Aspires and NT relationship issues

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" don't make thread and thread after thread after thread on here whining about how no-one wants you and you can't get a girlfriend"
You're mixing me with somebody else. I'm not a lesbian and I am not whining that nobody wants me. Where did you read that?

For me I live in a diverse world, NTs, ASs. For me discovering Asperger was a relief that I am not abnormal, I'm just simply different. Being different doesn't make you abnormal does it?
I stopped trying to fit in long time ago. People who like me they like me like this. People who try to change me, well none of my business.
I do my best to accept other people as long as they clearly communicate what's their problem is. Then I can help it.

"they have to accept that they'll never have relationships, they'll always lose the friends they have."
This is plain BS.

And by the way if I have disablity, why am I the one who needs to accomodate other people? Would you expect people in wheelchair to I dunno get up on stairs without help in order to fit in?


they are normal, it's an NT world, we're abnormal so if we want to fit in with that world it means doing seemingly abnormal things.

If I can interject here . . . .. the trouble is we are looking at this in too black and white fashion. It is not either or . . . .there will never be absolute.

So I accept my friends differences. I accept who he is . . . .HOWEVER I can not change the human being I am too. So although I don't act on my feelings they are still there.

I am explaining one scenario but it is just an example. The fact is that my friend does not see, feel or think about doing the things I would "normally " expect. I accept that. My emotions however still respond because I am NT so I am being absolutely honest when I say I experience disappointment, doubt and a little hurt. I won't act on those feeling. I understand my friend himself would be upset if he knew I felt that way . . . .but non the less my feeling are there.

In the same way an Aspie cannot just suddenly change and learn and understand social interactions and intricacies of emotions, an NT is unable to switch them off.

Don't b***h at us for being who we are (please ) as long as we are trying to understand, empathise and accept you.

The big thing difference about NTs and people with AS is that NTs have various requirements for the relationship to grow\continue, there is a method to maintaining relationships and that's something that we lack understanding of. To me a friendship is someone I can talk to if we meet and if they want to phone me up to go play pool, or see a band or a movie I'll happily go along. However NTs need more than that. To give a simple explicit example, the phone call "just for a chat". These are things that NTs do, they enjoy it and it strengthens social bonds. That's just how people are. The big reason AS people fail to keep relationships (both friendship and romantic) is that we don't get that and we don't really need it ourselves. So in an NT\AS relationship there is a high chance the NT is not getting what they need from the relationship, something they *can* get elsewhere. (Chichikov)

^^^^^^ this is good

And if we do use the disability and wheelchair analogy . . .. if you spoke to a physically disabled person they would tell you how difficult it is also for them to function I. This one sided world. It's not fair but unfortunately this world is set up for one type of person . . .. . We all have to fight that together. I try to accept every human as a person not by definitions set up by our culture and society . . .. . . .however my neutrons are set to fire emotions left right and centre. So I will always have my feelings when in a close relationship with someone. . . .. . .

I'm under an impression that we don't exactly talk about the same thing. I mean, we start from different points. And I see a gender bias in this.
Maybe it is because of the "male" and "female" asperger traits.
Guys say you need to adapt because lack of this is one of the biggest issues in "traditional", "male-type" AS.
Girls say you need to be yourself because the "female-type" AS is all about masking and pretending to the point of losing (or not developing) self-identity. The starting point is being adapted but in denial of self.
So we just point to our personal defficits.

Magz . . .. . I have told my friend in the past and more recently . . .. he really tried but then it sort of slips away. Like now I have nt heard from him since Monday. To me it's strange I can see him on Facebook commenting and chatting with friends of mine but to me nothing. . .. . .but it's just the way he is I guess.

Singleaspiedad . .

I have been thinking about you a lot today and your situation and concerns about your late wife's family.

I believe they genuinely care for you. If somebody came into my life who loved one of my siblings and together made a beautiful child. Who proved his love for these people I care for, and was unselfish enough to let me be part of the life of the beautiful child. .. . I would genuinely love you. If after my sibling died you were willing to keep me involved in your life and that of the child I would feel very humble and grateful.

I think it is possible your wife's family don't always understand you and probably they worry about you. Especially as your autism probably means you don't express or share your emotions in a way they can readily understand . . .. but I would be certain they genuinely care for you . . .the counselling course will be their way of trying to show how important you are to them and to how much they care about your wellbeing.

If they would have felt this way about you if you hadn't married their sister/daughter or produced your son is an irrelevant question really. You did, and the way you have lived your life and responded to circumstances has made them become genuinely fond of them. People come into our lives through different routes. People we may not have otherwise interacted with. How we meet does not define the strength of emotion.

Do they think you are ungrateful. That depends on their level of true understanding of the way you function. If they fully understand you they won't think that. However they seem to be making huge efforts to keep you in Their lives and that is I believe due to a genuine care and fondness for you


I hope this makes some sense and helps a littler