Women have to deal with "too nice" syndrom too

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I think the problem is that you all assume these guys are looking for relationships in the sense that you are. We tend to be more literal and serious about these things. They are looking to casually hang out and get laid. It's just more socially acceptable for them to have a girlfriend than randomly move from woman to woman so they call her a girlfriend for that reason. She actually is just "good enough for right now" or a "filler girlfriend" until the next better thing comes along. NT guys are very upfront about this with other guys and if you've been around them for any length of time, you'll hear them talk about it to each other. If you ask them point blank, they will admit it. When it comes to marriage, NT men typically do not marry because they are so bowled over by their love and sexual attraction for the woman, they do it because they think she is the best potential mate in that they can get along with her, like how she looks, probably like how she is in bed and think she'd be a good mom if they want kids. Some may even want her to mother them and if that's the case, they are looking for it. But unilaterally, confident NT men will not, no matter how attracted they are to that particular woman, actually settle down until they feel they have played the field as much as they can or feel they need to.

So when you all talk about relationships in terms of personality, etc., forget that when it comes to typical NT dating. Except in terms of whether they think a personality is socially acceptable to their friends and possibly their family, they could care less. If it's bad enough, they'll just keep her under wraps until they are done with her. You are assuming much about those relationships than is actually there.

Also, most NT guys if you really got them talking would tell you that typically not so attractive women are better in bed because they are willing to give more and try more. So they go after them and they will even be unfaithful to a much better looking woman to get them for just that reason. That is definitely not a case of them worrying about personality. I've seen them cheat on girlfriends and wives with much plainer looking women for years. That gives them the trophy and the good sex.

It's all a game and posturing, you just don't have the same rulebook as they do.

zannemarie, after that post of yours, im more than glad that i dont play their game.
i mean, to each his/her own, and it always takes two for these kind of things, regardless how shallow they are... but i am glad of my idea of pure, disneyesque love.

what still wonders me is that since women are said to be more able at the whole social thing, i guess they are able to look through the game thent guys are playing. now, how is the prospect of being used as either a mental or physical masturbatory aid anything to aspire to?

Those are exactly my thoughts on the subject! I'm a hopeless romantic, so I also want to believe that love is pure. Time and time again, though, I'm reminded that it's not. My eyes have been opened widely, simply by reading some of the posts by Aspie men on this board . I'm sure there must be some truly romantic men (not just the ones who pretend, so they can get laid), but they're few and far between. It's probably no coincidence that most of my favorite romantic novels are written by women (Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte). Sigh! No wonder we have to turn to fiction or fantasy to find a man who seems ideal. And, I'm not talking about the kind of romance where the man constantly has to prove his love (flowers, candy, jewelry). It's just that I want to believe in the idea that men are looking to fall in love for life, not just until something better comes along.

Yes, as a male I must say that it is true of most (but not all, I've seen exceptions) NT males. Though women also play games, those that compete to get the most sought-after male out of sheer vanity, the drama queens, etc.

The women don't get it at all because in typical NT fashion, NT women think that NT men think just like they do. That's another reason I find the theory of mind concept laughable. If that were actually true they wouldn't need books like Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus now would they? The women in these situation always and I do mean always think these guys actually care about them and/or love them. They will literally spend years in this delusion. It's beyond understanding.

You are better off not playing this game, but at least this will demystify what's going on with NTs for you.

Absolutely. The NT women are playing a different game, but it's still a game. If you ask them what they want, it will be two things...material worth and looks. They also could care less about personality or compatibility. It's amazing that any of their marriages last.

I have to laugh when they comment on my marriage. I know we are odd to them because for us it is all about compatibility (and attraction). We don't fit into any of their preconceived notions about what "should" work so they get upset and sometimes beligerent about it. It's mystifying.

yes - my ex-gf had a female friend whose 'boyfriend' just wanted her for sex and otherwise didn't care whether she lived or died. she did care about him, and interpreted his indifference in any way other than the obvious one. she told my ex-gf once about how she thought he hated her, she answered 'maybe he's just indifferent.' Not tactful, but perhaps it was better to say it. To be honest, I don't have much sympathy for this kind of women - they are refusing to see blatantly obvious evidence; being delusional has consequences.

It's widespread because they learn it from each other. Trust me, they do not like my opinions or my honesty. They would rather admit anything than that they are being used, but to be blunt, they are just as bad. It's a big NT dating game. That's why when I was being pushed into dating by roommates, I'd get up in five minutes and walk out. I had nothing in common with those guys and I was onto their game. I wasn't wasting my time. I always thought I'd be alone and I was fine with that. I was not fine with the idea of being someone's filler girlfriend or settled for wife. I don't understand the point of it. Do they really hate being alone that much?

Yes, they do. Remember that for most NTs not having a partner is the definition of failure, and not having friends is their definition of insanity.
In practice, I have little choice in the matter, but I'd rather be alone than in bad company.

Oh, no! Now I really feel bad. I was hoping it was the other way around. I don't like the idea of people thinking I'm insane, which is probably why I tend to call my acquaintances friends.

well, im not too fond of constant loneliness either. its like some kind of drive to completion - being an individuum is constantly being alone with oneself, and theres no way to change that. its rooted in the fact that there is such a thing as self that is undeniable different from the outside world. so, one could say that even nts are running on an autistic operating system.
someone i could accept as a being of likewise build than me would alleviate the feeling somewhat. it may seem subtle, but i think its a huge difference if someone makes you believe that he/she is an existing self the same way than you are.

kiki: im with you there in terms of proving love. if you can set the clock by the dates the guy comes home with flowers or the girl opens the door in underwear, its an empty gesture. its nothing compared to something like finding a small post-it with something nice written on it when you dont expect it.

zannemarie: well, that explains a lot. sad, sad world. *slumps into corner*

We are absurdly deep romantic WHEN YOUNG, but then, after being very badly threated by girls, we don't keep better than NTs

give me a break

Chalk one up for the guys who just wanna get laid.

No sympathy. ladies, you need to stop lying to us and most of all to yourselves, about what you really want.

There was a time when I actually believed this crap, and thought I was that kind of man, and I spent a lot of time wondering why woman weren't attracted to me.

Now that I act like an arrogant prick I do quite well, thanks

How did you define "romantic" back in the day before you were jaded and all? (beautifulspam)