Will my romantic life improve?

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Spiderpig
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10 Mar 2018, 7:16 am

I said it in the first part of that sentence: if my experience means anything. I started pondering the same about fourteen years ago, when I was younger than the age you show up as in your posts. I had no romantic life at all at that time, nor the faintest idea what might even lead me to have one ever, and the same is true today. I’ve only learned I should have held my breath less and done a lot more, just never expecting it to earn me anything in the way of romantic relationships or sex.


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10 Mar 2018, 7:34 am

Spiderpig wrote:
I said it in the first part of that sentence: if my experience means anything. I started pondering the same about fourteen years ago, when I was younger than the age you show up as in your posts. I had no romantic life at all at that time, nor the faintest idea what might even lead me to have one ever, and the same is true today. I’ve only learned I should have held my breath less and done a lot more, just never expecting it to earn me anything in the way of romantic relationships or sex.



Why are some other people so much more successful in romantic relationships?



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10 Mar 2018, 7:45 am

It's definitely not your height
I'm 5"9 and the guy I like is like 5"7.5. I actually forget he's shorter than me

You don't want women throwing themselves at you anyway, you want them to like you for who you are. Because a woman using you just for sex is not fun


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Spiderpig
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10 Mar 2018, 7:51 am

Maybe it’s not fun as a woman to be already used to attracting men just for sex, when you can afford to take your sexual attractiveness for granted and it doesn’t mean much to you. To me, being used by a woman “just for sex” would be an enormous validation, because I’ve never seen any evidence at all that anyone has ever found me attractive. Of course, this would have made a bit more sense when I was young; at my current age, and not being wealthy or having any other accomplishments to show off, it looks pretty ridiculous.


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saraip
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10 Mar 2018, 7:52 am

Jamesy wrote:
As an aspie guy when i go out too social occasions/bars even girls i know well from my school days never throw themselves at me the way they do other guys. I was good looking 4 years ago but sadly had my face a bit messed up doing boxing.

I am 5ft7 inches tall and weigh 154-160 pounds. So i guess a lot of women will not find me tall enough. I am 28 never had a girlfriend or had sex either.


Do you think my current situation will never improve? I am unemployed for mental health reasons.

As a woman (I am 35), I have to ask, do you approach women? You make it sound like the first step is girls throwing themselves at guys but that's not the only formula. Besides, given that you are somewhat focused on appearance (based on your comment about being good looking 4 years ago purely), are you also expecting women of your former perceived hotness to be hitting on you or are you open to dating someone less than perfectly attractive?

The real answer of course is that like anything else, to be good at dating, you have to practice. You have to make the effort to find out what girls like (talk to them casually, explain your situation and ask them outright - who better to get advice from than someone you would potentially date?), understand what they are looking for, and treat them with respect. Is it going to improve? That's up to you :) Sure, of course being an Aspie comes with challenges, but it also comes with some awesome benefits that you could use to talk yourself up as the model boyfriend.

Also bear in mind, having female friends whom you can talk to about setting you up with someone they know is a valuable thing...



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10 Mar 2018, 8:37 am

Loner269 wrote:
Well 'use' may be wrong word as she might still enjoy it and me maybe a bit too, especially if her personality is really good (seems good from messaging so far). I just really need some experience with women and so I really have to take what I can get for now. I know Sly would not miss this opportunity at the very least...
A couple of points I'll make from experience:

1.) You may think she's too fat for you, but if you spend a bit of time with her you might change your mind. Especially if she turns out to be a good kisser. On at least one occasion I became quite enamored of a young lady who seemed too chubby for me when I first met her, but she was able to get me to change my mind.
2.) It's probably true that everybody, both male and female, wants to be in a serious long-term relationship, but that doesn't necessarily mean they would reject the opportunity for enjoyable sex in the meantime. Wanting sex for its own sake doesn't make anyone a bad person.
3.) Regarding 2.) you do need some honesty. Before becoming physically intimate with somebody, you should have some sort of mutual understanding that it's not tantamount to proposing marriage. This shouldn't be so difficult, except it can be hard to speak your mind in that situation, for fear the words will come out wrong and ruin the moment.
4.) There's also nothing wrong with wanting some experience with women. Women are more comfortable with men who have some experience, but then they have to acknowledge that an experienced man by definition has been in previous relationships that eventually ended.
5.) Sex doesn't necessarily mean having intercourse and losing one's virginity in the formal sense. Anything involving nakedness, intimate physical contact, and sexual arousal should be good enough, at least at first. It would be advisable to make clear that something "less" than actual intercourse is perfectly good for you, if it comes to that.
6.) There's no reason a casual relationship entered into by two people seeking sexual gratification can't go on to become something more serious, but for that to happen then the casual phase must be allowed to happen first.


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Jamesy
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10 Mar 2018, 9:01 am

I used too weigh 140-146 pounds 4 years ago but now i weigh currently 158 pounds.

Could my weight gain be making me less attractive?



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10 Mar 2018, 9:33 am

Probably. Better cut it off already, before it gets worse. Take your diet and exercise seriously, but don’t expect it to make women interested in you—do it for your own health. A lot of things will depend on it.


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Jamesy
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10 Mar 2018, 9:41 am

Spiderpig wrote:
Probably. Better cut it off already, before it gets worse. Take your diet and exercise seriously, but don’t expect it to make women interested in you—do it for your own health. A lot of things will depend on it.


Is 158 that bad for 5ft7 though?



The Grand Inquisitor
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12 Mar 2018, 10:09 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Why are some other people so much more successful in romantic relationships?

Because they're seen as more desirable and/or are better socially



314pe
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13 Mar 2018, 6:05 am

Jamesy wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
If my experience means anything, no, your romantic life won't improve. Better make the most of other areas of your life and not hold your breath.

Why dont you think it will improve?

It will not improve by itself. Only you can improve it.



Jamesy
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14 Mar 2018, 9:08 pm

I had more oppurtunities 4 years ago now there is fewer oppurtunities.

Feeling sorry for myself and looking back on the past isnt going too achieve anything though.



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14 Mar 2018, 11:32 pm

Jamesy wrote:
Feeling sorry for myself and looking back on the past isnt going too achieve anything though.

:thumleft:



CockneyRebel
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15 Mar 2018, 11:59 am

I think your romantic life will improve. There are many things that you can do. Look through fashion magazines and choose a look that you like. Practice using the right lines and the right moves.


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