Men give no clues
Jacoby
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23 Apr 2017, 10:27 am
I probably freeze up regardless but definitely the people she was with is what was most concerning and why I thought she may of been on drugs because I am pretty sure they were users because they looked and acted like they were. They were a little bit older and weathered(dude had greased up black hands and a skateboard he was way too old to be riding and tried to get the liquor store dude to give him the broken mini fridge unit to I assume sell it and the other chick was walking a pitbull) and they were white while the girl in question was younger and probably Hispanic, looked out of place. Maybe I'm too prejudice I dunno, definitely too aloof and untrusting but there is good reason for that.
I can't read what 'clues' I give off any better than other people, I guess people read a lot into body language and eye contact so maybe I send signals or whatever maybe even subconsciously but I never follow things up or approach people. I'm part way a crazy paranoid person or maybe just observant but I thought I heard some of the girls in my class commenting on me recently that I 'look and smile but never say anything" but I don't know if they were even talking about me or if that's what they really even said since I don't trust my lying ears to begin with. I don't know what the context of that was either, the implication might of been that I was creepy or something. It made me think about how others perceive me and what signals or whatever I might be missing or giving off since, I'm not overweight at all or I think gross looking so conceivably some people could find me attractive but it's so hard to put myself on the same level with other people. I feel like most people would reject me if they knew my life, that I'd be inadequate in a social or life experience sense so I avoid that anticipated humiliation.
I'm pretty sure a couple gay dudes recently at school have tried to 'signal' that they were interested in me, they are a bit more forthcoming for sure but it's still not something I can interpret in real time.
In general, I am a person racked with self-doubt in almost all aspects of my life. It's hard for me to make any decision, I am pessimist so its hard for me not to assume to worst possible outcome.
23 Apr 2017, 10:34 am
In truth, if he asked me out I'd say yes.
I just don't want him thinking that I still fancy him if he really had no interest in me. I don't want to be a sad weirdo who pines after guys who don't like me. It's better to have his friends believe I'm strong and don't want him. I don't want to look pathetic.
Looks like you answered your own question here on my thread. Of course men won't give clues when you tell everybody that you don't like them.
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23 Apr 2017, 11:06 am
In truth, if he asked me out I'd say yes.
I just don't want him thinking that I still fancy him if he really had no interest in me. I don't want to be a sad weirdo who pines after guys who don't like me. It's better to have his friends believe I'm strong and don't want him. I don't want to look pathetic.
Looks like you answered your own question here on my thread. Of course men won't give clues when you tell everybody that you don't like them.
That was only one person, not all the men I've liked.
23 Apr 2017, 11:17 am
I relate very much to this. I don't push it because they probably don't really like me anyway.
People keep telling me I'll just know if a guy likes me, but even when I think I know, when the textbook signs are there, I still don't really know because of self doubt. "He can't really like me, this must be a cruel joke" and when I ask my friends they say that if he really does like me, I'll know.
But I don't know.
Maybe I do know what the clues are, I'm just clueless on how to progress it.
23 Apr 2017, 2:16 pm
I relate very much to this. I don't push it because they probably don't really like me anyway.
People keep telling me I'll just know if a guy likes me, but even when I think I know, when the textbook signs are there, I still don't really know because of self doubt. "He can't really like me, this must be a cruel joke" and when I ask my friends they say that if he really does like me, I'll know.
But I don't know.
Maybe I do know what the clues are, I'm just clueless on how to progress it.
I know this might sound odd, but perhaps its actually a self fulfilling cycle. Like, men actually are attracted to you, but maybe they misread your pessimism or self-doubt as a sign that you aren't really into them. Then you get depressed that no-one seems to like you, and the cycle continues on again. Of course, its also possible that I'm just totally misreading things here from a lack of information.
23 Apr 2017, 2:37 pm
I find this whole "I don't know if somebody likes me, but I like them" thing kind of dumb. If you like somebody, ask them out. If you get rejected, well then at least you know they aren't interested. I see these threads a lot and almost every time it is a person complaining that people won't approach them. Do it yourself, why do you even need clues when you can approach them and ask them out. This is like if you went fishing, threw a line out without any bait, and then got mad at the fish for not biting the hook.
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Jacoby
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23 Apr 2017, 3:06 pm
Perhaps being so young you have a more nurturing coddled upbringing but I was thrown to wolves and didn't go to any special schools or have any sort of help until I was in my 20s and that's even with being diagnosed when I was like 15. Young people like yourself also never lived in a world without social media which is a transition I haven't been able to make and people who literally grew up on it are just in a totally different reality to me. My personality evolved out of the environment I grew up in which were terrible public schools in the inner city of a hopeless poor rustbelt, having anxiety about being humiliated or made fun of or ostracized I think are rational when that's been your life experience. I wasn't born a pessimist, I became one.
You aren't actually Shia LeBouf right?
23 Apr 2017, 3:12 pm
There's no emotional or social consequences to literal fishing. Only psychopath or a sociopath doesn't care what the consequences are.
There's really nothing more pathetic than going after someone who clearly isn't interested especially if you have to keep seeing them again on a regular basis and then everyone knows what a stupid loser you are and talks about it and it dies down eventually, but then you don't get invited along to things because he'll be there and everyone knows you like him and it'll be awkward to ask you and you get dropped like a hot potato.
23 Apr 2017, 3:21 pm
I relate very much to this. I don't push it because they probably don't really like me anyway.
People keep telling me I'll just know if a guy likes me, but even when I think I know, when the textbook signs are there, I still don't really know because of self doubt. "He can't really like me, this must be a cruel joke" and when I ask my friends they say that if he really does like me, I'll know.
But I don't know.
Maybe I do know what the clues are, I'm just clueless on how to progress it.
I know this might sound odd, but perhaps its actually a self fulfilling cycle. Like, men actually are attracted to you, but maybe they misread your pessimism or self-doubt as a sign that you aren't really into them. Then you get depressed that no-one seems to like you, and the cycle continues on again. Of course, its also possible that I'm just totally misreading things here from a lack of information.
Quite possibly true. I don't know how to break it though.
23 Apr 2017, 4:50 pm
I relate very much to this. I don't push it because they probably don't really like me anyway.
People keep telling me I'll just know if a guy likes me, but even when I think I know, when the textbook signs are there, I still don't really know because of self doubt. "He can't really like me, this must be a cruel joke" and when I ask my friends they say that if he really does like me, I'll know.
But I don't know.
Maybe I do know what the clues are, I'm just clueless on how to progress it.
I know this might sound odd, but perhaps its actually a self fulfilling cycle. Like, men actually are attracted to you, but maybe they misread your pessimism or self-doubt as a sign that you aren't really into them. Then you get depressed that no-one seems to like you, and the cycle continues on again. Of course, its also possible that I'm just totally misreading things here from a lack of information.
Quite possibly true. I don't know how to break it though.
The obvious answer would be to become more optimistic and confident, but I know from experience that's easier said than done. One can't simply change their personality overnight, after all.
23 Apr 2017, 8:55 pm
You aren't actually Shia LeBouf right?
Woah, looks like we got an elitist here. First of all, don't assume stuff that you don;t know about me. I grew up in an incredibly low income family. Some days I would go without meals, I didn't even get a phone until I was 14 and it was an outdated one at that. I lived in Oakland, California, which is not a very nice city by any means. I was also bullied a lot, but I never let it get to me.
None of this has to do with what I said, however. You went off topic to rant about how bad your life is. What the f**k does having a hard life have to do with not being able to approach people?
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23 Apr 2017, 9:02 pm
There's no emotional or social consequences to literal fishing. Only psychopath or a sociopath doesn't care what the consequences are.
There's really nothing more pathetic than going after someone who clearly isn't interested especially if you have to keep seeing them again on a regular basis and then everyone knows what a stupid loser you are and talks about it and it dies down eventually, but then you don't get invited along to things because he'll be there and everyone knows you like him and it'll be awkward to ask you and you get dropped like a hot potato.
Of course you can be afraid of the outcome. Being rejected isn't fun at all, however, never approaching the person and staying lonely instead is worse. Now in your situation, if you already knew he wasn't interested, then just move on.
I don't feel like being scared of getting rejected is a reason to not approach someone, in your case, the guy was already uninterested so there was no need for you to approach him.
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Jacoby
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23 Apr 2017, 9:28 pm
You aren't actually Shia LeBouf right?
Woah, looks like we got an elitist here. First of all, don't assume stuff that you don;t know about me. I grew up in an incredibly low income family. Some days I would go without meals, I didn't even get a phone until I was 14 and it was an outdated one at that. I lived in Oakland, California, which is not a very nice city by any means. I was also bullied a lot, but I never let it get to me.
None of this has to do with what I said, however. You went off topic to rant about how bad your life is. What the f**k does having a hard life have to do with not being able to approach people?
I'm not sure you know what 'elitist' means, think of a better insult if that's what you're going for. Are you on the spectrum? If you don't understand the social deficit then I wonder about your diagnosis, that's kind of the central aspect of it isn't it?
"Just stop doing that" isn't good advice, that's just ignorance on your part. Do you understand mental illness? You think maybe having a hard life might have something to do with that?
Mean streets of Silicon Valley huh?
Richardf269
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Joined: 16 Dec 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 204
Location: Isla Vista, California
23 Apr 2017, 10:45 pm
Nowhere near California.
I'm just going to give up. I don't have the skills or emotional capacity for this dating/relationship stress.
I give up. Im going to take a break from Wrong Planet for a while. Talking about it doesn't help either.
I wish I could just die now. I'm just so sick of life. I can't participate.
