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How to encourage proper communication

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rdos
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04 Sep 2016, 4:34 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


Maybe it is "crap" with your boyfriend, but not with everyone. A lot of NT men can't talk about their feelings, so thinking that Aspie men have the same problem wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.

They can't because of Western gender roles and assumptions, which they can unlearn and then learn proper communication. I don't feel bad for them at all or think of it as an excuse lol.


I'm sure my dislike for talking about emotions is not cultural. Thus, I cannot "unlearn" anything, and I don't even want to have anything to do with your kind of "proper communication".



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04 Sep 2016, 4:35 am

nurseangela wrote:
I don't think it's anyone's place to be a referee unless it's a moderator is what I'm saying. I'm sure you wouldn't like anyone telling you that your input is invalid. Everyone should be able to speak their mind as long as they are not being rude. I would think the same about you too.


Rdos is a kind of a troll constantly derailing threads in L & D with his weird ideas. It's not helpful. He's so deluded he can't see that his perception is his own perception and doesn't apply to everyone. It's not helpful to these discussions and I'm sick of it.



lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 4:37 am

rdos wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


Maybe it is "crap" with your boyfriend, but not with everyone. A lot of NT men can't talk about their feelings, so thinking that Aspie men have the same problem wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.

They can't because of Western gender roles and assumptions, which they can unlearn and then learn proper communication. I don't feel bad for them at all or think of it as an excuse lol.


I'm sure my dislike for talking about emotions is not cultural. Thus, I cannot "unlearn" anything, and I don't even want to have anything to do with your kind of "proper communication".

Actually it is cultural. Emotions are linked to showing weakness culturally and we're very against showing weakness in the United States. Being vulnerable is generally considered a bad thing here.

So yeah, a lot of it is cultural.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


rdos
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04 Sep 2016, 4:39 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
Saying you should sit down and discuss emotions, expectations, and issues regularly to avoid things becoming problems is practical.


If you have no easier way to do it, yes, it might be practical. I prefer to solve issues immediately, and not talk about them at regular intervals, which I would forget to do anyway. As for expectations, I find it better to discuss them as they pop up.



The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Sep 2016, 4:41 am

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So I think it will be ok. I was concerned because I was going off what I knew of him three years ago. He was very shut off then.


I think it's perfectly normal for one to be more open to a life partner than to a friend.

Three years ago you were his friend - now you are his partner.

Seriously, I don't see the problem in that.



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04 Sep 2016, 4:44 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
rdos wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
nurseangela wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually he seems to be decent at it lol. So yeah the whole "aspies men can't talk about their feelings" crap some of you have been trying to posit as absolute truth is wrong. Unsurprisingly.


Maybe it is "crap" with your boyfriend, but not with everyone. A lot of NT men can't talk about their feelings, so thinking that Aspie men have the same problem wouldn't be too out of the ordinary.

They can't because of Western gender roles and assumptions, which they can unlearn and then learn proper communication. I don't feel bad for them at all or think of it as an excuse lol.


I'm sure my dislike for talking about emotions is not cultural. Thus, I cannot "unlearn" anything, and I don't even want to have anything to do with your kind of "proper communication".

Actually it is cultural. Emotions are linked to showing weakness culturally and we're very against showing weakness in the United States. Being vulnerable is generally considered a bad thing here.

So yeah, a lot of it is cultural.


It's cultural on all earth - I am not aware of any culture where boys aren't ashamed for crying or being weak.



rdos
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04 Sep 2016, 4:45 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually it is cultural. Emotions are linked to showing weakness culturally and we're very against showing weakness in the United States. Being vulnerable is generally considered a bad thing here.

So yeah, a lot of it is cultural.


No, it's not. Showing and having emotions has nothing to do with wanting to discuss them. I agree that in some cultures, people try to avoid showing emotions, and it can also be gender based. This is not much different from the ABA training programs where they try to hide stims.

The evidence that people don't want to (or have a hard time to) discuss emotions lies in the link with neurodiversity. ND people are brought up in the same culture as NTs, so should show no difference here. Since they do, it's not cultural.



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04 Sep 2016, 4:49 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Quote:
So I think it will be ok. I was concerned because I was going off what I knew of him three years ago. He was very shut off then.


I think it's perfectly normal for one to be more open to a life partner than to a friend.

Three years ago you were his friend - now you are his partner.

Seriously, I don't see the problem in that.

We're still friends. It's why our relationship is so great, even this early in. Everyone I've dated prior I haven't been very close to before dating and it made things awkward. This is good. Friendship is our base, and it's a solid one.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 4:51 am

rdos wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
Actually it is cultural. Emotions are linked to showing weakness culturally and we're very against showing weakness in the United States. Being vulnerable is generally considered a bad thing here.

So yeah, a lot of it is cultural.


No, it's not. Showing and having emotions has nothing to do with wanting to discuss them. I agree that in some cultures, people try to avoid showing emotions, and it can also be gender based. This is not much different from the ABA training programs where they try to hide stims.

The evidence that people don't want to (or have a hard time to) discuss emotions lies in the link with neurodiversity. ND people are brought up in the same culture as NTs, so should show no difference here. Since they do, it's not cultural.

No offense but you're wrong. Considering how many NT men avoid discussing their feelings as well it IS cultural.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


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04 Sep 2016, 5:20 am

I hope you do want to listen to him when he talks about his feelings rather than just wanting to discuss *your* feelings.

Some women do that, they claim they want men to talk about feelings, but when men express negative feelings that those women don't like to hear, they are like "stop moaning / stop whining".

You should read this: http://shrink4men.com/2009/01/14/men-ha ... nt-listen/



lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 5:23 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I hope you do want to listen to him when he talks about his feelings rather than just wanting to discuss *your* feelings.

Some women do that, they claim they want men to talk about feelings, but when men express negative feelings that those women don't like to hear, they are like "stop moaning / stop whining".

You should read this: http://shrink4men.com/2009/01/14/men-ha ... nt-listen/

I already do and have always done so. Believe it or not I am a supportive person emotionally, and always have been.

And no. I'm not reading your article because I already do listen and you're assuming I don't. I'm aware that everyone has feelings and if you care about someone you listen and are supportive.

Edit: especially given the source. Yikes.


_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


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04 Sep 2016, 5:32 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I hope you do want to listen to him when he talks about his feelings rather than just wanting to discuss *your* feelings.

Some women do that, they claim they want men to talk about feelings, but when men express negative feelings that those women don't like to hear, they are like "stop moaning / stop whining".

You should read this: http://shrink4men.com/2009/01/14/men-ha ... nt-listen/

I already do and have always done so. Believe it or not I am a supportive person emotionally, and always have been.

And no. I'm not reading your article because I already do listen and you're assuming I don't. I'm aware that everyone has feelings and if you care about someone you listen and are supportive.

Edit: especially given the source. Yikes.


The source article is written by a lady. :p
I am not assuming anything, but apparently it's a common problem otherwise shrinks wouldn't talk about it. It's good that you are not like this.



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04 Sep 2016, 5:32 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I hope you do want to listen to him when he talks about his feelings rather than just wanting to discuss *your* feelings.

Some women do that, they claim they want men to talk about feelings, but when men express negative feelings that those women don't like to hear, they are like "stop moaning / stop whining".

You should read this: http://shrink4men.com/2009/01/14/men-ha ... nt-listen/

I already do and have always done so. Believe it or not I am a supportive person emotionally, and always have been.

And no. I'm not reading your article because I already do listen and you're assuming I don't. I'm aware that everyone has feelings and if you care about someone you listen and are supportive.

Edit: especially given the source. Yikes.


The source article is written by a lady. :p
I am not assuming anything, but apparently it's a common problem otherwise shrinks wouldn't talk about it. It's good that you are not like this.



lidsmichelle
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04 Sep 2016, 5:34 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
lidsmichelle wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I hope you do want to listen to him when he talks about his feelings rather than just wanting to discuss *your* feelings.

Some women do that, they claim they want men to talk about feelings, but when men express negative feelings that those women don't like to hear, they are like "stop moaning / stop whining".

You should read this: http://shrink4men.com/2009/01/14/men-ha ... nt-listen/

I already do and have always done so. Believe it or not I am a supportive person emotionally, and always have been.

And no. I'm not reading your article because I already do listen and you're assuming I don't. I'm aware that everyone has feelings and if you care about someone you listen and are supportive.

Edit: especially given the source. Yikes.


The source article is written by a lady. :p
I am not assuming anything, but apparently it's a common problem otherwise shrinks wouldn't talk about it. It's good that you are not like this.

Yes, and evinced by women MRAs, women can be absolutely vile. Shrink4Men is a misogynistic site that associates with MRA publications such as AVFM lol. MRAs and the entire mansophere at large are disgusting and hateful.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


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04 Sep 2016, 6:05 am

I found it by a google search and thought and still think it is a good article.

I have no idea about the site's history nor I am associated with it.



rdos
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04 Sep 2016, 6:56 am

lidsmichelle wrote:
Yes, and evinced by women MRAs, women can be absolutely vile. Shrink4Men is a misogynistic site that associates with MRA publications such as AVFM lol. MRAs and the entire mansophere at large are disgusting and hateful.


:roll:

So if I claim that feminism, which is about the same thing, just from the female perspective, is disgusting and hateful, I assume you won't complain?

In fact, this is why I will never become a feminist.