Married and asked out

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namaste
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04 Jul 2016, 1:49 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yup, I just googled it, it was illegalized on 1955 - but it was allowed before that for certain circumstances.

But didn't Karunanidhi have mutiple wives?

Wives didnt complain
If they had then jail

Ppl are doing 2nd marriage by temporary conversion to islam
They have nikahnama and keep two wives
Dharmendra the actor married his second wife under islamic qazi

Shld i ask this guy to do same
But my hubby and child would be left alone
I cant leave them

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wowiexist
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04 Jul 2016, 1:52 pm

Peacesells wrote:

namaste wrote:

U all probably slept with others before marriage
Me never dated never had relationship
Never had romance

Nope, I never had any romance or anything.

Quote:

Just household chores

Is it usually the situation in your culture? What do other people do? I don't know how things are there.
I don't know what you can do, but cheating still seems a bad idea to me.
The other guy anyway would only be in it for sex, doesn't seem very romantic. Also, remember that he is cheating on his wife.
What if you tell husband that you feel very bad without romance and with him almost not talking to you, what does he say?

wowiexist wrote:

If you can't escape your husband maybe the guy who wants sex will help you escape in return
for the sex. At least the situation will be a little better than where you are now.

Oh yeah, sex in exchange of being "saved"... Are you a "Nice Guy®"?

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 2:02 pm

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

wowiexist
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04 Jul 2016, 2:11 pm

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 2:14 pm

If she wants to exchange gifts/romance with sex and both are ok with a such deal then it's not abuse, ok it's not love, and can be named other things, but it's not abuse.

Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 2:16 pm

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

I did not say that sex is abusive, do you even read what you respond to?

And honesty, do you think that you gave a good advice, having sex with people hoping that they'd save you?

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 2:22 pm

namaste wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yup, I just googled it, it was illegalized on 1955 - but it was allowed before that for certain circumstances.

But didn't Karunanidhi have mutiple wives?

So let me get this straight, polygamy is allowed as long the first wife doesn't file a complaint?

I worked closely with Hindu Indians before for 3 months, I recall one of my colleagues joked about his grandfather who was married with 2 wives, from what I am reading now, this was allowed prior 1955.

While prohibiting polygamy wad done to prevent abuse of women, it seems that it worsened the situation of the women who are entering marriage as 2nd wives and lost the legal rights as wives.

Quote:

Shld i ask this guy to do same
But my hubby and child would be left alone
I cant leave them

Hmm...bad idea, if his wife is hindu and doesn't allow it then she can still put him in jail, right? because his first marriage was done under Hindu laws - and also not sure whether your marriage would be void or not; you would need to ask local lawyers, and ask about rights in inheritance and divorce.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Jul 2016, 2:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

wowiexist
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04 Jul 2016, 2:26 pm

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

I did not say that sex is abusive, do you even read what you respond to?

And honesty, do you think that you gave a good advice, having sex with people hoping that they'd save you?

Some people have sexual relationships and they are happy with that. That is their choice. I don't know what your problem is or why you are attacking me. Why don't you let her worry about whether or not to take my advice or not and just ignore me if you don't like what I have to say.

Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 2:38 pm

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

I did not say that sex is abusive, do you even read what you respond to?

And honesty, do you think that you gave a good advice, having sex with people hoping that they'd save you?

She said that she would rather have romance/dates/gifts than sex. Again, didn't you read?

You gave what seems to me a bad advice and if I feel like I am allowed to point it out.

wowiexist
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04 Jul 2016, 2:59 pm

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

I did not say that sex is abusive, do you even read what you respond to?

And honesty, do you think that you gave a good advice, having sex with people hoping that they'd save you?

She said that she would rather have romance/dates/gifts than sex. Again, didn't you read?

You gave what seems to me a bad advice and if I feel like I am allowed to point it out.

You can point it out if you don't attack people personally. I gave other advice besides just that so I don't know why you won't get off my back.

HighLlama
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04 Jul 2016, 3:01 pm

The point was about being used for sex, not that sex itself is abusive.

Alliekit
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04 Jul 2016, 3:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

^ You think she lives in Norway? :lol:

If he's a traditional indian (very probably since he married thro arranged), there's no way he will accept that - and suggesting even that might be risky for her to get abused.
We should learn more of his nature before throwing advices that may be disastrous for her.

You are right boo. I apologise for my poor advice. I forget how eastern culture can be and how women are treated

Peacesells
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04 Jul 2016, 3:39 pm

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

I did not say that sex is abusive, do you even read what you respond to?

And honesty, do you think that you gave a good advice, having sex with people hoping that they'd save you?

She said that she would rather have romance/dates/gifts than sex. Again, didn't you read?

You gave what seems to me a bad advice and if I feel like I am allowed to point it out.

You can point it out if you don't attack people personally. I gave other advice besides just that so I don't know why you won't get off my back.

I was a bit upset because it seems that you don't read, it wasn't really an attack.

Anyway, if her country is so old-fashioned, could she get in very bad trouble if they find out? Maybe this aspect should be considered too.

wowiexist
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04 Jul 2016, 3:59 pm

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

I think that would be better than being in an abusive relationship.

Oh yeah, because being used for sex in not an abuse.
Also I am not sure if her husband could be defined abusive.

Why do you think sex is abusive? Have you ever had sex?

I did not say that sex is abusive, do you even read what you respond to?

And honesty, do you think that you gave a good advice, having sex with people hoping that they'd save you?

She said that she would rather have romance/dates/gifts than sex. Again, didn't you read?

You gave what seems to me a bad advice and if I feel like I am allowed to point it out.

You can point it out if you don't attack people personally. I gave other advice besides just that so I don't know why you won't get off my back.

Well when I first responded there were like 4 pages worth of posts. I responded to the original post. Some of the threads have like 10 pages or more worth of posts but I am sure not every person who responds reads every post. And sometimes people can misread or misinterpret things. Also you sarcastically said "you are a real nice guy" as if implying that I wasn't a nice guy. If you thought my advice was bad just say "I don't agree with that." There was really no need to be as rude as you were.

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 4:08 pm

Her culture certainly should be considered.

For instance, I don't think she can go to her husband and be like "Hey, how about an open relationship?".

That might be even a certain trouble, making it even more risky than secret cheating.

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Jul 2016, 4:12 pm

HighLlama wrote:

The point was about being used for sex, not that sex itself is abusive.

It wouldn't be 'used' if both parties respect the rules they both set and agreed.

She clearly said if he doesn't give gifts and romance then she would feel used for sex - but if he does, then she would gladly give it to him.

It does sound...weird, but think of it as a trade exchange.

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