Late 20's to 30's: dating & romance

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There are dinner parties, and there are dinner parties.

First, you have dinner parties that can't really be called that. They're more like get-togethers if it's winter, and cookouts/barbecues it's summer. People sit down and eat the food. Once the plates are empty and beer is sloshing in the collective brain, everyone breaks into activities. Sometimes it's Cards Against Humanity, other times it's board games, and other times still it's watching a movie or two. Quiet upbeat music plays in the background. We all laugh uproariously at the outlandish moments in the games. At the end, people come away happier than they came in.

Then, you have the kind of dinner parties I attended as an odd-numbered wheel. I wanted to poke my eyes and ears out! At one point, I got so fed up with the whole scene, that I started miming a noose gesture: pumping my fist up and down behind my neck. The couples were all putting on a dog-and-pony show for each other, by talking up a storm about how much they love their spouse. For hours! That's it! No games. No substantial conversations. Not even about NT topics, like sports or pop culture. At the end, I stopped at a liquor store on the way home, to buy a bottle of vodka, and chugged it before falling into an uneasy, restless sleep.

After one party like that, my patience had run out. I swore on my soul to never allow a woman to come within 10 feet of me, except strictly as a platonic friend or a formal dance partner. I was 33 at the time.

I am still looking at this way of how females pick males. Looks quite biased and flawed. So what about guys who aren't good looking? Extraverted or Introverted? Shy? A nerd or similar stereotypes? I am seeing the way how my friends pick is based on physical looks and social status rather than personality and the type of the person.

This seems proven that discrimination is true. Like 'he got a disability', presuming he won't be good at sex hence make things awkward. That is kind of prejudice. I am not going to say women should not have a choice but they must learn respecting males who aren't the types would think they dominate the society. Like alpha males, macho, party animals, high social class and that etc.

I find this is rather offensive. I can't become like other guys said as listed. I am being me, being myself by who I am. I am not changing myself. I choose to protect myself, my identity and my passions. I am not going to be like those typical teenagers or young adults trying to stereotype themselves becoming like others. Getting tattoos, drinking alcohol, piercing, pick up lines and pretending. This seems rather illogical and damaging to society reputation against humanity.

If I am asking myself to be attractive. How it can be? How I make myself attractive to 'get women to accept to have sex with me?'. Its impossible, because it the way who I am, as being myself who I am. I can't be that guy who have good looks, forcing myself taking Botox or some kind of surgery to get my looks better. Am I am stupid to take this approach? Is it what women want?

Being an Aspie for who I am by being intelligent, logical, honest, direct, straightforward and organised is bad thing? No, it makes me happy because it who I am as I accepting myself. It makes me to achieve things. Imagine if I am a NT. I wouldn't be like this successful at all. I have heard stories of Aspie guys getting dates and marriage. That is pure luck because it depends on their demographics where they live by taking time and place to make it possible. Where I live its a city of 2.3million. It full of diversity from all walks of life. I have been attending so many social events because of my passions. I am running a social enterprise business because its my passion and experience. I have met thousands and thousands of women. Pretty funny business the majority of Aspie women here are taken and in relationships. Never seen a single one in sight. The NTs ones I couldn't pick them because majority of them are extroverted, cocky, party animals and things makes me uncomfortable and overwhelming. Their lifestyles is like narcissistic, high social status and expecting someone to be good for them.

So I am stuck between being friends forever, the bad luck dating pool and being left out. This is obvious in comparison seeing on other forums, Reddit, Quora and related websites on topics of someone who are being single, never had date nor sex in their late 20's and into 30's. They are mostly NTs, and their experiences are different to mine, which their are majority similar to other NTs. They are socially anxious, insecure, have depression issues and live in religious households. I don't have similar challenges as them. Only I come across a same is to Aspie males like seen on WP forums.

So is it prejudice from females against Aspie males? Or Aspie males' personality and behaviour reflects as too negative and whingers? I find this a double standard to NTs who whinge a lot about being a virgin or dateless they still ended up having sex. How so? It because they don't have barriers in communication and reading social cues unlike us Aspies are living in different perspective.

See my point? Whose at fault here? Our disabilities? Or the way how society falls into technological and societal flaws and bias?

*yawn*

Same here.


Sounds to me like low quality GF material, lots of red flags for (quite a bit more than normal level of)insecurity, control issues, etc. Stuff like kids, activities, etc are supposed to be decision of both people in the relationship. Respect is supposed to be a 2 way street. My advice in this kind of situation is to leave asap. If a basic level of consideration and fair treatment as an equal participant in the relationship is too much to ask then I have no reason to stay there. It is like conversation with a brick wall, there is nothing to be gained in continuing.

What I keep in mind is that I can't save everyone and there's going to be those situations where there's absolutely nothing to be gained by staying. It's really important to recognize a lost cause situation and be able to leave it as soon as possible.

Sarcasm or biased responses with an attitude won't help. I get this a lot from NTs. It some sense of denial. I don't like this attitude. I am very literal on what I have said. Psychologists saying same thing too. "Find the right people". "Be patient"......etc etc. That doesn't answer my question. So why focus on me getting negative rather than NTs being negative? Like they judge our quirks and behaviour like many Aspies on WP complain how they were being mistreated. Its exactly same point.

Likewise. Aspie1 said exactly same attitude to those people I met from uni who kept saying to me "forget about getting love, let find a girl from a bar to f&%$ her". This kind of attitude is such macho, bigotry and alpha violent kind. I do not represent violent and forceful males. Like guys pressuring to lose their virginity during high school due to social status. This makes women feel speechless or voiceless about their comfort and security.

I am very against paid sex workers industry. It not a relief of sexual frustration due to spoil on paying someone to do it with you since no one will do it for you for free. This is rather bigotry and biased judgement based on economics. I understand there lot stigma around sex workers due to their safety issues but our politics is stupid. I believe this drive people crazy, then becoming stupid too.

I used to be desperate young guy wanting sex like many others in teens and early 20's but the roadblocks is my anxiety and depression from being bullied, traumatised and stigmatised for who I am being disabled stopping me from having same chances as other guys. This is problematic. No wonder why mental health is growing killer across the world, probably more in Western countries.

Okay, so my nonverbal *yawn* failed to convey my point (not really much of a surprise there). Here is what my *yawn* meant: get outside of your own head. You have overthought this to the point that nobody really wants to hear everything you have to say, and I'm virtually certain that your attempts to socialize (in a flirting scenario) suffer from the same problem. Interact more and think less. Listen to what other people have to say. Don't take your own philosophy and ethics as the only valid point of view. Get a little bit flexible. Try it, it works!

You wrote several sentences that have no point at all, besides "don't think", which isn't a very helpful point..

Eco has a point, which is, women are simply not attracted to intelligence, which is a true point, they just aren't.
Anyone who says otherwise is clearly an idiot. I've observed this all my life, and it even applies to my fellow female students here at med school. They are not lusting after the most intelligent males at the top of the classes or stephen hawking, they lust after the males with dominant personalities. Even emma watson who held grandiose speeches about men needing to open up and be emotional creatures, is now in a relationship with a rugby captain. Go figure.

This why, when I want to get laid, I engineer my personality in such a way that women are attracted to me. It's something I've practiced since I was a teenager and it works. I've never gotten laid being completely true to myself, I have to act more dominant, cocky and careless than I actually am. It takes alot of practise to be convincing though, as women are actually very effecient at looking through facades, but lifting weights help solidify this illusion.

Just look at teen female fandoms (teenagers reflect the truest instincts in my opinion) : Harry Potter was never lusted as much as that Twilight vampire guy. Not even close, his character never became a sex symobol.

As much as I have distaste for these concepts, and don't believe that it works on everyone, there's no denying that getting strong, wealthy, and having a dominant, confrontational personality works on enough women that it's worthwhile for somebody like myself, who currently no women find attractive whatsoever, to strive towards.

Certainly, the longer I spend on this forum the more persuasive this line of reasoning seems.

It’s self sufficient. Men who can’t look after themselves aren’t very attractive, unless the woman is one of those women who like to wear the pants and be in control of everything. It’s different if you’re a student training for a self sufficient life.

Better income usually implies a more capable person, which is an attractive trait.

If it’s just about money, gifts or material goods alone, the person is a gold digger.

I'm a woman, and I'm highly attracted to intelligence. But I'm not attracted to someone who engineers his personality to get laid.

Duh.. Nobody is attracted to that obviously. We all do it to a certain extent though, depending on the social context.
I just do it more if I'm talking to women and trying to get laid.

If I talk philosophy, biology or medicine, women get bored and won't sleep with me, because it doesn't tickle their lady parts. Hence I act like a cocky jerk because it works.

You would have no idea that he's engineering it, unless you end up living with him.

Question: What do you fantasize about when you masturbate? Do you think of a naked professor explaining quantum physics in a class?
"Oooh ahhh .....this white coat on his naked body oooohhh , those formulas he writes on the board....so hot...ohhh yesss"

The answer of this question will determine to what you are attracted most.

Well obviously you are lying, as NO WOMEN ANYWHERE EVER are attracted to intelligence. Why do you have to lie about what you're attracted to?

I think part of the disagreement (not all of it) about what women are or are not attracted to is due to talking about different kinds of attraction. Boo and some other guys seem to be talking exclusively about sexual attraction and only the part of it that determines who you have a one-night-stand with if you're into that sort of thing. A lot of women (likely most), talk about what they're attracted to more generally in a partner and don't primarily think of one-night-stands with strangers which is something they may or may not be interested in.

As for intelligence being attractive or not. If it's a stranger and an one-night-stand a woman will have a vague idea about the man's level of intelligence at best and if he doesn't have a severe enough lack of intelligence that it becomes obvious even during that kind of interaction, it probably will not be important.
When it comes to relationships it definitely matters to some women (and no not only because of job-chances). Yet a woman with an IQ of 100 mightn't care much if his IQ is 115 or 140, however she might not be as attracted to a guy with an IQ of 85.