Rejected by desperate guy...

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In some ways, I feel as though I've actually been on both sides of situations that were similar to this.

In high school, there was this girl who openly claimed to have had a crush on me, and who I actually liked quite a bit as well in return. But I was so shy and backwards about it that I stubbornly pretended like I wasn't interested (I wasn't intentionally mean about it, I was just terrified and embarrassed.) So I not only ended up hating myself for it, but I made her feel bad as well. Plus, she ended up going to our school's homecoming dance with my best friend later that year, so that was a bit like adding insult to injury XD

And then more recently there was a girl I met online and had gotten very close with. I felt like I understood her more than I understood most people, and she'd given me every reason to believe that she was interested in a romantic relationship with me (and I mean very clear signs.) But then, when I approached her about the idea of being together, she pretty much completely cooled off, and said she generally didn't think she was ready for dating. Of course it was her decision and I respected that, but I was deeply hurt because it was one of the first times I'd taken a chance like that and been open about feeling that way for someone. I still hurt from it actually, and now she's been dating some other guy for the past few months

But anyway, I guess what I would say is try not to think that you're the problem in this case. People have all sorts of reasons for making the choices they make, and they aren't always aware of the impact they'll have on the people in their lives. Maybe he's spent so much time asking girls out and being rejected that he was a little bit taken aback by your interest. Maybe he was just shy, or maybe he'd come to think of you as just a close friend and it seemed strange to him that you would want to change that. It could be anything, really. I know it's easier said than done, but I would try if I could not to internalize it It's probably way more about him than it is about you.

Thanks so much for the detailed replies I actually emailed him and told him how I felt and that I respected his decision, that he didn't have to feel threatened and that there was no need to avoid me because I was moving on (I phrased it very gently and lightly of course!!) I also said that I hoped we could just be like colleagues or normal friends in the future and not feel afraid to at least greet each other. His replied in a positive way and said that there was nothing to worry about but at the same time I felt he evaded the issue by pretending he wasn't doing anything wrong. What hurt me though is that he said that he didn't agree with me wanting to be like colleagues or friends. He thought that was not a good idea and that he had already 'made that clear' the first time. The vibe I get is that he keeps thinking I will be plotting to win his heart, which I really have no intention of doing anymore. I care deeply for him, I'd be there for him, but I have worked hard to give up on the idea and have found peace with it. I am more worried about the social awkwardness we are in when we are in group settings (which is bound to happen due to our mutual networks).

Now the tone was positive overall, not offensive or anything. But I just don't understand why he doesn't get the message that he cannot act that rude in social settings without upsetting OTHER people as well.

Thanks amdedinboro for sharing both your stories. I am very sorry to hear about what that girl did to you... I doubt my guy is like you in the high school situation though (he seems more adamant that he can't stand me!)

Thanks everyone!