already have comfort inside of the body.


My boyfriend tried to prove himself of merit to the world and found that he still wasn't good enough for some women. Then he met me. The reasons we love each other are based on acceptance of each other's perceived flaws. I love him as is and he loves me as is. He is not worthy because of some preconceived notions of merit. He is worthy because he is a complex and fascinating human being. What is a woman's innate merit? I have no such belief. I am a woman who feels worthless. I have no comfort inside my body. I have no comfort in this world. The physical world is an expression of the spiritual world. I love the essence of Creation.

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Men, for being crushed through the millstone of life, very early on understand that without merit you are nothing, and so they engage in philosophy in order to find comfort


I'm sorry you have been crushed. I have also been crushed as being nothing. I turned to philosophy and spirituality in order to find the true meaning of life. It certainly wasn't in the games everyone else was playing, climbing corporate ladders and chasing sex. Those were never for me.

Why is your idea of the relationship between men and women so antique? This is not the year 10000 BC. We have evolved. The old animal brain has been changed.
I fell in love with my boyfriend because he understood me. I did not go searching for him for sex or reproduction. Protection for me is not about muscles. I sometimes feel stronger than my man. I need his emotional support. I need his motivation. I need his ideas, opinions, rationality, his heart, his mind and his company. Because I have a body, I also need his next to mine. Intimacy is a connection of souls within bodies. When we die, I hope we will forever remain a part of each other. My man is occasionally childish, but so am I. We have fun together and we annoy each other. We prove our flaws to each other and we hold onto each other. If he were lost among a hundred other men with stronger muscles and better skills, I would search through them all for HIM. Not any other. Romance between us is the sweet kiss unexpected, the consideration of our respective needs without prodding, the cute names, the words of praise and encouragement, the pet on the head, a snuggle, an arm reached around the shoulders, a massage, the care of each other. We have a bond. It is not to further the human species. It is just me for him and him for I.


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12 Jan 2016, 8:01 am

Casstranquility - fine thoughts in fine words. I hope Klowglas reads them.


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12 Jan 2016, 9:13 am

What Do Romantic Relationships Entail?

Putting up with a lot of BS.



Sweetleaf
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12 Jan 2016, 12:39 pm

rdos wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Alright well than in that case I imagine we'd sort of be splitting up the protecting...but if it came to a physical assault I am sure he'd be better able to kick someones ass than I would, though if something like that hypothetically happened it would probably end up with both of us beating up the attacker not like I'd just stand there and scream or something.


I'm sure NDs are not adapted for fighting.

Sweetleaf wrote:
But yeah if people wanted to talk crap about him like in my family or something I'd probably call them out on that and be quite angry at them.


Yes, that's more what I meant. Or to be worried about him when he is not around. Being clingy probably relates to it as well.

Sweetleaf wrote:
Also I meant being attracted to a guy with a lot of child like traits isn't something neurodiverse females are particularly attracted to...but might rather be something that females who want to be more dominating in a relationship might go for but maybe that is not the right word either. I myself certainly could not be in a relationship where i had to always take charge of initiating everything.


You are not alone in that. I'm sure it's not very common for women (NT or ND) to want to initiate everything, or even most things. With child like traits I mean more to be able to be playful, possibly even doing child like activities just for the fun of it. It's not the same as being imature.


Ah I suppose that makes a little more sense, I thought you meant like adults who function more childlike...like being timid and passive and letting the 'adult' of the relationship dictate their life(they are both adults but the more mature one or whatever) I have heard of relationships like that and I I think its weird. Even so I cannot think of any particularly child like activities I'd be into, but I certainly like if a guy can be more playful than serious 100% of the time.

Also I wouldn't say I worry about my boyfriend so much when he's not around, but we do miss each other a lot even if we've only spent a day apart, it is kind of ridiculous. But at least its mutual it would probably not be a good sign if only one of us missed the other.


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