Emotional Support

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05 Dec 2017, 10:04 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:

elkclan wrote:

Sly - why do people want a confident partner? Because it's a LOT of emotional work supporting someone who isn't confident. It's emotionally exhausting. It's daily, hourly bolstering up and contradicting statements like "I'm worthless", "I'm ugly" or "I'm unloveable" which are basically throwing whatever statements and feelings of appreciation and validation they've recently given you back in their face. It wears you down after a while.

Well said. I remember with my first GF, it felt good being able to give a 'pep' talk. After all I wasn't the most confident person either. In time, it was literally every day (sometimes twice or more a day even) where I had to deal with these issues. It was absolutely, completely exhausting having to hear about how she couldn't find a job for example yet would not take my advice and actually apply for more than one!

My girlfriend needs alot of emotional support cuz of depression & anxiety along with lots of other physical & mental issues. She says things about how she's unlovable or worthless or ugly because of her issues & how society has no use for people like her. I felt like that when I was depressed too & still kind of feel like that sometimes cuz I'm disabled myself but my girlfriend does her best to make me feel better. It does get pretty tiring for me sometimes trying to encourage her & make her feel better but I really do love her & want her to feel better. I've been through a bad depression in my early 20s & know how difficult it can be to deal with stuff when you don't have the rite support online or offline. I learned & grew alot from the experience & I want to use it to help my girlfriend if/when I can. Shortly after we moved in together I got her to start seeing a doc & she started seeing a counselor & a psychiatrist after awhile. I pushed her to get help NOT because she's difficult for me to deal with sometimes(which she can be) but because I really care about her.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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05 Dec 2017, 11:13 pm

I don't think it's fair for her to get mad at you for talking about your depression. Are you getting help for yourself? If you are doing what you can to cope with your issues then she should be supportive of that and not discourage you from talking about your feelings. That doesn't sound like the basis for a healthy relationship to me. Sometimes we need to lean on each other, and you should feel safe to do that with your partner. If you don't feel like it's safe to share your feelings with her, I think it means you're not with the right person for you.

It's possible it could get better with couple's therapy, but I think you might be too incompatible. I could be wrong, though. It's hard to say without personally knowing you both.

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06 Dec 2017, 12:48 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

Are you getting help for yourself?

I'm seeing a psychologist but I still need to talk to other people. One hour per two weeks isn't enough. I can't just pretend to be happy for the other 335 hours per fortnight. It's exhausting.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

but I think you might be too incompatible.

I fear you might be right. There's a strong possibility that her and I are just not compatible.

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karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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06 Dec 2017, 12:55 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

Are you getting help for yourself?

I'm seeing a psychologist but I still need to talk to other people. One hour per two weeks isn't enough. I can't just pretend to be happy for the other 335 hours per fortnight. It's exhausting.

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

but I think you might be too incompatible.

I fear you might be right. There's a strong possibility that her and I are just not compatible.

It sounds like you are doing your part to take care of yourself, and it is completely reasonable to expect to be able to talk to your significant other about your feelings and lean on them occasionally when you are feeling low. If she doesn't think that is reasonable, then she probably isn't right for you.

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06 Dec 2017, 12:59 am

And how’d you feel if your bf wanted to talk to you about him being sad or his anxiety?
Would it make him seem unconfident to you and less attractive?

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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06 Dec 2017, 1:03 am

sly279 wrote:

And how’d you feel if your bf wanted to talk to you about him being sad or his anxiety?
Would it make him seem unconfident to you and less attractive?

If this is a question for me, the last time I tried to talk to you you freaked out and called me a troll so I think I probably shouldn't answer this because no matter what I say I don't think you will believe me and will just get upset again.

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06 Dec 2017, 1:07 am

ZachGoodwin wrote:

I bet the moment you become those things you'd still have a zero chance of getting a girlfriend.

I'm not sure if this statement was directed at me or at sly279, but it took embracing the Red Pill for me to understand why it's bad to be liked for the wrong reasons. Namely, I want a woman to like me because she thinks I'm sexy and cool (alpha traits), not because I can provide for her (beta trait). Because in the latter case, she'll stop liking me the minute I stop providing. While in the former, "sexy and cool" is who I am (in her eyes, at least), which means these traits won't go anywhere, and neither will she.

Sly279, I know you said you want a woman to give you a chance. But honestly, relationships are a hard, burdensome job that never ends. And what you'll put into it will be far greater than what you'll get in return. In fact, after I finally realized just how much a relationship will require from me, I became disgusted by the notion of having sex. (I can still enjoy pornography.) So be careful what you wish for. I don't speak from the ivory tower of someone who has a girlfriend; I haven't had one in years. And I'm glad.

Last edited by Aspie1 on 06 Dec 2017, 1:24 am, edited 3 times in total.

RetroGamer87
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06 Dec 2017, 1:12 am

Of course I wasn't planning to rely exclusively on her for emotional support. When I'm down I talk to friends, family, etc. I find it's helpful to talk to a broad range of people because different people have different ideas. Of course I would want this broad range of people to include my partner.

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06 Dec 2017, 1:31 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

sly279 wrote:

And how’d you feel if your bf wanted to talk to you about him being sad or his anxiety?
Would it make him seem unconfident to you and less attractive?

I’m giving you benefit of doubt I think is how it’s said.
Your names very similar to karatrains........

I just see all these women say to us to be emotional but we aren’t their boyfriend they don’t have to be in a relationship with us,
I had a friend who was fine with me sharing my emotions as a friend but said it made me uncnfident, when we tried to date.

I find it hard to believe most women here would want their men to follow their advice they give to us. That if your men shared their struggles and sadness thst you’d still find them confident and attractive.

I won’t share my emotions with a gf. Doesn’t seem that’s what gfs and wives are for from mine and many other men’s experiences.

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06 Dec 2017, 1:43 am

Aspie1 wrote:

Sly279, that's Blue Pill talk! You should know better. If Red Pill taught me anything, it's that women care about one thing and one thing only: attraction. And have you seen what kind of men attract the most women? Violent thugs. Gangsters. Unemployed bums. Do they have "good jobs to provide for a woman"?

Unemployed bums? Maybe you're thinking of hipsters? I've never seen homeless guys with women.

RetroGamer87
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06 Dec 2017, 1:47 am

sly279 wrote:

I won’t share my emotions with a gf. Doesn’t seem that’s what gfs and wives are for from mine and many other men’s experiences.

So what are gfs and wives for Sly?

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The_Face_of_Boo
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06 Dec 2017, 2:07 am

314pe wrote:

Aspie1 wrote:

Unemployed bums? Maybe you're thinking of hipsters? I've never seen homeless guys with women.

I've never seen that too myself - as for Gangsters, gangsters can be rich, think of drug lords and their minions.

sly279
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06 Dec 2017, 2:20 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

I won’t share my emotions with a gf. Doesn’t seem that’s what gfs and wives are for from mine and many other men’s experiences.

So what are gfs and wives for Sly?

I dont know anymore besides I guess physically inamacy and someone to go to social events with

karathraceandherspecialdestiny
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06 Dec 2017, 2:23 am

sly279 wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

sly279 wrote:

And how’d you feel if your bf wanted to talk to you about him being sad or his anxiety?
Would it make him seem unconfident to you and less attractive?

I find it hard to believe most women here would want their men to follow their advice they give to us.

Like I said, no matter what I say you won't believe me. So probably better if we don't talk, I can't help you.

sly279
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06 Dec 2017, 2:25 am

314pe wrote:

Aspie1 wrote:

Unemployed bums? Maybe you're thinking of hipsters? I've never seen homeless guys with women.

My uncle was purposely homeless and he never didn’t have a gf. She moved into to his yut the city provided him at homeless village.

My friend was also homeless and unemployed and so lived off me and in my room he had a gf they’d sleep in a tent in our front yard when she stayed over.

Both of them are emotional abusive and maybe physically abuse I’ve as****les.
Why do they get women left and right?

sly279
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06 Dec 2017, 2:26 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

sly279 wrote:

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:

sly279 wrote:

And how’d you feel if your bf wanted to talk to you about him being sad or his anxiety?
Would it make him seem unconfident to you and less attractive?

I find it hard to believe most women here would want their men to follow their advice they give to us.

Like I said, no matter what I say you won't believe me. So probably better if we don't talk, I can't help you.

Well I tried. I’m not the horrible person you think I am.

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