To be chased is by far more powerful.

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beakybird
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15 Sep 2016, 8:44 pm

I very much would want a woman who wants to know where I am. To me it means she cares and I have nothing to hide. The only live I'd draw is if she threatens established ties with said clinginess. My wife was like that when we were dating and for the first year or two of our marriage. I very much enjoyed it.

I also enjoy it because I get separation anxiety and like to know my woman is safe and what she's up to, not really even in a suspicious way. Itd just be a comfort to me to know I could do that freely and it did not feel like an intrusion. I know not many people are like this.



kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2016, 8:50 pm

I guess I just have an itinerant spirit LOL.

I'm very much a lone Wolfman!



beakybird
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15 Sep 2016, 8:56 pm

Outrider wrote:

This may result in some aspie men being left in the dust, as they can't compete with successful N.T. men and can't live up to the expectations of some women.


Absolutely, but those are the types that it wouldn't work with anyway. Notice they scaled two superficial things... appearance and money. Not personality, sense of humor, wisdom, common interests, intelligence or sexual compatibility. If someone puts money so high on a list of that many factors, then have a nice life...



kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2016, 9:06 pm

I've never done well with materialistic chicks.



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15 Sep 2016, 9:17 pm

In my younger and more vulnerable years, I'd have wanted someone clingy. Now I'm aware of how much time I need on my own to just be in my head, there's much less appeal, and it would be hugely unfair to get with a clingy person, knowing I was setting them up for strife and angst.

I don't really have anything to say to materialistic or status-orientated people, male or female. It's a way of being that's just alien to me.


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Bridgette77
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15 Sep 2016, 9:23 pm

I use to be just like that, very clingy, until men would break up witih me all of the time, and say, "You're just too clingy". So years ago, I learned not to be so much. Now, I tell my BF, if I get too clingy, just tell me. It's a rare thing to actually see a man who is clingy.



lidsmichelle
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15 Sep 2016, 9:26 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
This is a confession of a psychological mess in depth.

When it comes to romantic interest: I find that to be the "chasee", is by far more powerful than to be the "chaser". The "chasee" always have the upper hand. No wonder why a lot of women encourage the "a guy must ask out girl" tradition because it is a beautiful power/privilege that they don't want to give it up. I wouldn't if culture gave me this privilege.

Sadly, personally, most of those who chase/ed often weren't/aren't attractive to me.

But I admit that is a strong ego boost every time it happens, even if I don't like the girl back.

And I admit that when a girl chases me, I feel so powerful, I feel that I have the total upper hand over them: I can be indifferent to them, I can ignore some of their messages and they would still be trying to do another attempt just to make sure, ringing to my phone, and yet I don't feel obligated to reciprocate for every gesture, hell I can even show them obvious signs of non-interest and they would still try hard to get my attention - for example a girl initiates full-blown texting with me, and I reply with one word or ignore her (yet it would mark as Read) and she would still give me the benefit of doubt "I am sorry, if you are busy I won't disturb you right now" :
Devilishly satisfying!.... well at least for some moments till I feel too guilty and admit non-interest.

On the other hand, in cases where I am the "chaser"; I often end up feeling extremely weak, totally at her mercy - anticipating her to initiate texting to me (yet it never happens) , anticipating that she will reply to my text/message; and if ignored I feel crashed, my ego gets stumbled.....etc

It is so devilishly nice to be the chasee.

but so humiliatingly ugly to be the chaser.


And so far I haven't experienced an exception in either of those two positions.


So, what about you? do you like to be the chasee or the chaser?

I prefer to be the chaser. It can be hard but I like the challenge (the challenge being overcoming my shyness lmao).

It is easier to be the chasee though.


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kraftiekortie
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15 Sep 2016, 9:29 pm

I find that there's an element of compunction....of being forced.....when a woman is clingy.



beakybird
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15 Sep 2016, 9:29 pm

It seems to be because no other men I've discussed my feelings in that area with got it. Most people, male or female dont, which is frustrating because it's so intuitive and persistent for me that it just feels like the 'right' way to be in a committed relationship.



beakybird
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15 Sep 2016, 9:29 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I find that there's an element of compunction....of being forced.....when a woman is clingy.


Ill play that game sometimes if she;s into that...



The Grand Inquisitor
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15 Sep 2016, 9:31 pm

As somebody who has had limited success with love, I can certainly see the appeal of the chasee role. When you initiate a conversation with someone, it's harder to know how interested the person is in talking to you. When someone initiates a conversation with you, it's pretty clear that this person is interested in talking to you.

When someone else initiates, you have a more powerful role. You have a much easier time interpreting their thoughts and motivations than they do interpreting yours.

I can also see the appeal in being the chaser, but I can't see it being appealing unless you have more than a skerrick of a chance of having your interest reciprocated by your chasee. If successful in the chaser role, I'd imagine you'd harbour some sort of feeling of accomplishment, because your efforts have resulted in reaping the rewards of reciprocated romance.

But then, both the chaser and chasee roles have their uglier sides too. I'd imagine as a chasee, it would be frustrating only being pursued by chasers that you weren't interested in. And obviously being a chaser with a depressingly low success rate would be frustrating too.

I'd say objectively, neither role is more fruitful. Some chasers have it better than some chasees, and vice versa.



Bridgette77
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15 Sep 2016, 9:41 pm

beakybird wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I find that there's an element of compunction....of being forced.....when a woman is clingy.


Ill play that game sometimes if she;s into that...


Ooh, no, to me that's not clinginess, that's more like minnipulation, and that's not for me. LOL.



beakybird
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15 Sep 2016, 9:46 pm

Bridgette77 wrote:
beakybird wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I find that there's an element of compunction....of being forced.....when a woman is clingy.


Ill play that game sometimes if she;s into that...


Ooh, no, to me that's not clinginess, that's more like minnipulation, and that's not for me. LOL.


No that was more a sexual innuendo. :lol: Otherwise I don't want to be forced to do anything. I'm clingy not a pushover.



lidsmichelle
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15 Sep 2016, 9:48 pm

Outrider wrote:
Clingy girls sound very appealing.

I'm just not the kind of guy who would feel intruded if a girl was 'around his neck' all day and wanting to be around him all the time.

Maybe for a moderately social N.T. with a normal life in university and with a part-time job, his girlfriend bothering him all the time and wanting him to always put her first over spending time with her friends would be a real headache.

Otherwise I don't think a lonely NEET who only occasionally volunteers but otherwise spends every single day at home doing nothing, lifting, making music, nothing, Sims 3 and nothing would mind some company.

I'm working 40 hours and I'm still like that lol. Like I'd spend like all of my free time with my boyfriend if I could.

I do understand that clingyness can be annoying. With most people it's annoying to me. Mostly cuz I don't like most people enough for that to be anything but an inconvenience.


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Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor


Bridgette77
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15 Sep 2016, 11:19 pm

beakybird wrote:
Bridgette77 wrote:
beakybird wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
I find that there's an element of compunction....of being forced.....when a woman is clingy.


Ill play that game sometimes if she;s into that...


Ooh, no, to me that's not clinginess, that's more like minnipulation, and that's not for me. LOL.


No that was more a sexual innuendo. :lol: Otherwise I don't want to be forced to do anything. I'm clingy not a pushover.


hahaha! I see where your mind was going now! You like being dominated affectionately at least. LOL. Yeah, I can dig that. I didn't get that at first. Not so sure if that's where Kraftie was going though, so we took that to a whole new level! :lol:



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16 Sep 2016, 1:15 am

i don't think it matters to me. no matter who initiated what, the tables can always turn at any moment. and no matter who initiated what, i always have a fallback or escape route (for any risky endeavor, not just with people). "what's the worst that could happen?" that's a question i actually ask myself. i prepare for worst-case scenarios, and improvise the rest. and that will probably be my first instinctive concern, regardless if it's me being interested in someone or someone showing any interest in me


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