When do you deserve to be single?

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TwilightPrincess
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02 Aug 2018, 1:42 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

I'm not good enough.

Why do you say that you're not good enough? What is your problem exactly?

Darn it. You drew me back in peacesells.

Because I keep accidentally pushing people away. If I knew what my problem was maybe I could fix it.

I am too passive I think. Now this is a cop out, but growing up with a volatile mother I learned to keep my head down and stay out of the way. An ideal survival technique for a child, a major flaw as an adult.

I had a volatile mother, too, which made me too passive and kept me in an abusive situation for far too long.

Have you worked on this sort of stuff with a counselor? It might be helpful. You could learn social skills that could lead to a relationship.

Don’t let your desire to be in a relationship let you get into a relationship with the wrong person.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Aug 2018, 2:31 pm

I think Kim kardashian deserves to be single

Peacesells
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02 Aug 2018, 3:41 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Darn it. You drew me back in peacesells.

Wasn't it what your post was for?

Quote:

Because I keep accidentally pushing people away. If I knew what my problem was maybe I could fix it.

I am too passive I think. Now this is a cop out, but growing up with a volatile mother I learned to keep my head down and stay out of the way. An ideal survival technique for a child, a major flaw as an adult.

Why and how do you think your passivity pushes people away? I am not familiar with this.

hurtloam
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02 Aug 2018, 4:47 pm

Peacesells wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Darn it. You drew me back in peacesells.

Wasn't it what your post was for?

Quote:

Why and how do you think your passivity pushes people away? I am not familiar with this.

I think i unintentionally show a lack of interest. Like I listened to Mr bloke telling me about his circumstances. I listened to him tell me about his sister. I don't know if I appeared to care. I did invite him to a couple of events (that's the wrong word. Social things). I made what felt like effort to me, but I don't know if it felt like an effort to him. Maybe i came over as just a friend. I didnt initiate hugs. He did. I was a lot for me to go out of my comfort zone, but maybe nothing to him.

Different expectations maybe.

The_Face_of_Boo
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02 Aug 2018, 5:00 pm

^ maybe he assumed you’re gay.

Wait... that rings a bell.

Peacesells
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02 Aug 2018, 5:20 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Don't forget to consider the fact that perhaps he just wasn't that attracted to you, it's not that showing an interest will always make the other person interested, even if they do pick up the hint.

hurtloam
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02 Aug 2018, 5:41 pm

Peacesells wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Don't forget to consider the fact that perhaps he just wasn't that attracted to you, it's not that showing an interest will always make the other person interested, even if they do pick up the hint.

Meh. That explains away them all.

As I say. It hurts less just to give up.

I really think I'm the kind of person who just needs to find away to accept being on my own.

Peacesells
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02 Aug 2018, 6:14 pm

hurtloam wrote:

Meh. That explains away them all.

As I say. It hurts less just to give up.

I really think I'm the kind of person who just needs to find away to accept being on my own.

I sympathize, I really liked someone recently but had to accept the fact that she didn't have much of an interest in me. I know that it can really ruin one's mood for a while.
Personally, what helped me was to accept that some factors are limiting my ability to be attractive and that I can greatly improve some of them through effort. It really got her off my mind, because I can clearly see the light at the end of the tunnel now and I know that soon I will be able to attract women like her or better without much trouble.

hurtloam
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02 Aug 2018, 6:47 pm

I don't feel like I can be better than I already am. I have a lot going for me. I'm ok looking. I'm not fat. I'm pleasant company. I don't smell. I pluck my eyebrows. I own an apartment. I have a job. I have a social life. I'm funny. I'm not needy. I'm not frumpy. I'm not obsessed with my looks or material possessions. I'm interested in lots of things. I dont just watch soap operas and scroll through Facebook in my space time. I'm trying to learn Spanish. I love walking. I love cooking.

This constant push to improve myself gets me down. What else can I do?! There's people out there who don't even try to better themselves and they just fall into relationships. And yet with all the things I do I'm still not enough.

Peacesells
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03 Aug 2018, 2:40 am

hurtloam wrote:

No need to get yourself down, I don't know you so I just made a hypothesis that can be wrong. Do you have a good male friend who is not romantically attracted to you? You might ask him what he think pushes guys away from you. Or maybe you are just not getting to know enough guys and are unlucky.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Aug 2018, 2:45 am

Peacesells wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Meh. That explains away them all.

As I say. It hurts less just to give up.

I really think I'm the kind of person who just needs to find away to accept being on my own.

I envy your optimism, i was like this....now I am not much so lol.

Peacesells
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03 Aug 2018, 2:50 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Meh. That explains away them all.

As I say. It hurts less just to give up.

I really think I'm the kind of person who just needs to find away to accept being on my own.

I envy your optimism, i was like this....now I am not much so lol.

That's because I am neither short nor hairy.

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Aug 2018, 2:56 am

Peacesells wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

hurtloam wrote:

Meh. That explains away them all.

As I say. It hurts less just to give up.

I really think I'm the kind of person who just needs to find away to accept being on my own.

I envy your optimism, i was like this....now I am not much so lol.

That's because I am neither short nor hairy.

No, but because you're much younger.

Kiprobalhato
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