Still haven't found a girlfriend

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Please Answer, has anyone else ever been in my situation, found a partner, got married and had kids.

someone advised me to go to a book club or a coffee shop but do girls really go to those sort of places. What is a great place to meet someone

You have to get to know people first. Not many people are really open to going out on a date with random strangers. Some, yes, but don't count on it.

In my experience, women don't like being chatted up. Either that or I just don't do it right. Instead, meet girls where they are. I play clarinet in a volunteer orchestra. So for me, a "pickup line" might be "that is an interesting-looking ligature. Can you tell me about it?" Or if I hear a good pianist, it's "You are awesome! Do you play at a church/in a band?" Back when I used to do community theater, it was "are you auditioning for anything next spring/fall?" Or singers in the musical "Do you sing anywhere else? What other kinds of music do you perform or listen to? Favorite songwriters? Do you write songs?" Obviously I don't flood girls with questions, I just start with obvious common interests. We're both in community theater, we're both musicians, so start with the obvious. Chase some rabbits to see what else she's into, then become interested in those things.

but how do i get myself in that situation. i like traveling, reading, walking, going to movies.

how do i meet a girl and have a friendship

You have to find ways to insert yourself into social situations.

Do you have a thing called Meetup there? You can do a search for it online. They have group meetings for various things like book clubs, volunteer opportunities, board games, etc. Pick a few that sound interesting to you and just start going.

I can confirm that women don't like being chatted up the majority of the time, especially when they're not in the right frame of mind, and don't want to be put on the spot. I don't like it when someone chats me up in an elevator or when I'm completely alone with no one around, because it makes me feel vulnerable.

A compliment (on appearance) from a guy can rub me the wrong way, and I don't like to feel like I have to thank them for it. I'd prefer to be asked something harmless that I wouldn't lose anything from answering.

Girls are more likely to be approached when they're alone, but often they'll put a guard right up. I can usually handle it and can occasionally be pleasantly surprised when I'm chatted up, but the majority time there's this trapped/prey feeling if it's a guy that's going about it the wrong way, even worse without an escape route. Especially when they come off as strong and persistent with personal questions.

Anyway, sometimes a girl might be more confident if she's with her girlfriends. It's probably better to leave a girl alone if she seems distracted, is with her family, or if she's quickly on her way to somewhere. If she's looking nervous and doesn't want to talk, just leave her alone.

And by god, never catcall.



^This is good stuff.

Yeah, I can only speak for myself here but I would never go out with just some guy who came up to me on the street and said something like "Hi, you don't know me but I think you're really cute will you go out with me." The answer would be a big Hell no, you weirdo.

My reasoning: Who are you? What lead you to think we would have anything in common that I would agree to go out with you on a date? How do I know you're not a criminal? How do I know you're not going to try to hurt me?

There's no magic line you can give a woman to chat her up. Best thing you can do is to get to know several women socially as already suggested to you.

I had a woman hit on me when I went to get my hair cut two weeks before my 2nd girlfriend broke up with me. She was very disappointed I had a girlfriend so I believe some women are interested in strange guys.

Last edited by nick007 on 12 Dec 2016, 8:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Don't approach women when they're on their way to work, they're in a rush and want peace.

Don't approach women at work, they want to work in peace.

Don't approach women at public transportation, they want to travel in peace.

- Don't approach random women in the streets, they want to walk in peace.

Don't approach women at grocery stores, they want to shop in peace.

Don't approach women at restaurants, they want to eat in peace.

- Don't approach women in bookstores or libraries, they want to browse books in peace.

Don't approach fellow university students studying on campus grounds, they want to study in peace.

- Don't approach women at coffee places, they want to work/study on their laptops, read, listen to music, or otherwise chill in peace.

- Don't approach women at nightclubs, they want to hang out with their friends in peace.

- Don't approach women at hobby groups, they want to just enjoy themselves and make friends in peace.

Don't approach women at concerts, they just want to have a fun time with their friends in peace.

- Don't approach women at the beach, they just want to have a fun day at the beach in peace.

Don't approach women at the gym, they want to workout in peace.

Don't be too forward by calling a woman 'cute' or 'pretty', don't compliment her on her appearance at all, this is creepy.

Don't be friends with a woman first, either, or else she will only see you as a friend, and then feel hurt that you did not want to be friends with her but wanted to date her, or that she has been lied to because you didn't make your intentions clear, this is creepy.

Don't try too little.

Don't try too hard.

The lesson here? At least half of those on the list were sarcasm!

The stuff that wasn't has a dash next to it like this: -

The other lesson?

Dating is f*cking hard and pointless.

What do you actually DO?

DO improve yourself as a person, and try your best not to get obsessed. You already like yourself for who you are, trying to improve yourself too much might actually LOWER your self-esteem because you start to see negative things in yourself that 'need' to be improved.

For example I use to be fine having an average body but once I started lifting weights, I've become obsessed with trying to get muscular and feel terrible about myself that I'm not.

I use to dress way worse but now I dress better and like the way I dress, but it still doesn't fit popular fashion standards and other people might still consider the way I dress stupid.

I now work hard on my health and hygiene, which is a damn shame that no matter how much I improve my teeth, they are crooked and yellow compared to the white straight teeth of other guys, even if I take good care of my face there are guys with naturally good looking faces thanks to their genetics.

Getting too obsessed with self-improvement will not increase your self-esteem or confidence, but make you feel worse because it seems no matter how much you improve, you still don't feel 'good enough' for a girlfriend because no girl has ever actually wanted to be with you...

DO approach women in SOME situations.

I think 'cold approaching' (approaching stranger women) should only be done as a last resort, but for a lot of lonely men and people with disabilities, it doesn't take very long before this happens.

Most peple tend to have groups of friends of 2-6 people they can frequently go out with and for this reason constantly meet new peple and friends of friends and family friends and family members of friends here and there lslowly overtime.

Most people also are studying or have jobs.

But for a NEET, there is very few if any ways to actually meet anyone their age.

Disregard what some women say, apporoach women in any situation that is not obviously dangerous or would make her uncomfortable.

Do not approach at night or women in dakr corners, etc. have common sense.

Gym, grocery store, public transportation, when she's at work, etc. are all not goood places at all.

But book stores, social groups, in the streets in broad daylight in open, public spaces with plenty of people are fine.

DO ask out a female acquaintance you may be attracted to after talking to her a few times at a social group. Not a friend who you've known for a long time, but a female acquaintance.

DO learn to love yourself for who you are.

DO take the advice of everyone else here.

But most importantly:

DO not get obsessed with dating, try to just get to know as many women as possible and ask out a few here and there.

The best, most pure type of love is one that happens completely naturally, with very little effort from yourself.

You meet someone you have a natural connection with who DOES like you for who you are, rather than someone who needs the idea of some conventional looking guy who follows mainstream interests and fashion standards and tries their hardest to fit in and is obsessed with being like every other guy out there.

The problem is, there's really NO situation where it's considered appropriate by women to be approached.

All women are different and inidivudal, yes?

So this means no matter what situation you approach her, some women will like it,, and some won't.

Some will like being approached while browsing in a bookstore, some won't.

Some will like being approached while she's relaxing at the park, others won't.

So best to just approach women anyway as long as you don't do it creepily and don't approach in obviously bad scenarios like at night or when she's alone in an alley or such, and you should be good to go.

Or are most/all women the same and we should make generalizations about them and claim they don't ever like to be approached when I'm sure there's plenty that would?

Enjoyed reading this post!

As a guy, it's important to distinguish more "human" responses from ultra-feminist propaganda. I'm not interested in seeing girls like that, so if she tells me to fark arf, I consider it doing me a favor. Sure, it's provocative. Sure, it can feel humiliating if you fail to recognize it. This whole "do not approach women..." is nothing more than rhetoric. Sticks and stones.

Don't fall for it. You ARE allowed to talk to girls. Yes, there ARE ways of doing it that are inappropriate and creepy. So don't do that. And you don't have to ask permission first!

Build up your circle of friends, draw your dating pool from that and start expanding. Then when you do go out with a girl, she's like, "well, YEAH, I'm hanging out with him. That's what FRIENDS do." Now, you might be able to move the needle past "friends" and you may not. But the more you "hang out" one-on-one with different girls, the closer you get to a romantic LTR.

That is if you can even make friends in the first place.

Honestly, it's easiest to meet people through your friends, you barely even have to try. That's how I've met every single guy, almost.

Now how do you find someone to meet if you don't really have any friends outside of work, and even then, meet up with someone if your free time is usually between 12AM-6AM?

What if you don't have friends?

Make friends first?

What if this takes several years and you've been trying your whole life anyway, to no avail?

What if you have a disability that makes it difficult for you to make friends, like, oh I dunno, Aspergers Syndrome?

Should you really sacrifice looking for love and potentially missing out on your soulmate just for that?

There are people in relationships who have NO friends, they are rare but they exist.

Why can't, nay, why SHOULDN'T that be you?

What if even if you have friends, they are all single, lonely males, just like you, who know no women, just like you?

What if even if you have female friends, they don't ever introduce you to women to date?

I've already had female friends and they were never available and never had anyone to introduce me too.

Even so, there's no guarantees.

You could be friends with 10 females and not one of them knows anyone they could introduce you to and not one of them wants to date or have sex with you. Ever.

What if you can't actually be friends with any women at all?

I am secretly attracted to every single one of them.

In high school I had 7 female friends and even if some of them were single, only one of them was available (and another one already rejected me in the past).

I already dated and broke up with the only available girl in the group not once, but TWICE (she dumped me both times and didn't want to date me anymore, the feeling was mutual).

Also, being attracted to every single female friend is creepy, you can try and ignore the attraction but sometimes you may find yourself pursuing one of them individually, but if you do this too much you will make them uncomfortable and outcast yourself from the group.

This didn't happen to me but it could have.

Actually, yes, yes it did happen to me once.

I had another friendship group, 5 females in it, I crushed on two of them and for that reason ruined my friendships with them and outcastted myself by mistake.

Like I said, I believe using online dating and approaching random women in public and at events should only be used as a LAST RESORT, but if you have Aspergers/many disabilities and not many ways to meet women, it really does NOT take very long before you have to resort to last resorts, because we have so few options compared to the rest of the population.

I am not studying or working. I cannot legally work and am on disability but can volunteer a few hours a week, though I haven't done this in ages and even when I do I prefer to volunteer at old thrift stores and other sort of places that generally do NOT attract young people at all but middle aged or elderly.

I prefer peaceful, quiet and slow-paced work environments.

Even this is hard sometimes because my anxiety is just that bad.

I wouldn't want to work at a trendy, upbeat, loud music young people's clothes store, considering I wouldn't even fricken shop there.

In fact, one of the biggest problems is that I just f*cking hate people my age, tbh.

The vast majority of people don't like me, I don't like them, or we simply aren't compatible.

All my friends have been alternative weirdo types.

I don't know what I want to study except maybe Nutrition.

Problem is, I don't actually want a career, and would only study it to at least PRETEND to look like I'm actually doing something with my life.

And before you suggest I lower my standards, I only ever ask out of the opposite sex what I already am or could be myself.

My dream girl is opposite sex me.

I've already met her, we are friends, we both had crushes on each other, but she is not interested in that way now and I know we will never, EVER end up together.

You prioritize.

I look at it from several different perspectives. Most people can't live up to their full potential in high school and college. People try to have everything, but they usually end up sacrificing, settling, or compromising one thing for another. By trying to balance everything, everything suffers. You have to pick and choose. And that's just not a good time for romantic LTR. The earliest years of your career-building life, same thing.

Once you know what you're doing and you feel comfortable handing the reigns over to others, e.g. you get a promotion or take a better job, you have to work some margin into your life for other things that are important to you.

If playing video games is what you value, you'll do that. If you always dreamed of writing novels, do it. Making friends and dating? Go for it. If you "don't have time," it's time to be honest with yourself. Either you don't have your priorities in order, or you do. If not, you'll trim the fat off your schedule or find work that's not so demanding of your time. If you do, then making friends and dating aren't all that important to begin with. I find myself getting stressed out because I can't complete certain tasks on time. I either find someone else to do it, do it myself if I really care and sacrifice something to make up the time, or I cancel the task altogether if something else is more important.

Social anxieties aside, I suspect more of us enjoy our status quo. If I'm right, most of our complaints have more to do with social pressure to live like NTs without all the responsibility. We don't really have anything to complain about, we just look around and feel we're just supposed to have things like friends and gfs, because everyone else does.

So, yeah, I get that it's depressing, because I've had to take charge of a large group of people this year and had to endure a lack of support that a more naturally charismatic guy could have easily overcome. I'm one week away from being out of a job, and it sucks. But it was understood from the beginning this was only temporary, and in a way I'll be relieved and can breathe a little easier after Sunday.

If getting a gf is not important enough for you to create margin in your life for her, resolve to get out of the game and leave that for more "capable" people. You will feel A LOT BETTER and you will be free to focus on things that actually matter to you. Just like my pending demotion...I might actually get back to writing and producing music again. I might actually take part 2 of this film composing course I took last winter. I might send a C.V. out to see if there's a full time gig open doing what I've been doing this year. Maybe I'll start my own band. Who knows? Sky's the limit.

Giving up something that doesn't work for you means gaining time/energy to focus elsewhere. Just don't forget that works BOTH ways. All you have to do is decide what you really want the most and then go for it.

You can sum up this entire post in one word: Prioritize.