Pickup artists FOR Asperger's

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Weird, I've offered to discuss online app/email/text communications here that lead to meetings in real life that people can then use for whatever end goal they have whether hookups, dates, potential LTR's etc and the general response has been that no one here is really interested in learning those things & they don't believe that the communication processes that I utilize chatting with gay boys for the purpose of hooking up with them are transferable to the heterosexual dating world.. instead, they'd rather complain they can't get a date.

Meanwhile, in goldfishy's reality, I've managed to utilize my aspie ability to communicate well via text to meet more than 500 local gay boys. Chatting with people online is chatting with people online. It's all about communication, and to an extent, sales skills - asking the right questions at the right moments that lead to others being interested in meeting you. Some hetero guy could learn from my communication techniques and then use them to get first dates vs. seeking hookups. IMO.

I think there are likely a number of people here who's communication skills are so limited that their online conversations go nowhere because they don't know what to say & when. If they spent a little time practicing having back and forth communication with people and learning to ask appropriate open ended questions, they'd have a lot more success in converting first contact online into meeting IRL. I've seen some examples of peoples' conversations posted here where chats just die because statements are made, or questions are answered, or yes/no questions are asked with no follow up to continue the flow of things. IMO, it really does come down to very fundamental communication strategies that would make all the difference in the world for so many here.

And for those who prefer reading books, I'd suggest Not reading a relationship advice book and instead reading a Sales advice book, maybe something like "The Sales Bible," by Jeffrey Gitomer.. because, after all, step by step you're selling them. Selling them on continuing the conversation, responding to you, meeting you, You in general.. and if you have zero understanding of how the sales process works (typically applied to products & services) then you'll likely have a difficult time selling yourself in a potential date scenario.

Yeah, I'm a gay dude.. but if anyone on this forum qualifies as a "aspie pua," it's me.

That doesn't mean there's nothing to learn from them. Someone who's goal is to have a steady partner to date has to start out by chatting them up and getting them to agree to meet them. If one's goal is to hookup, do that, have fun. If it's to have pie & coffee at a local cafe, then use the same communication process to arrange that instead. Just because the end goal is a 2nd date, 3rd, 10th anniversary and so on doesn't mean that relationships are initiated any differently. They all start with very similar conversations and an agreement to meet up IRL regardless of one's ultimate intentions. PUA's are masters of the communication that leads to those meetings & first dates, so even the "I'm saving myself for marriage," crowd could learn a lot about how to go about getting a date from those who get the most dates. IMO YMMV.

Your observations are spot on, for the communications dynamic on here. In fact, I think it is very representative of Aspies and our inability to engage with each other (not to mention NT's...). WP and most other autism locales on the internet aren't much better (or are perhaps worse) than NT venues for opening casual social interactions with others. I was disappointed years ago, to learn this axiom as I thought the easy solution for Aspie social skills issues was to interact with Aspies...not so much, it turns out.

I want to thank you for the Sales Bible recommendation. I think I'm going to get that book, as it has also some business implications for me. I have a little familiarity with the gay hookup world and I'm sure it is quite analagous to many other casual social situations. It's interesting that you apparently have had some success in that area. Does that success overlap into other social areas of life for you? In other words, do you have significant social disabilities, or is this one of your relative strengths in the Aspie spectrum?

I'm sorry, what was the original question some 4 or 5 pages ago? Something about self-help skills in the romance department specifically geared towards Aspies. Seems like the answer is basically NO.

You're welcome. It's a good book. I've also attended one of his seminars with my brother & he's a great speaker.

Yes, I have success in other social areas of life - especially these last few years that I've been treating my AS symptoms, and Especially last night. I've made many friends at the beach I hang out at, I'm well liked and respected there. I have other friends in my life, God kids & nephews who love me, get along reasonably well with everyone at work etc. I've made quite a few friends in the gay party scene over the last few years, too. Extremely high functioning these days to the point that almost no one who meets me would ever guess I'm on the spectrum. (Only one person, 2 years ago, because my symptoms were acting up a bit And he has a brother on the spectrum so recognized the traits.)

But last night.. last night may be turn out to be the biggest single social success night of my life. My cousin works in film and she threw a masquerade soiree last night. I decided to dress up, put on a fancy mask, and go. It was almost entirely film industry people (which is Booming here & pays Very Well relative to similar jobs) & several of them spent the night trying to convince me to come join their crew on a show next Spring and build sets for 5-6 months. Apparently my cousin is Somebody in that world and has the ability to get me a job there & essentially pave the way for me. (She is a Production Manager) So, I'm going to follow up with my cousin and fill out all the applications this Winter.. because if she can pull a couple strings and get me on board, it'd be very good for my bank account. The job would be on Vancouver Island and they'd put me up in a place to stay (apparently they'll pay up to $3k/month for rent, but I wouldn't want or need anything too fancy), then the lowest starting wage is approx 1.75 times my current wage, plus they work 10-12h/day pretty much every day for a couple months straight so the overtime is Huge, plus they feed you all the time so nearly zero food expense, and on top of that they pay $350/week (tax free) per diem.. sooooo, if the next season of this show gets the green light and this comes to fruition in the new year, for 6 months I'll make up to 4-4.5x+ my current take home pay & be able to stack cash towards my Very Expensive goals in life. Last Winter I didn't work for 9 months (although still had an income) & perhaps this one I'll work Tonnes & Get Paid. Nice way to balance things out!

When I left the party I felt pretty damned good and it even crossed my mind that I wanted to share this exciting news on the forum.. NOT to brag, but to point out that This Is Social Success as a result of treating my symptoms. Doing what I do to keep myself functioning as ultra highly as possible has enabled me to blend in with these incredibly social people like a chameleon, and then be extended an invitation to come and work, make money, and party with them. Those things don't happen if you're "the awkward odd one out," that can't seem to make a social connection with people. I make these statements as further evidence that what I do to treat my symptoms really does work.

Thanks for sharing. I've known people who do that kind of work (I also did a lot of field work on the road myself), and from looking at it the job might be well suited for Aspie types. Like the technical work I do, people who do set construction often are weird types (as I tend to be). Many places in the trades I've found that to be true. And I mean that in a good way. If it was a bunch of yuppies I was working with, then I'd be on the bottom of the totem pole in no time at all.

Tony Attwood writes a bit about people who become higher-functioning at various phases of their lives, so this happens. In most cases, though, its about being a very good acting student and practicing techniques that are likely to work. It tires us out though, so sometimes a refuge is required to be alone and recharge. I wonder if you find that to be true, after your ventures out to social events.

In my line of work I think I do pretty well at the first impression and the superficial social interactions. If it goes too deep, where it requires a more advanced ad-lib response, I can get in trouble. I think my frustration is that there is a limit to those superficial interactions. As long as everything stays within that limit, things are OK. Most of the time though I am finding it's not as deep as I'd like it.

Yeah, there's some weird creative types building cool stuff for film sets.. every day is different there. Building fake plywood walls one day, sculpting foam with a hot wire for props or a castle in the sky the next. And the people are.. eclectic. My cousin (who was born in the same hospital 6 hours before my twin brother and I, so we're all the same age) describes them as "carnies with money." Fortunately for me, I've worked with some travelling gypsy types (ironworkers) who live out of hotels (I was the local guy on the crew), have worked up to 98h/week, and have also attended some VERY WILD parties the last few years.. so, I think I could handle this lifestyle. Also, I'm a pretty sober person compared to many of them, so I'd be able to have a little fun with them but keep my own nose clean and walk away from a 6 month contract with a pretty fat wallet.

I've Tony's "The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome," and know what you're talking about. Thing is, that part of his book, talking about "intellectual processing," and our ability to mask ourselves, put on a persona, and fake it through a social situation but feel drained due to the stress of an intense amount of focus & brain powered required to do so describes how I used to make it through social situations like that. I've been sharing here on the forums for 5+ years now how I've figured out how to treat my symptoms so that I'm able to navigate social interactions like this naturally and intuitively, no intellectual processing required, as I've managed to "turn on the social circuitry," and "tap into the hive mind collective," of NTs, functioning almost on par with their wavelength. I don't really even get nervous/anxious, and am not "drained & depleted," after a night like this requiring solitude and recovery time. All of that is Aspie stuff that's now in my distant past 6+ years ago & prior.

There is no collective NT thinking. All humans are individual and unique and have their own opinions. Aspies are socially awkward people that do not try to interact with others. Aspies spend most of his/her life rarely leaving his/her house is not going to be socially adjusted to interact with other people. The term Aspie is just a modern word to say socially awkward person that does not like to interact with other people.

Actually, there is a sort of "common knowledge," or "hive mind," collective type thinking among humans. Many here have described their own experiences as feeling like they're locked on the outside of being able to tap into said collective knowledge in order to be able to just intuitively know how to behave and what to say in various social interactions.

Sure, humans are individuals.. but we can still be classified by groups. NT vs. ND is just one example.

Not all aspies are shut-in agoraphobic hermits. Maybe you are, but you certainly can't paint all of us with the same brush.

Actually, no. "Aspie," is merely a shortened form of "Asperger's Syndrome," which we all know is HFA. Social awkwardness is a main trait, yes, but it's not necessarily true that all aspies don't like to interact with people.

And those "thousands upon thousands of terrified young men" are the reason I carry pepper spray.

No, they're real, it's just you need to have a certain type of personality to pull it off. They try to sell their techniques on the premise that "anyone can do it" which isn't actually true; the men who can successfully pull it off are usually mild sociopaths, naturally charismatic and expert manipulators. They're the same kinds of people who would make good con artists.

@golfish

While I agree that there are a few people here with so limited understanding of others and proper wording to the point of behaving downright obnoxious, I must stress there's more than one difference between instant chat messaging and forum posting/emailing:

1) Time factor: while Instant chat sites or softwares like Skype can hold conversations almost as fast as they are IRL, forums don't for the most part

2) personal VS group : when you chat with 1 guy either on a dating app or skype or W/E it's a personal conversation. Forums are Not personal and everyone reads and interacts with your posts

3) which leads to the matter of things discussed. Since IM are more personal, usually you can see the pic of the other person and additional info, IMs tend to be more "friendly" while forums and emails are distant.

As an analogy to this, Whatsapp is cosidered more socially "friendly" while SMS messages are considered more "professional".

Therefore, one should tread lightly trying to convey his knowledge from one to the other.

Just my two cents. Edited due to a typo

??

I never said anything about forum posts.

People here have copied and pasted or screenshoted IM conversations that have been.. terrible. They literally don’t know how to keep a real time chat conversation going, never mind know how to steer it in the direction they want it to go.

I think that cold approach in theory can work, but it depends on a lot of factors such as your looks and your social ability otherwise known as "game". When you only try to meet people through either common connections or common events such as work or through friend connections, chances are there are only a handful of girls that you may get to meet and there is no guarantee that they will be single and actually like you back. However, with day game and cold approach, there are hundreds of women you could talk to and potentially go on a date with. And unlike online dating, you're not competing with dozens of other guys for her attention.

Cold approach is simply meeting someone is an unknown setting and either trying to befriend them, or in the case of dating, trying to get their number and date them. It's a useful skill to have as you can potentially make many connections that way.

I think a lot of success with cold approach comes down to how you look, the context of the situation (for instance approaching a girl in a parking lot at night vs talking to her at a volunteer event), and to a lesser extent how good your interpersonal skills are. Because like online dating, when you're going up to talk to a woman with the intent of getting her number, they have no idea who you are and what your personality is like. So they're judging you mostly by first impression and that is usually how you look, and whether you're creepy or not. So it would make sense that if they find you unattractive and/or you make them feel uncomfortable, they're much more likely to blow you off.

This was not contradictory to your post, but I see now you were talking about people here posting examples of their IM chats.

From their existing knowledge mostly in forum posting whenever valid, one should be careful when applying same logic onto IM chat and maybe that is what happened to the same unfortunate users you described in your message.

Can you link me with some examples?

No, that’s not what happened. These people don’t know how to carry on a conversation. They make brief statements vs ask open ended questions, or ask or answer a yes/no question and then the conversation just does.

No, I can’t. I’ve been on these forums for more than 6 years. I remember reading several examples of very poor communication skills and people wondering why their convo went nowhere. I didn’t bookmark each example as if I’d ever need to reference them.