Sexual compatibility or common interests?

Page 4 of 9 [ 134 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 ... 9  Next


Would you rather have sexual compatibility or share common interests?
Sexual compatibility 49%  49%  [ 18 ]
Common interests 51%  51%  [ 19 ]
Total votes : 37

AuroraBorealisGazer
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 May 2015
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,082
Location: Fluidic Space

03 Apr 2016, 8:25 pm

^ Correct.



AR15000
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 19 Jan 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 429
Location: Right behind you

03 Apr 2016, 10:07 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Feyokien wrote:
rdos wrote:
Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.


I don't recall that referendum :scratch:


That's because it's not factual :P .
Neurodiversity has no correlation to introversion.



Indeed. Autism is not a personality type, it is a developmental disorder. I wouldn't be surprised if introversion is more common among autists though. But shyness? I don't buy that for a moment. I am seemingly introverted to strangers but totally NOT shy at all. What I can say for myself is that when I'm out in public and I'm with at least 1 other person my extroverted side comes out.....It's as though being in a group of 2++ people really boosts my confidence level.



BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

03 Apr 2016, 11:31 pm

^
You're right, introversion and shyness are two entirely different things and neither are directly connected to AS. I'm an introvert and never been shy and there are plenty of extroverts right here on this site.

rdos, your constant claims that you speak for the majority of ND people, particularly regarding sexual preferences is ludicrous. So is the way you project and make outlandish generalisations base on your (very limited) personal experience.


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,165
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Apr 2016, 2:33 am

Sorry but I don't buy it.

I disagree with you all.

AS *is* a form of extreme introversion.

AS+extroversion combination is an oxymoron thing; if you have really always been extrovert then you were never an Aspie, you don't fit the AS criteria. I don't buy that both can naturally really coexist - or you are trying hard to wear a mask.

Read about introversion, all traits will remind you of AS - read about extroversion, and you'll see that all its traits contradict the core of AS.

Also check this out:

https://www.theguardian.com/science/201 ... e-genetics


Introverts probably have mutations in personality-/social-skills related genes that are common among autistics, they are probably part of the larger continuum.


And check this, an older article:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/th ... and-autism

Quote:
In her master's thesis (read it here) Grimes posits that introversion is not the opposite of extroversion, but that they are two different traits altogether. And she proposes something that has come up here from time to time: That introversion actually is on the autism scale.

Grimes' thesis explains that if you take each of the factors this new model proposes and follow it along a continuum to their most extreme expressions, they correlate with the widely used Baron-Cohen Autism Spectrum Quotient.

Depending on how much we have of each factor (and how they interact with other personality traits), we can be simply introverted or, moving along the continuum, have Asperger's syndrome or, moving further yet, have autism.

Consider, for example, that many of us tend to think slowly and are not quick at communicating. At the introvert level, no big deal. Take that communication difficulty and move it along the scale Grimes proposes and you get to Asperger's and then autism



BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

04 Apr 2016, 2:51 am

Extroverts=get energy and recharge their batteries from interacting with others
Introverts=get drained from interacting with others, recharge when alone

Aspergers = lack social skills, are not "naturally", intuitively, able to interact with others (as someone here put it very well, they don't have the software). This doesn't necessarily mean they don't want or enjoy other people's company.

Several members here are extroverts, they want and seek the company of others and feel incredibly frustrated when their lack of social skills leads to people rejecting them.

Also non-autistic introverts don't lack social skills. When they willingly interact with others, particularly those they like they behave like any other NT and can be very engaging and charming.

Lack of ability does not imply lack of desire and vice-versa.


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,165
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.

04 Apr 2016, 3:32 am

Read the thesis. http://etd.fcla.edu/CF/CFE0003090/Grime ... 005_MA.pdf

and you have so over-simplified introversion/extroversion.

And "get drained from interacting with others, recharge when alone" is a very renowned thing said by aspies - you see it millions of times here..



BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

04 Apr 2016, 4:08 am

Merriam-Webster:

Quote:
introversion: the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/introversion
Quote:
extroversion: the act, state, or habit of being predominantly concerned with and obtaining gratification from what is outside the self
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/extroversion

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

And "get drained from interacting with others, recharge when alone" is a very renowned thing said by aspies - you see it millions of times here..

You're cherry-picking my post - and yes, it applies to many aspies, which doesn't mean it applies to all aspies. Even if extroverted aspies are a minority, I see no reason to ignore them, including those who state loudly that they will never-ever be happy by themselves and need a partner, and/or friends to feel fulfilled, which fully supports "obtaining gratification from what is outside the self".

From the DSM:
Quote:
Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(A) marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
(B) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
(C) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interest or achievements with other people, (e.g.. by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)
(D) lack of social or emotional reciprocity


Both my son and I went through the official diagnosis process (I also participated in his as a parent) and what was tested was our innate ability. In my case I was explicitly asked to differentiate between acquired/coping skills and what comes naturally to me.

So I'll say it again, lack of ability does not imply lack of desire and vice-versa.


The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Read the thesis. http://etd.fcla.edu/CF/CFE0003090/Grime ... 005_MA.pdf

I might get around to do that, but don't expect me to consider it as anything else then a theory amongst many.


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

04 Apr 2016, 4:38 am

Feyokien wrote:
rdos wrote:
Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.


I don't recall that referendum :scratch:


The result for introvert - extrovert is published in "Autism, Personality, and Human Diversity - Defining Neurodiversity in an Iterative Process Using Aspie Quiz" (Sage Open, 2013). Beeing extroverted correlated -.51 to neurodiversity. The case for being shy is not published, but it's part of the current Aspie Quiz version, and has a similar (positive) correlation to neurodiversity.



AR15000
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 19 Jan 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 429
Location: Right behind you

04 Apr 2016, 12:48 pm

rdos wrote:
Feyokien wrote:
rdos wrote:
Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.


I don't recall that referendum :scratch:


The result for introvert - extrovert is published in "Autism, Personality, and Human Diversity - Defining Neurodiversity in an Iterative Process Using Aspie Quiz" (Sage Open, 2013). Beeing extroverted correlated -.51 to neurodiversity. The case for being shy is not published, but it's part of the current Aspie Quiz version, and has a similar (positive) correlation to neurodiversity.



This is why there needs to be a distinction between classic autism and Asperger syndrome.

Autistic people are generally prefer non-verbal interaction and communication(which nowadays can include internet/telecommunication) and only use spoken language when it's necessary. Aspergers people on the other hand are often highly verbal and enjoy conversations...But don't usually follow the social rules of conversation that NTs do so they often seem very pedantic, egocentric, and self-centered. Because of this, we Aspies are stigmatized by NTs as being childish and immature. Another thing that Aspies dislike is small talk.

Shyness + introversion does not imply a lack of desire for conversation...Particularly the intellectual sort. You should be able to tell from being on WP for some time now that many WrongPlaneteers love intellectual conversations and debates.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 114,734
Location: the island of defective toy santas

04 Apr 2016, 2:08 pm

I actually don't mind small talk, as I have trouble sometimes with big talk.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

04 Apr 2016, 2:20 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
You're right, introversion and shyness are two entirely different things and neither are directly connected to AS. I'm an introvert and never been shy and there are plenty of extroverts right here on this site.


Of course there are extrovert NDs. Never said there wasn't. Neurodiversity, just like AS, is a spectrum, not a phenotype.

BenderRodriguez wrote:
rdos, your constant claims that you speak for the majority of ND people, particularly regarding sexual preferences is ludicrous.


Never said asexuality was a majority trait in NDs. It's at 10% for males and 20% for females, which is not the majority. OTOH, it's several times more common in NDs than NTs. That's why you need to consider this when discussing NDs.

BenderRodriguez wrote:
So is the way you project and make outlandish generalisations base on your (very limited) personal experience.


I don't think I have a limited experience. I've published Aspie Quiz professionally, and that publication builds on half-a-million answers. In addition to that, I act as occasional peer-reviewer of autism articles, and I've reviewed several related to sexuality and relationships. So I'm pretty sure I know this topic better than you do.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

04 Apr 2016, 2:49 pm

AR15000 wrote:
rdos wrote:
Feyokien wrote:
rdos wrote:
Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.


I don't recall that referendum :scratch:


The result for introvert - extrovert is published in "Autism, Personality, and Human Diversity - Defining Neurodiversity in an Iterative Process Using Aspie Quiz" (Sage Open, 2013). Beeing extroverted correlated -.51 to neurodiversity. The case for being shy is not published, but it's part of the current Aspie Quiz version, and has a similar (positive) correlation to neurodiversity.



This is why there needs to be a distinction between classic autism and Asperger syndrome.


Why? Most people that do Aspie Quiz and get the ND judgement are more high-functioning than typical Aspies here are. The data does not build on a population of classical autism.

AR15000 wrote:
Autistic people are generally prefer non-verbal interaction and communication(which nowadays can include internet/telecommunication) and only use spoken language when it's necessary. Aspergers people on the other hand are often highly verbal and enjoy conversations...But don't usually follow the social rules of conversation that NTs do so they often seem very pedantic, egocentric, and self-centered. Because of this, we Aspies are stigmatized by NTs as being childish and immature. Another thing that Aspies dislike is small talk.


That's just words with no relevance. There is a reason why the AS-label was removed from DSM, and that reason is that there were no meaningful differences between AS and autism.

Personally, I'm too high-functioning to be able to get the AS-label, and I certainly would not be able to get the autistic disorder label. Yet, I share a lot of characters with classical autism, I was nonverbal most of my school-years, but it wasn't because I couldn't talk, rather that I didn't want to / dare to talk (selective mutism). I also prefer to talk as little as possible. I'm also not pedantic, but I have very strong special interests. This just shows that you cannot categorize people in phenotypes like AS vs classical autism.

AR15000 wrote:
Shyness + introversion does not imply a lack of desire for conversation...


Certainly. Those traits doesn't need to either be present or absent. They can exist in any combination. Just like all ND traits can. Still, ND traits are correlated, so they are not randomly distributed in the whole population.

AR15000 wrote:
Particularly the intellectual sort. You should be able to tell from being on WP for some time now that many WrongPlaneteers love intellectual conversations and debates.


Sure, I'd participate if the subject is interesting, but only then.



AR15000
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

Joined: 19 Jan 2016
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 429
Location: Right behind you

04 Apr 2016, 2:56 pm

There are ND people who do not communicate verbally(with spoken language). Ever. At all. They are of course labled as "low-functioning autistics". But there are also LFAs who will only speak if spoken to and use language exclusively to communicate necessary information. Some of these people do use written language on the internets. So the point is they are non-verbal and communication/interaction is a visual activity~like you mentioned, the ones who prefer to get to know someone by observation rather than conversation even after an official meeting.

But there are those who do use language, enjoy conversation, and in the case of folks like me actively seek it it out and initiate it about stuff we're interested in. We just don't follow the normal rules of conversation(give and take, talking in turn, small talk, asking the other person about themselves to show consideration, etc etc).

I say this IS a very important distinction. Though I do not have any data from neuroimaging/neurobiology to explain the cause of this difference but it is worth investigating.



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

04 Apr 2016, 3:03 pm

AuroraBorealisGazer wrote:
Feyokien wrote:
rdos wrote:
Actually, I think I speak for the majority of ND people. Both being introvert and shy are traits with a large correlation to being neurodiverse.


I don't recall that referendum :scratch:


That's because it's not factual :P .
Neurodiversity has no correlation to introversion.


OK, and can you back that claim up with published evidence?



rdos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Jul 2005
Age: 63
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,096
Location: Sweden

04 Apr 2016, 3:27 pm

AR15000 wrote:
There are ND people who do not communicate verbally(with spoken language). Ever. At all. They are of course labled as "low-functioning autistics". But there are also LFAs who will only speak if spoken to and use language exclusively to communicate necessary information. Some of these people do use written language on the internets. So the point is they are non-verbal and communication/interaction is a visual activity~like you mentioned, the ones who prefer to get to know someone by observation rather than conversation even after an official meeting.


Just one problem with this. The preference to communicate verbally is part of NT social traits in my classification. The preference to use observation in the relationship context is a trait with a mixed background. It appears to be affected by NT social traits and NT communication traits (that's probably artefacts), but also relates to ND relationship traits (which is likely to be where it belongs).

Because of that, the traits of classical autism and the preference to use observation in the relationship context have low correlations which are based only on both being part of the NT-ND continuum. Thus, there is no causative route between preferring to be nonverbal and preferring to use observation in the relationship context. Those are just as unrelated as introversion and shyness, which also are in different classifications.

AR15000 wrote:
But there are those who do use language, enjoy conversation, and in the case of folks like me actively seek it it out and initiate it about stuff we're interested in. We just don't follow the normal rules of conversation(give and take, talking in turn, small talk, asking the other person about themselves to show consideration, etc etc).


Certainly. You need to pursue relationships in a quite different manner compared to people like me that doesn't operate like that. We will be able to give people better advice if we have diverse backgrounds, it's just that the NT way is thought to be the only possible way by many people, which I tend to want to dispute.

AR15000 wrote:
I say this IS a very important distinction. Though I do not have any data from neuroimaging/neurobiology to explain the cause of this difference but it is worth investigating.


Problems with turn taking and all the rest is not a particular problem for people like you. It also exists for those that prefer to be nonverbal, but it might be less noticeable because we avoid many conversations. Those are problems in the NT communication domain.



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

04 Apr 2016, 6:09 pm

I'm shy in certain situations. I'm much less shy than I used to be.

However, I was always the kind of child that would go up to someone in the street and ask absurd questions--because I wanted to know the answer to that question.

I really knew nothing about "give and take" in conversation. I used to just talk, and people were "forced" to listen. I think I did okay with my best friend, though (even though he didn't want to hang out with me after his friends started getting into girls, graffiti, gangs, and just hanging out in pizza places or whatever).

I learned how to be a decent conversationalist after much trial and error. And only in the past 10 years or so.