What's the point for Aspie men to date?

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Quit it, Sly.

Besides, what is a "real man"? How do you define who's a "real man" and who isn't? You're not doing yourself any good by trying to conform to society's definition of a "real man" - first of all, because society's version of the concept is nothing but outdated propaganda, and secondly because you ultimately create your own definition of it. Be the best man you can be and make yourself lovable.

I’ll eat my hat if I’m wrong about what I said. Though some people might find it attractive, they’re in the vast minority.

Who wants to be with someone who just constantly pummels you with negative energy? I’m angry so I have hardly any friends on here. Coincidence? I doubt it. I push people away with angry vibes. The fault is mine.

Dating someone who does nothing more than moan about themselves and blame other people for their shortcomings sounds like a slow form of torture.

rick42 I'm in a romantic relationship with an aspie gentleman and it would be an understatement to say I like him very much.

The fact that I was raised by someone with AS might influence the (relative) ease of our communication, and my personality type (I'm an intuitive introvert) may as well, as well as the fact that we both are highly interested in AI, cultural evolution, art, etc probably.

But to say "females hate aspie men"... while that may be a statement that you consider to be backed by personal experience, it isn't generally objectively true.

Where some of it may come from is this: females TEND to (rightfully so) value qualities that may not develop or express as naturally or clearly in aspie men. That doesn't mean doom it means acknowledging the situation for what it is, resisting succumbing to defeatism or self loathing, and trusting that humans are capable of producing understanding between one another and that love and attraction can develop between all different kinds of people.

Men of all types are often assumed to "hate" qualities generally classed as negative and attributed to women (crying easily, changing ones mind, valuing material security and comfort, focus on aesthetics) and I grew very cynical about this: There is a logic to those qualities in females, biologically speaking. And men can possess these qualities as well, anyone can. ... but it's an instinctive foreknowledge of potential phases of dependency, vulnerability and home boundedness in females due to pregnancy that gives them a more frequent tendency towards these states I think.

Just as there is a logic to the at first seemingly obscure (to a neurotypical) quirks of an aspie. It isn't fair to assume hatred across the board. Misunderstanding can look like hatred. But it can be turned into understanding.

*and to finish my point, the relief in finding someone capable of understanding is inexplicable. I feel like I have never been truly understood or valued for what I am until I met my s/o.... his highly rational mind allowed him to see what was behind my seemingly irrational behavior and actually appreciate it, and luckily he hasn't succumbed to bitterness towards females so his "seeing what was behind" has been marked by love and acceptance rather than despair, disgust and criticism, and he deserves the same regard. A lot of people with bad motives will try to turn men and women against each other but I don't think that is what nature intended.

A person who constantly moans about themselves,and blames others all the time, is a boring, wearisome person to me.

Go tell that to the kid getting bullied at school and that it their fault not the bullies.

Most women haven't met you...

So how can you say what most women think of you?

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 25 Jun 2018, 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yeah, I wouldn't wanna be rick, either.

You selectively ignore posts there then. People never told you to improve yourself they told you your goodnhow you are and that you’ll find a guy. I and men here get told to hit the gym, lose wieght, go to college, findna good job, anything but told we good how we are and a woman will find us. So why the two sides? Women told they don’t have to change to be accepted but men are told they need to change if they ever want a relationship. If you don’t see this your ignoring posts to keep to your bias.
Much like how women here ignore women saying same stuff I say abiut men needing to be a real man and how no woman in her right mind would go for lesser men who don’t have their life together. I dont know how , do they just blank out any posts that goes against their bias mentally o.0
I’ve even quoted such women and they blank right over it still.
Message is clear, women are born deserving of love and should be accepted how they are, men are born undeserving love and must prove theIt worth.
I’ve never seen a woman complaining of being alone get told to find a good paying job or asked what do you offer to a guy. Men here constantly get asked thst. Cause our dating value is based in what we offer. I should just be like I have a goat and come fat pigs t over for your hand in marriage please pass my offer along to your father miss.
I don’t but maybe I should raise some chickens for dowry will many women accept that as something to offer for dates?

In the electronic internet age most women in my area have seen my pictures and profile and thus reject me for my economic situation without every exchanging a a single message or meeting. Situation that women wouldn’t be rejected form by most men.
Society says men have to be well off to be dateable. It’s seen everywhere, it’s in our magazines, movies, commercials, Twitter, etc. successful men are always pretrayed as well off men in suits, who work office jobs and drive bmws or other nice cars.
Losers are pretrayed as pizza delivery guys, fast food workers, etc you do watch tv and movies right?

So my situation as a man in disability who works 15 hours a week in retail is rather hopeless especial in a area fille with hot early 20s university students. Most women here go to college, and thus see themselves as better then min wage guys. “Rightly so” as many women in wrong planet say.

So honestly what chances do I have?

Sorry didn’t answer how I can say what most women think of me, they post it right in their profiles, Twitter, Facebook, wrong planet posts, etc.
probably so losers like me stop wasting their time sending them messages.
Mush like a guy who says don’t message me unless your thin and hot is telling fat women they aren’t good enough for him

That is not how it works though, simply having the same diagnoses as someone is not enough to form a relationship on.

Also, when I first met my boyfriend I didn't tell him I had aspergers....I figured it would be better if we get to know each other first without potentially making assumptions based on that. Like I wanted to date not be analyzed for potential aspie traits.

Do you tend to mention the aspergers or keep it to yourself? And how did you find out those women you asked had aspergers in the first place? Because, it is possible perhaps your approach was wrong and that is more why they rejected you than that you have aspergers.

There is just so much in this post that is way off. In a lot of ways, it’s harder to be a woman in the dating pool than a man. Most women obsess about their weight, makeup, and clothes. On top of this, there is stress about pervy guys... I’ve never heard this acceptance as you are that you speak of.

I think it’s good for everyone to work towards self improvement. It would only benefit you even if doesn’t lead directly to a relationship.

I know a man on disability due to bipolar disorder who is missing most of his teeth and has tons of loose skin from losing weight from bariatric surgery. He seems to have no trouble getting into relationships and currently has a girlfriend.

I think working on social skills and self esteem/attitude through therapy or the like could be a big help towards getting and maintaining a relationship.

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 25 Jun 2018, 3:21 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Repeat post

Last edited by TwilightPrincess on 25 Jun 2018, 3:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been there before. It was not fun.
I'm actually more attracted to women like that maybe partly because I can relate to em & I'd hoped they could relate to me more. Plus I like being supportive within a realtionship.

I am quite certain people have told me to improve myself, and less kind people have meanly made it known to me they think I'm 'different/weird' and that is grounds to treat me like crap. I've constantly been told I need to change to be accepted since I was a little kid. Also I am not responsible for the views of other people...I have my views based on my experiences. I don't buy the 'real man' garbage, so yeah I tend to ignore it because its garbage so I don't validate it. It is a sexist idea.

And yes I watch movies, I usually find the wealthy men in business suits to be pretty unattractive and bland...or if not bland total as*holes. I tend to prefer the 'loser' pizza delivery guy.

Also, I am not sure where you live because...I don't know anyone around my age group who could afford a 1 bedroom apartment on their own. The only people I've met around my age who seem well off have the bank of mommy and daddy to depend on. I mean my male friends and aquantinces have relationships, and not one of them is well off.

Why are you focusing on the women who say things like that on their profile? I mean that is what I did on my dating profile...at times when I looked to messege people I skipped any guys who seemed super shallow like that, or if I got messages from guys like that I ignored them. I really only paid attention to guys who came off as more different or more outliers of society not normies, or guys with the highschool jock image. There are women who don't care about society saying 'only well off guys are worth dating) maybe they aren't the majority but they exist, you wont find them by being bitter and building walls.

When one consistently argues that he is not a real man and no woman would date someone like him, eventually what is left for the others to suggest but that he improve himself?