The Psychological Effects Of Being 'Forever Alone'

Post Reply New Topic

Was she more attractive looking than you? In conventional way at least?

I agree with this. I used to be a person who couldn't even manage simple day to day transitions when I was a child, and forcing myself to stop one task and start another felt like trying to overclock my brain when it wasn't
designed to be overclocked. I was working against my own neurology. If I wanted to participate in mainstream society, I had to reach for it more than it reached for me.

I think I've made a lot of progress since my younger days, but I know I still cannot meet the expectations of most men in a relationship unless I were to mask my way through it but that is not acceptable to me and would severely reduce my quality of life. I do believe, however, that my brain is still creeping towards a more NT state and so perhaps someday I will arrive there or close enough to it to be able to meet certain relationship expectations naturally.

It would have been nice to have a more typical social life and do the normal dating and falling in love and getting married around the average age thing but that just was not in the cards for me. When most people were having teenaged dating drama, my brain was still working on transitioning from watching TV to taking a shower and transitioning from taking a shower to getting out of the shower and from getting out of the shower to getting dressed and from getting dressed to going to bed. Real ASD things. So if I were to look back and think of what I could have done differently, at the time, nothing because I was just not at the point in my neurological development to do so and I respect the limitations of my brain at that time and I respect it's limitations today, and because I respect that I am different and can't completely change that, I also respect that NTs are different from me and are probably worse at changing that.

I've met a few married AS females. Most were average looking yet overburdened mothers, who, like my own NT sister, were to overwhelmed with kids to shower or do their makeup....that's a common state of mothers with young children.

I think though, the differences between us were internal. A lot of these women were only diagnosed after their children were. They were normal enough such that they went unnoticed growing up, and I didn't because I was not normal enough.

In other term, they are less autistic than you.

It seems more Aspie females are in relationships and married than Aspie males. I never met Aspie males are married in current generation. Mostly are older like 40+ who are diagnosed later.

It seems there huge stigma for those who diagnosed younger age exposed to humiliation and prejudice.

Possibly. At least in those aspects as pertains to romantic relationships at the age they formed them.

Especially when you keep trying things that others insist work every time but the results you get are always negative. I exercised like crazy but my body wouldn't respond to my efforts.

That’s not what I read,
You ignore all the past rejections that caused the low confidence and pretend it starts with the low confidence.
If every day someone threw dirt in your face and eventually you expect to have dirt thrown in your face like it’s happen every day. Is that your fault? Or the person who threw dirt in your face?
This is my problem with some people here and why they don’t help me. We don’t live in a bubble. We are effected every day by the other people who share this planet with us.
If I live on another planet alone then your theory would be true, but I don’t so as long as women reject me it’s not self caused. I don’t control them, I don’t make them up, they aren’t figments of my imagination. They act on their own accords and their actions negatively effect me just as me rejecting women or making fun of women would negatively effect them. Your life is effected daily by other people around you, whether you wish to see it or not. It can be as simple as someone doing something that makes you late to work or getting home. You woke up left on time did everything right, but their actions effected you. Nothing you do will change their effect, sure hi can leave earlier, but they still effecting you, now because of them you get less sleep and have to leave earlier. This effects your whole day. You also effect others. We are not alone in our own bubbles. So women rejecting me for not being good enough effects me it causes low confidence and low self esteem. Which might cause some other women to not date me, but it’s nothing I did. I didn’t make the earlier women reject me. Likewise I’m where I am in life due to such effects from others. Very little we do or have done is not effected by others. Our interactions are so interweaved, I doubt anyone could make sense of it all. Even hemits Still face the effects and causes of other people. Some people in dc may decidee they can’t live in that mountain in the wilderness. What’s the saying. No man is an island. I dont know.


So the blame and solution is not on us alone. The only solution is not desiring love which is a basic human desire and one many can’t just turn off, that or death. As others point out our deaths would effect others furthering the system.

I’m where I’m at because of others and their expectations. I failed to meet their expectations not mind. I’m a failure in their eyes. Their determination of me effects how they treat me which effects how I feel.

Plastic surgery is super expensive and not covered by insurance.

Don’t forget the aspies app have a super useful amazing talent that’ll make them upper class.
I have no talents. I’m good at nothing, certainly not amazingly good at anything.
But one aspies good at music, another can paint details from memory, so we must all be so talented. I think such aspies are rare. Neither are all of us IT gods. Just like everyone else there be some talented people but most wont be.

30 years of being alone or 17ish if you count from when I desired relationships, is plenty of forever alone. You won’t find many people where who find happiness in the idea that hey they might get a relationship the last few months they live when their 90. What a great possible future to look forward to how wonderful. They be so old they might just be imagining it or forget who they are every so often. The whole old folks home romance makes me more depressed. I’d rather be dead. If I don’t find a gf in 5 years I’m done, it’ll be too late to enjoy any of it. It’s probably already too late. I can’t do half the stuff from relationships I desire anymore. I want a young youthful silly relationship that people had in their teens and 20s not the s**t relationships that people in their 30s who’ve had tons of past relationships have. Most people had the youthful relationship and don’t want any part of it anymore.

You probably would have gotten closer to the results you wanted if you did some dieting as well. For your body to start losing weight, you need to burn more calories than you're taking in, and if you're still eating a lot of high-calorie fatty foods, you may be offsetting your progress in the gym.

What kinds of exercises were you doing? Certain exercises are going to help more with weight loss where others are more for toning and strengthening muscles. If you were lifting weights, doing deadlifts and things like that while consuming a lot of calories, you probably wouldn't lose weight.

On the other hand, if you're focusing on things like cardio, running, that sort of thing and counting calories and eating better, you would get much better weight loss results. Nothing against you but I find it hard to believe that your body defies the general rule that if you consume less calories than you burn, you WILL lose weight.

The difference being throwing dirt in someone's face is an active act of aggression/malevolence, whereas rejecting someone because they aren't what you're looking for isn't done with the purpose of hurting or harming another person (though sometimes it does). Not being interested in someone is neither an act of aggression nor malevolence.



Again, big distinction between rejecting someone and making fun of someone. When rejecting, your aim is to let them know that you're not interested in them romantically, which isn't inherently meant to make someone feel bad. When making fun of someone, making them feel bad is exactly what you're trying to do.


There is no blame when it comes to not being interested in someone or something. Blaming someone for not wanting to date you is like blaming someone for not liking opera. You can't just change people's tastes and preferences because they don't suit you unfortunately.

And yes, the solution does have to start and end with you. The only person you have control over is you, and your being single is nobody else's problem, so it's up to you to meet the standards and expectations of others. Because they aren't going to change their standards to suit your liking.

The only solutions I see for 'forever alones' are to either wait it out in hopes that things just change one day, or take a proactive approach in the form of self-improvement and that will in turn make them more appealing to the opposite sex. If you're being shown you're not good enough for people you want to date, the best shot you have is to try and become good enough.

I did both weight lifting and cardio.
I had conflicting advice on doing the weight lifting, though. Some would tell me to lift only every other day while others said I had to do it everyday or my muscle tone would fade. It also felt like I either was lifting under the required amount or I was trying to lift too much.

The cardio I did was mostly the elliptical but I later learned those machines are really only for those who have weak joints or are elderly. It would make me sweat but I didn't feel any fat breaking down and my muscles didn't feel any lactic burn.

I think before you claim that your body doesn't respond to exercise, you should try better eating habits plus running/cardio and see if you don't lose weight, because I bet you would. i lost 20kg in 2013 over a period of like 10/12 weeks through dieting alone. I'd only consume 1000 calories a day and didn't up my exercise at all. Unless actively working off the surplus calories you consume through exercise, optimising diet is the more effective method imo if you were to choose between he two, though of course diet plus exercise will give the best results.

He was alone until the point that he wasn't. That being said, the label of "forever alone" can really only be assigned after someone dies.