A woman showed possible interest in me, and I got scared. :(

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It's frankly completely normal to be scared if you've rarely, if ever, experienced it. I would react the exact same way seeing as no woman has ever taken a serious interest in me, and I'm 20.

When I'm with my interest groups, I'm very much engaged. I enjoy their company, hang out with them, and even dance with the women when the event/venue dictates it. There was never any fear, until that woman acted touchy-feely with me. (It was different from normal dance contact.) And my fear was compounded by her age: 31. I know what you said before; but my fear of that age range has become ingrained.

As for my friends, it'd be wrong to cut them off. They've been there for me since high school, through good times and bad times. It's only when they settled down that they changed overnight. Now, I know that if I'm ever in a bind, they will come bail me out without question. What's ironic is that I can even enjoy the company of their SO's as individuals; imagine that! But when two or more couples are together, it starts to feel like a leaky nuclear power plant. It's the kind of toxicity I don't want expose my next casual partner to.

I've had a few relationships over the course of my life. None of them were very good: first one (18) was boring, second one (26) my girlfriend was hyper-focused on starting a family, third one (28--30) was abusive. The final nail in the coffin was seeing my friends get into serious relationships, which I've already talked about at length: their relationships look very boring and clingy. A far cry from the kind of relationship I want, despite being similar to my friends in many other ways.

At your age, however, relationships are actually fun, or at least should be. So if a woman shows interest in you, you have little or nothing to fear. You will not be forced to fully commit, move in together, meet each other families, etc. Enjoy your fun years while you still can. (Taking dance lessons will help immensely!) Cherish them. Learn to pick up women however you know. Because you 20's will flash by you, and you will find yourself surrounded by people who age emotionally by 30 years in the course of 3 months.

OP, at least that's not as bad as having a woman interested and flirting purposely, but yet she's already in a relationship, which is very f****d up.

as an aspie,i can't imagine that being done to me:Women,And Girls (Chubby) of my own age acting,or being touchy-feely with me

It's a modern world these days.

I had something happen this past weekend that got me thinking. On Saturday night, my friend (female, 22) invited me to see a cover band in a bar with her music fan group. We met there, had a few drinks, and danced together. While she's an affectionate friend in general, like with the hugs, she was more physical than usual that night. We were getting cuddly on the dance floor, high school-style. Nothing else happened. Although, we got high-fives when we swing danced to a Beatles song.

Now, not only was I 100% relaxed that night, but I had a blast dancing with my friend. A part of me feels guilty: almost like I'm using her to play social catch-up for the young years I missed out on. But if that's her idea of friendship, and I enjoy the affection, who am I to complain? Right?

Meanwhile, ten days prior, a new woman, age 31, wasn't doing much more than touch my arm and grab my hand; those acts are more friendly than romantic. She was friendly. She liked what I had to say. She even flirted a little bit. And yet, I reacted with fear and apprehension, rather than enjoying the attention. Is it my mind showing my newly acquired fear of this woman's age?

I'm also wondering at this point: how would I react if the 31-year-old woman from trivia night danced with me the same way? Probably nowhere near as positively as when my friend did that. Maybe even have a panic attack, lol.

Do they initiate communication with you outside the dancing events?

I think we're talking about two different things here.

The place where I met the woman in the initial post wasn't a dance venue, but a trivia night in a bar. I met her for the first time that night. Since we didn't exchange numbers, communicating outside organized events is currently impossible. Especially considering that she must have picked up on my scared reaction, and probably realized I'm not interested. And that's if she wasn't just being friendly.

As for my friend, she initiates communication with me all the time, like to suggest a place to hang out at, or just to ask how my day is going. (Which, according to you, is a very good sign. ) My friend, however, is not the "star" of this thread. The music fan group was also hers, not mine; she just invited me. I only brought her up for comparison of my reaction, due to her age vs. the woman's.

Look, if a woman never initiates communication with you during life, never tries to reach you out in some way or another, then she's not interested.
Chit chat talks in trivia, bar, dancing nights don't count.

I would suspect the friend of yours to be the one who's interested.

Yes I get it she's not your thread's subject, but this is the one who's interested.

I suspect she's interested too, which makes sense, since I originally met her on Tinder, of all venues. Partially because she usually initiates communication. But also because she's far more affectionate with me than any female friend I had before. With them, it was just regular hugs at meeting and parting, as well as normal partner dancing. None of which constitute romantic interest on a woman's part; just respect, friendliness, and comfort.

This girl will randomly pull into me in a side-hug, grab my hand, press into me while we dance, and rub her hair against me while hugging me. Basically, little things that are incredibly cute and fun. She stopped me when I tried to escalate once, though. (She doesn't act this way with other guys or even her best female friend, while a lot of American women will easily even French-kiss their female friends.) Believe it nor not, I actually like this flirty friendship with her, and feel very hesitant to take it to the next level. The increased demands on my person will exceed any extra benefits I will get. Yes, those benefits, only I'm terrified of sex now, which nullifies the need for dating.

The uptight mainstream society has a word for this: "pseudo-girlfriend". (And conversely, "pseudo-boyfriend".) They hate it, thinking it's immature or whatever. Possibly because it reminds them of FWB's. Well, they can kiss my rear end.

Just a quick cultural note. In the US (maybe it's different in Lebanon/Middle East?), women will sometimes text for attention, especially with their male friends who they consider safe/nice. They will not usually attention-text with the men they find attractive. Which I why I took my friend's texting with a grain of salt, until I vetted her properly.