Red flags in dating? Early stages

Post Reply New Topic

Here are the red flags I observed in all of my past relationships, actual and potential, as a straight man.

Action: Talks emphatically about how she's already [age between 28 and 36] and not getting any younger.
Meaning: She's desperate to settle down with a provider-type man right away, at any cost to her or me.
Danger: She will "trap" me by secretly going off the birth control pill or rubbing a used condom into her "self".

Action: Yells at me on our second date.
Meaning: Narcissistic or obnoxiously self-entitled.
Danger: The yelling will keep getting worse and worse, until the breakup or me going insane.

Action: Willing to have sex with me on a first date, even though I'm not tough or attractive.
Meaning: Possible use of sex as leverage.
Danger: Risk of paying the price later, such as giving instant commitment or having to do excessive favors.

Action: Refuses to take any kind of public transportation, even when it's perfectly safe to do so.
Meaning: Princess complex and/or life-stopping irrational fear.
Danger: Damn impossible to do anything involving alcohol, and always having to chauffeur her around.

Action: Doesn't want to go anywhere fun, and only wants to sit around and talk.
Meaning: Difficult to please and/or a staunch homebody.
Danger: The relationship is going to be very boring.

Action: Lacks any threatening elements I've come to expect from women who are interested in me.
Meaning: I don't know.
Danger: Feeling guilty about starting a relationship with her.

In my experience with people who have that fear, there is no "absolutely necessary". If driving is impossible (she can't drive somewhere, and I refuse because I know there'll be traffic) and fear prevents her from taking a train, she just won't go.

My exes were actually OK with public transit at least sometimes. (Other times, they'd react like I described). But I knew a few other women who weren't, and avoided them.

What if you are out with a group of friends?

I won't take public transit. I'm a princess who has her own Jeep. I expect my prince to have a decent vehicle too, thank you very much.

If only I hadn't sold my Ford Falcon. Now I'm a red flag.

If you get drunk willingly around strangers, or friends and your partner is not around; you put yourself in a bad situation to cheat. "I'm sorry I cheated on you, I was drunk." This goes for either sex. The only exception to this, is if you drink with family over a relatives house. Party girls are not good girlfriends.

If someone cannot go out for a drink with friends without their S.O without being at risk of cheating, then I'd say there are some deeper problems in the relationship...as I think most in relationships can handle some drinks without being at risk of cheating on their partner.

It's a red flag to me and I've NEVER seen a relationship where a women likes to go bar hopping last; not once.

It's a red flag to me and I've NEVER seen a relationship where a women likes to go bar hopping last; not once.

What's a red flag to you exactly, just if a girl is out somewhere having drinks?

And well in my relationship me and my boyfriend drink at home, we have also gone out to bars and such to drink as well....you've never seen a woman in a relationship who enjoys going out to bars and drinking?

To me not wanting your SO to go hang out with their friends and dance at a club for example, would be a red flag. Maybe it's lack of understanding that a girls' night does not generally include interacting with men so much as acting a fool with your girls (like litterally just dancing and laughing and telling people who would intrude on this fun to 'pish off'). If your SO wanted to be with someone else, a bar / club is not the only place they could step out. But then again, if they want to step out they shouldn't be with you imo...
So I guess it comes down to respect and trust and the stability of the relationship. But barring them from doing things, is not going to alleviate any potential risk. I think anyway.

It doesn't come down to preventing them from doing anything, it comes down to having a partner that doesn't live that life-style in the first place.

I would consider it a red flag to have a boyfriend who didn't want me to go out with my girlfriends to happy hour because he equates drinking alcohol to a loose lifestyle or something.

Lack of trust is a huge red flag. And I agree, you probably just shouldn't date someone who likes to go out with their friends sometimes. Sounds to me like you have trust issues with women.

What's a red flag to you exactly, just if a girl is out somewhere having drinks?

And well in my relationship me and my boyfriend drink at home, we have also gone out to bars and such to drink as well....you've never seen a woman in a relationship who enjoys going out to bars and drinking?

it isn't a red flag to get drunk in public without your partner? So, if I wanted to go get drunk with my buddies and goto a club where there are drunk girls, that's not an issue?