Guys Paying on a Date

Post Reply New Topic

Our relationship was complicated back then.

She was dating one of my fraternity brothers while I was engaged to someone else. So I’d seen her around but never really considered her as a possibility or even seen myself as well n her league or her type. She and my fiancée became close friends, so we’d all hang out in the cafeteria after class. She was even supposed to be one of the bridesmaids.

I broke up with the fiancée and started dating this other girl over the summer. Things didn’t work out. Meanwhile, the bridesmaid broke up with my frat brother. The punk won’t leave her alone, so they end up back together. My girl dumps me, I’m feeling rotten, so I end up going on the prowl.

I end up getting to know the bridesmaid and another girl because we all have bad relationships in common. The other girl was ready to dump her bf and was cheating with me. We never had sex, but it was going in that direction. The bf was relieved when she came clean and broke up because he was scared of me (long story, but I had no beef with the guy). Before that, I’d talked with her about what was going on and that it was best we stop before things got REALLY bad.

The situation with Bridesmaid continued to deteriorate. She really did want to get away from bf. She just didn’t know how. We were really just enjoying the sex a little too much and avoiding getting caught. We honestly were not considering dating at that point. One night we were hanging out in the open. Not doing anything, just talking. He starts calling her every 5 minutes or less before he starts running around campus looking for her. This all happened after he flunked out of school and got booted from the frat. He finds us, which, hey, we’re not exactly hiding. Then he brings out all her stuff from his apartment and throws it at us. And then he threatens to kill me.

I won’t get into any more detail after that. Let’s just say he spent a night in jail and I ran off with his girl.

...

It’s complicated, like I said. People don’t go out with anyone unless that person has something to offer. In our case, I broke her out of the prison of the abusive relationship she was in, rallied her closest friends to make sure he stayed away, went with her to the police station when she reported him, and sat with her parents in the courtroom so we could all witness him make a fool of himself in front of the judge. The experience for her was BAD to say the least. Afterwards I had to sit with her through the panic attacks and the PTSD, calm her down after the nightmares, and all that kind of thing thing. We were on/off for some 6 years before she said I either have to marry her and give her babies or move on.

No, it’s not about dinners and gifts with us so much as it was spending time together and fighting common enemies. But we DID have that much. And of course I did take her out to dinner, movies, and things like that. Which was my whole point to start with. People won’t hang out with you or form relationships if there’s nothing in it for them. Gifts, entertainment, and meals are the easiest and most obvious ways to do that. Never punish people for being nice.

Try living it sometime.

We mostly float above all the drama surrounding us these days. What happens from time to time is people take their own problems and try to make them our problems. Our church did a Christmas presentation yesterday. The choir director had a meltdown on Wednesday. Tech issues persisted Thursday. I found a sure fire fix for those and any others that might crop up before final rehearsal on Friday, but he almost lost his stuff on me because I wanted one tiny little change “late in the game.” And then he was pissed because I was right. But it got results.

I’m probably about to be out of a job over that, but I think the results speak for themselves.

On the positive side, at least having drama to sort out shows that you are doing SOMETHING. Why didn’t I just abandon my future wife to that worthless piece of trash who was controlling her? Everyone else was telling me to stay out of it and mind my own business. Part of it was I’d been long convinced I myself was a worthless piece of trash. I could handle getting killed if it meant a good, deserving person could be free to live her life. Maybe I had a death wish. But it got results. Three kids later and I’m still reaping the benefits.

I wonder how your ex-fiance felt about you breaking up with her and then dating her friend that was going to be her bridesmaid before you broke it off.

[It never stops, either. No matter how old you get, no matter how hard you work to rise above it, people keep trying to drag you right back in. One of my coworkers texted me today apologizing for not inviting me to the staff Christmas party tonight, but I was still welcome to go. They know good and well there was no way I could find a babysitter on less than 5 hours’ notice. We typically need a full WEEK notice to get someone in this town. They’re purposefully isolating me. Not the first time this kind of thing has happened, won’t be the last time. I can handle it if they don’t want me around. It’s the middle-school style games they play that annoy me. What, am I supposed to cry and scream about it? Why bother trying so hard to save face over it? Message received. You don’t want me. Now may I please get back to work? I’m giving a concert tomorrow night and have two little community service gigs next week. I don’t have time for this...

Ugh... People...

It seems this is how everyone under 35 communicates today and it drives me absolutely bonkers.

I don't mind someone who is like that per se, but it DID drive me crazy when I was dating someone who literally took hours to respond. I invited her to hang out one day around lunch and she didn't reply until 7pm that evening, so I was left in the dark and didn't make any other plans. I politely questioned her if that was the best way to communicate and she said yes and she just doesn't check her phone regularly. After we broke up I noticed she, like most women carries it all the time and checks it every 10-15 minutes.

If she wasn't interested, I wish she would have just said so like a grown up. Ditto to how my brother takes hours to respond to me but when his (leech) friend texts him, he literally stops and immediately replies. It's hard NOT to take that personally. I wonder how people like we described are able to hold down full time job with how supposedly disorganized they are.

I don't mind someone who is like that per se, but it DID drive me crazy when I was dating someone who literally took hours to respond. I invited her to hang out one day around lunch and she didn't reply until 7pm that evening, so I was left in the dark and didn't make any other plans. I politely questioned her if that was the best way to communicate and she said yes and she just doesn't check her phone regularly. After we broke up I noticed she, like most women carries it all the time and checks it every 10-15 minutes.

If she wasn't interested, I wish she would have just said so like a grown up. Ditto to how my brother takes hours to respond to me but when his (leech) friend texts him, he literally stops and immediately replies. It's hard NOT to take that personally. I wonder how people like we described are able to hold down full time job with how supposedly disorganized they are.

Most people are flakes it seems. I’ll wait all day(wasted day) to hear back from someone just to be told nope. Well if they told me hours ago I could done stuff Instead of waiting all day for them when they weren’t coming.

Nts fake liking or wanting people around while they really don’t like or want that person around. Being nt is all a big show. It’s all about how they look to others.

Most people are flakes it seems. I’ll wait all day(wasted day) to hear back from someone just to be told nope. Well if they told me hours ago I could done stuff Instead of waiting all day for them when they weren’t coming.

Nts fake liking or wanting people around while they really don’t like or want that person around. Being nt is all a big show. It’s all about how they look to others.

Here's the part you're maybe not grasping:

If you KNOW they're someone who checks their phone often and they're not clinically depressed and don't have some other reason not to respond in a timely manner, then no response IS their response. It may be a cowardly one, but not timely reply about lunch IS their answer: They do not want to go for lunch with you, or they would have responded and said yes.

No sense in just sitting around all day waiting for a response when their lack of response IS how they're communicating a "No thanks."

Next time just decide to start doing something that you can easily stop doing if your friend does contact you back and still wants to meet. As long as whatever you decide to do can easily be interrupted, at least you'll be plugging away at something vs. just sitting around waiting.

Next time just decide to start doing something that you can easily stop doing if your friend does contact you back and still wants to meet. As long as whatever you decide to do can easily be interrupted, at least you'll be plugging away at something vs. just sitting around waiting.

I’m with GHF. Why can’t they just let you know? But sadly that’s just the way they are. I call it “code” language. They ARE telling you. You just have to learn the code or “subtext.” It’s frustrating, I know, but that’s just the way it is.