How do some people get partners so easily?

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JakeASD
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24 Dec 2016, 7:11 am

goldfish21 wrote:
I have no problem doing it locally whenever I've wanted to, so I can't see it being a challenge in a different city.

I do have the advantage of being gay, though. We have apps for that. And guys are horny.. soo.. Plus I check many of the common stereotypical attractive boxes. Tall, white, male, physically fit, nice smile, blessed in the **** department etc. Add in the ability to communicate/sell/persuade/convince blah blah and hookups are ridiculously easy most of the time.

But I haven't wanted to. Been kinda dating someone since we met on Halloween and hoping it goes somewhere.


Without wanting to generalise, you don't sound like an individual who is on the spectrum to me.


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24 Dec 2016, 7:28 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
It's so annoying that poor people see me as a snob but middle class people see me as a bogan.

I'm not unsophisticated enough to be a bogan but I'm not sophisticated enough to be middle class.

I feel like I'm trapped between two worlds :x


How do you think I feel?

That summarises my entir dating life.

The girls meet through family and friend D's are bogan, smoke you g and pregnant with some scumbag criminal no show ex, can't take care of their health or appearance, dont care about their mental health, etc.

And middle class nt girls are lightyears ahead of me and would probbably lump me jnto the 'lazy neet guy who sits around smoking weed or gaming or interneting all day everyday.'



goldfish21
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24 Dec 2016, 12:33 pm

JakeASD wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
I have no problem doing it locally whenever I've wanted to, so I can't see it being a challenge in a different city.

I do have the advantage of being gay, though. We have apps for that. And guys are horny.. soo.. Plus I check many of the common stereotypical attractive boxes. Tall, white, male, physically fit, nice smile, blessed in the **** department etc. Add in the ability to communicate/sell/persuade/convince blah blah and hookups are ridiculously easy most of the time.

But I haven't wanted to. Been kinda dating someone since we met on Halloween and hoping it goes somewhere.


Without wanting to generalise, you don't sound like an individual who is on the spectrum to me.


:D

Completely wanting to generalize for brevities sake: Told ya so. ;)

Long story short: ~4 years ago I figured out how to successfully treat my ASD symptoms. I still have (mostly positive) traits, but have managed to work out a protocol that minimizes or eliminates all of the negative symptoms. I've been sharing that here for more than 3 years and the general consensus is that people here don't believe me. W/e, I'm living a happier, healthier, wealthier life for it and continue to be an open book about it sharing it with anyone who'd care to discuss it. I can also reverse what I've done and bring ASD symptoms back and amplify them, too. I can literally manipulate my body and brain to be diagnosable, or, as I prefer to live day to day, so high functioning that I'd have to point out my ASD traits to an expert in order to have them believe me.

It is what it is.. and just like my signature said for a couple of years: Just because you don't believe me doesn't make me a liar.


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goldfish21
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24 Dec 2016, 12:43 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
I hate seeing people who are 5 or 10 years younger than me doing stuff I haven't got up to yet. I hate it when people 5 or 10 years younger than me are more advanced than me and more mature than me. It makes me feel like a I'm a lazy ret*d.


I used to hate that stuff, too. It was frustrating seeing my friends in relationships, careers, and having money & other successes I hadn't managed yet. ~5 years ago I was $110K in debt then bankrupt, out of shape, horribly depressed and very ASD. I was a mess. Anything to the contrary seemed impossible. Now, while I don't have a fancy career title, I've been back to work for a few years, I have more money than most of my friends as I've rocketed passed them in savings & investments because they have high rent or mortgage payments, wives & babies etc. Not that life's a race, but it's human nature to be competitive and compare, but now? Yeah.. in so many ways I'm light years ahead of them!! Not in the relationship department yet, but w/e, at least things are looking way way up all around and ya never know I might just end up in a LTR just the same as my heterosexual NT counterparts. And maybe not ?? w/e, doesn't matter, as I have other goals that take priority besides relationship stuff.

I guess my point is that these things, and thoughts and perspectives and situations etc, can ALL change if you change and your thoughts and reactions to them change.


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sly279
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24 Dec 2016, 1:03 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Because some people are just better than others. If you were worthwhile, you'd have a partner. But you don't, proving that you are not worthwhile. Same with all the forever-alone people.
That makes sense up to a point. The highly successful people I know in meatspace have stable relationships. They also have relationships starting at much younger ages (teenaged).

However, I also know guys who are unemployable bogans who get partners very easily as well (the guy I mentioned in my opening post is an unemployable bogan).

I get why girls like highly successful guys but why do some other girls like guys who have never had a job in their lives?
You're misunderstanding. Worthwhile isn't something based on financial situation. The point is, forever alone people have an "aura" if you will, of vileness. We're single because we don't deserve relationships. I can't pinpoint what I did to make me a freak, but I know I did it. People like us need to know our place, and you seem to be in denial.
Maybe you're right but I can't figure out what this aura is or how to mitigate it.
If you're lucky and just a "late bloomer". But if you truly are a monster, you can never, ever, fix it.
But I hate being a late bloomer. Doing stuff 5 or 10 years later than other people fills me with shame and dread.

I hate seeing people who are 5 or 10 years younger than me doing stuff I haven't got up to yet. I hate it when people 5 or 10 years younger than me are more advanced than me and more mature than me. It makes me feel like a I'm a lazy ret*d.


Better the people like me who never be loved and end up killing themselves before 40



mathiebrungrand
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24 Dec 2016, 3:32 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Because some people are just better than others. If you were worthwhile, you'd have a partner. But you don't, proving that you are not worthwhile. Same with all the forever-alone people.


So people aren't worthwhile until they get into relationships? How does that work? If you have to be worthwhile to get into a relationship but the only way to be worthwhile is to already have a partner, how does anyone get a relationship?


I suppose it was a bit vague.

What I mean is, if a person who wants one hasn't had a real relationship by the age of 20 then it's a sign that something is horribly wrong. Most 30-year-olds are married, or at the very least have had lots of relationship experience.


Well, let's not assume that those people who have had those lasting relationships DON'T have something horribly wrong with them. I am surrounded by 30-somethings who are married and/or in long term relationships and seem incredibly unhappy to me. I think a lot of people don't like the criticism and social pressure that comes with being single in their 30s and are willing to be in a bad relationship rather than be alone. I made that mistake with my last boyfriend, and I gotta say, better to be alone than dating someone that makes you unhappy.


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RetroGamer87
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24 Dec 2016, 4:44 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
Long story short: ~4 years ago I figured out how to successfully treat my ASD symptoms.
How do you do that?


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goldfish21
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24 Dec 2016, 4:52 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Long story short: ~4 years ago I figured out how to successfully treat my ASD symptoms.
How do you do that?


With science. And hard work. And discipline. And natural medicine. And time. And patience. And determination.. all those things. But mostly science. I'll PM you.


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JakeASD
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25 Dec 2016, 5:25 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Long story short: ~4 years ago I figured out how to successfully treat my ASD symptoms.
How do you do that?


With science. And hard work. And discipline. And natural medicine. And time. And patience. And determination.. all those things. But mostly science. I'll PM you.


I'd be interested to know too if you don't mind.


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25 Dec 2016, 6:13 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
It's so annoying that poor people see me as a snob but middle class people see me as a bogan.

I'm not unsophisticated enough to be a bogan but I'm not sophisticated enough to be middle class.

I feel like I'm trapped between two worlds :x


how can you be sure that's how they see you?

if there were some way to convince people. you aren't a snob or a bogan, that would only help you massively i think. stuff like charity work is, stereotypically, uncharacteristic of both.

if they know you're neither a snob nor bogan, that'd come off as someone who is uncomplicated, easy to get along with, and trust me, LOTS of people would prefer that than someone wild.


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25 Dec 2016, 10:20 pm

To summarise what I have observed, and notes from the books and psychologists. Why people get partners so easily?

1. Females have a choice, yes or no. But a guy have to deal with a no.
2. Socially charismatic and popular person attracts more attention socially, hence they have a higher chance of mating with someone
3. Society used to NT negativity, but not ASD negativity, hence rebound relationships works in NT negativity
4. Social media popularity contest; amount of how many friends, likes and comments to maximise their attentions
5. Fashion, films and photos of themselves making them look attractive - makeups, clothes and stereotypes
6. Majority of the society is socially lazy people, they don't be bothered on intelligence.
7. Socially accepting alcoholism
8. Superficial values attracts superfilism.



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27 Dec 2016, 2:04 am

if by alcoholism you mean recreational drinking, then yeah, i can see how the "loosening up" feeling it gives many people can contribute to an increased ability to form relationships.

but i hardly think as many people accept those commonly referred to as alcoholics, with the far more severe scourge known as "alchoholism".


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WantToHaveALife
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31 Dec 2016, 6:30 am

when it comes to success in anything, i like to think that success is sort of like a habit, guys who had girlfriends, had good positive experiences with girls early on in life, it tends to set them up for a good positive upward spiral with girls later on



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31 Dec 2016, 8:17 pm

^ So if you didn't have a girlfriend in your teens you're kind of screwed.


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WantToHaveALife
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31 Dec 2016, 9:06 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
^ So if you didn't have a girlfriend in your teens you're kind of screwed.


well i like to think of it as a snowball effect, the longer you go without having had a first, the harder it gets it seems, as for you RetroGamer87, i believe you have had girlfriends before at least, how old were you when you got your first?



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31 Dec 2016, 9:19 pm

I had two girlfriends in high school, but no, eve if I start going to university or find another way to meet girls again, I doubt things will be going on the upward spiral for me.

I may have had two girlfriends but I have still never felt truly 'loved', my first gf was a bad relationship and her feelings for me were on-again, off-again.

She dumped me after 12 days. The entire time things felt very one-sided and I wasn't even sure if she liked me back, and I guess she really didn't because she 'lost her feelings for me' when she dumped me.

We got back together a month later and I slept over at her house the same night we got back together. She told me 3 days later she realized that night was a mistake.

My second girlfriend, we had a fun in the first two weeks but I was very anxious and kept feeling afraid she'd break up with me any minute because I was so jaded by my previous relationship, and she was standoffish at times, asking for 'a break' away from me for a few weeks, making excuses why I couldn't visit her house because it's a 'mess', etc.

I've never truly felt 'loved' and while I have been catcalled a few times still have low-self esteem and feel like women aren't attracted to my body.

I have low-self esteem about my body even though my body is completely average, I am 5'9'' and 160lbs, not skinny or ripped but medium for 18, I have a decent amount of mass on me due to the fact I used to weightlift before my wrist injury which I'll get back into soon.