Have you ever dated or been in relationship before?

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Another thing I want to add. It's important not to mistake fun banter and friendly touches for bona fide romantic interest. This is especially important in interest groups (with Meetup being one of the most common). Some women in those groups may joke around with you, playfully challenge you, touch you on the arm, and photobomb your pictures, not because they like you romantically, but rather because they want to seem like a fun, outgoing person. Also because they feel comfortable in your presence and respect you enough to do this with you in the first place. (They may also be a hipster type with laxer physical boundaries; just don't view it as a license to be inappropriate.) Once you understand that, those women can be incredibly fun to be around, and by extension, provide friendly grounds to practice flirting.

Although, with that said, I can understand how it's possible to misinterpret that behavior for romantic interest. Some interest may even exist, only it's a low-level "he seems cool and fun, even if a little quirky, I think he might enjoy my company" kind. After all, think about it: a woman who finds you repulsive will never put herself in borderline-romantic interactions with you. At the same time, it's not a strong "I like him a lot for who he is, and I want to be his girlfriend" kind of interest, where you're longing and thinking about each other.

just because it's the way it is doesn't mean i have to like it or enjoy it

I've been in two three-year relationships to different people and a brief fling that went nowhere.

My first relationship was in high school, and I had no idea what I was doing and lost a lot of my identity by trying to do whatever they wanted me to do. My second relationship was much better, but in the end I wasn't willing to put in the effort to keep it strong. We're better as friends I think.

I just don't care about being in a relationship anymore, never really did in the first place. Just happened to fall into one, and then the other. My problem is that I survive by camouflage, mimicry, and obsequiousness - which works for brief interactions but is a terrible way to go through a relationship.

Frankly, I'm done with it. I don't see the point. I'm perfectly happy being single.

Plus I dislike physical contact.

I never had a girlfriend before. I am so lonely, it sucks.

Aspie1's posts on this page are really good. It's more lonely and frustrating to be paired with the wrong person.

Sometimes the glorious freedom doesn't feel so much like freedom when you're really lonely unfortunately.

What really is freedom if we still live a life where we a tethered to wherever we live?

Not everyone wants to travel all the time, but it still means we do not have freedom if we cannot.

Freedom encompasses a wide-variety of categories, from financial freedom to social freedom to legal freedom, etc.

By being single, we may get to save more money for ourselves, but to what end?

We can spend our money on whatever we want, but what is it really worth spending on if the only person you can please is yourself?

With the cost of living rising, inflation increasing and the overall value of your money decreasing every single year, saving up to buy anything worthwhile beyond the essentials is growing ever-difficult.

If I were to spend my entire life single, no girlfriend or wife to spend on, no kids to have to provide for, and only sometimes spending money the rare times I visit friends, what could I ever possibly accomplish?

Even if I were to get a high-income job, in today's world I'd need a degree just to get an interview. But degrees cost money, and if I'm not careful I can fall into debt anyway, regardless of if I were in a relationship or not.

Either way, financially it is in my opinion that, despite still living at home and not having much I have to actually spend my money on besides board, this still doesn't mean I could be a millionaire one day, or even, realistically, it is very doubtful that even if I play my cards right and spend and save wisely, that I'd ever hit $10,000 in the next decade or so.

So being able to keep all your money for yourself after bills and taxes still doesn't change much if most luxuries in life are out of reach anyway.

Being single also does not give one the freedom to travel.

In theory, it means you could travel 'wherever you want, whenever you want' but this simply isn't true.

Traveling costs money, even if it's just out-of-state, even if it's solo. Much of the time you require a car, and/or your license. You need a passport and various other documentation that takes time and money to buy and process.

And after all that, you still likely have a job anyway or some kind of income you depend on (for example, here in Australia social security/Centrelink will stop paying you after about a week or two if you're on some sort of payment, even if you're on disability you'll stop being payed while overseas after about a month).

So, single or not, you can't just travel anywhere, you can't just buy anything, and, if you really think about it, you can't do as much as you think you can, because you are still limited legally, politically, economically, financially, geographically, environmentally.

All single does is give you social freedom/not having to be hinged to someone. Even then, it is in my experiences that many aspies, if not people in general, prefer the idea of a monogamous romantic relationship. Some of us don't want casual sex, we want love.

But go ahead, single people. Let us enjoy our 'freedom' while waking up for our 9-5 job once again, for a small sum of money for a vacation we can go to solo at the end of the year, that's if we don't lose all our money having to visit a therapist or psychologist every month or so, as much of our income would go towards helping us overcome our disabilities anyway, and some of us can't travel solo due to anxieties and/or inability to drive.

Some philosophers even argue that "free will" itself doesn't exist.

We have no freedom.

Freedom is an illusion. We are monitored and controlled by our government 24/7/365/85years.

Life is pointless and meaningless.

We might as well love one of our fellow prisoners instead of trying to be the edgy tough guy bada55 lone wolf prisoner.

Last edited by Outrider on 30 Aug 2016, 9:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Not really my thing no.

Fellow prisoners? "Love" (notice the quotes) and being married is like having the correctional officer as your cellmate! They're not a fellow prisoner, that is, your equal. They're in charge of you. Single life may not be perfect, but it's better than the alternative. Even if I throw in the towel and have an LTR (after selling my car, so it can't be vandalized post break-up), I will never live with a partner. And I shake my head at my relationship'ed friends, who are talking about moving in together with their partners.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 30 Aug 2016, 10:25 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Maybe I just suck.

What does it matter?

We are all still slaves anyway.

Slave to our government, our bosses, society, everyone and everything.

May as well be the best damn slave we can be to the female correctional officer. Be a personal slave. An irreplaceable one.

It is better to be a dedicated and loyal personal slave to a loving and caring master than to be some faceless anonymous laborer that can be killed-off by a sniper always aiming at their head at any moment.

For me there is no meaning to life, except to be happy.

The only things that truly make me happy are my hobbies and interests, money/stable living and the idea of true friendship and true love.

I have goals educationally, financially and career-wise, but it's all meaningless to me in the end.

There's no freedom being miserably lonely, there's no freedom being in love. Just pick whichever one makes you slightly happier. Whichever one's the lesser of two evils. For you that may be singleness, for me it is love.

I guess so. I've seen what happens to relationship'ed people: they become confined to their partners, stop having fun, and start looking down their nose on singles. I can't bring myself to ever agree to that.

Then again, what keeps my loneliness in check are semi-regular escort visits. I'd probably even give up and settle down, if I didn't have ways of dodging the police or access to public transit for my escort-sexing. I also have female friends that I'm not looking to have sex with. Their company is too much fun to lose to a relationship with them.

Heck, that's why I moved apartments early this year; I wanted walking-distance access to a rail line, so I can easily get to escorts' hotels and Latin dance clubs. As well as to live in a vibrant, single-friendly neighborhood. I did it after all my close friends settled down, and it only got worse later this year. Even though my friends' girlfriends and I finally accepted each other, I can't get over how my friends lost the ability to let loose. And when they do go out to have fun, it's always to places that make me uncomfortable, like swanky lounges with $20 cocktails and many unwritten social rules. So I made a good decision with moving, even though the kitchen in the new place is really small.

I am enjoying Outrider's posts on this page. Not so keen on the term "female correctional officer" butyrate, we are all slaves to something. We've just got to decide what is most important to us.

Are you sure you're only 19??

^ Me too.

And
Are you sure you're only 19, Outrider?

Outrider's almost 18.

I think he's a smart guy with lots of potential

But I don't agree with the unequivocal grimness of his vision.

There is lots to be delighted with even in your own backyard. In his own state, Queensland, there's lots of nice areas. I'll have to check out the transportation--but at least some of these places are accessible via bus. The only trouble: the bus doesn't give you the freedom of a car.

The Outback is pretty barren---but there are some nice parts of it.

New Zealand has scenery which can match some of the best in the world.

And Australia's virtually right next to Papua New Guinea, and not too far from Indonesia. You can get very nice accommodations in Indonesia for decent prices.

Travelling costs money---but passports don't cost all that much. About $150 for a new one in the USA.

People, throughout the world, make do with what they got. They develop their own pleasures.

At least, in Australia, one doesn't have to bribe a cop on the highway to get to the next exit.

Thanks all of you guys.

I am 17 and could prove it too.

One of the most common positive things I've had said to me is I'm mature or insightful. I like this but sometimes it makes me wish I don't always feel so mentally older or more introspective than everyone else. I guess I should cherish and value it, but I find it hard sometimes to value things that make it more difficult for me to connect with others my age.

I have the potential to be positive and have a happier and more optimistic view of the world, but this only happens when I don't spend significant amounts of time in my life socially isolated and alone, which is what's been going on for almost a year now since last November.

Turning 18 will make me a little happier, being a legal adult and all, and it might even help open up more opportunities for me to meet people, but I'm not setting my hopes too high.

Deep inside, I don't like being so mopey and sad all the time, but when I'm so lonely I lose my sense of humanity. Volunteer work can help me feel better and I'm aiming to get into it soon.

A few ideas I have right now are asking the local library if they need help, and the local animal shelter.

Thanks everyone again, you've all made me feel better reading these responses even if you might think you didn't do much.

That's a good idea.

I don't like being a dark mopey person either. I've been lashing out at people because I've been so upset and that's totally the wrong thing to do. I should do something like that.