Bigotry against involuntarily celibate men

Post Reply New Topic

I highly doubt that sly and others here are actually on those forums. They are normal-adjusted people and not crazy like the folks that post in those forums. Also, suggesting that they may have borders very scarily on false accusation and alienating the guys posting here.

This one. I know this is supposed to be the love and dating board but it's mostly the guys complaining about being incel board.

My question is whether there exist non-crazy "Incel" forums. I don't mean to insinuate that anyone here posts in the infamous violence-promoting "Incel" forums. Perhaps the "Incel" community really does have a saner branch that the rest of us haven't heard about yet? We don't know yet, and we won't know until we see a response to my challenge to provide examples of such a thing.

But this forum does not CALL itself an "Incel" forum. The whole point of this discussion is whether the LABEL "Incel" has been irreparably tainted. So my question is whether there exist any relatively sane forums that identify themselves as part of the "Incel" community.

if they were truly sane, they would have stopped identifying themselves as "incel" by now.

Of course it's been irreparably tainted. I thought that was obvious.

It's a shame because it would otherwise be an accurate descriptive term. A decade ago I looked up celebracy on Wikipedia and found that the article only described the voluntary practice, nuns and monks, etc.

Before Incel became a term the majority of the population who were getting busy on a regular basis thought celibacy was a strictly volunteery thing, most often self-imposed for religious reasons.

People can create a new term for it if they want but the new term will be tainted by the same people who tainted the old one.

Apparently the O.P. and a few other people in this thread don't think so.


Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on whether there exists a sufficient critical mass of relatively sane self-described "Incels" (or whatever term replaces it) who decide to reclaim the term.

Just about EVERY unpopular category of people has faced a similar problem. WHATEVER term they use for themselves, it is going to get tainted. Sometimes they decide to try to jettison a tainted term, and sometimes they try to reclaim it. It is up to the group (or at least a majority of its more visible members) to decide, and it is up to others to respect the group's choice.

A problem with jettisoning old terms is that, if that's your sole strategy for dealing with stigma, you'll have to invent new terms practically every week, because the new ones will get tainted almost as soon as the general public hears about them. That's why minority groups often prefer to reclaim terms instead.

Hence my question as to whether there actually exists an organized community of relatively sane self-described "Incels".

I have a partner, I have an active sexual life , I’ve never used the incel term even when I was single and I don’t like the way of naming members with projected assumptions.

The only forum I frequent is this one here, do you see any pro-rape and pro-slavery posts here?

Well some guys who fall into the belief that they are 'involuntarily celibate' and thus are entitled to rape people. It sucks but it is a thing that has occurred in human experience. I mean I suspect most people don't have a problem with someone just because they have not experienced sex yet. But if said person starts constantly complaining about how 'involuntary' it is that can certainly give off a creepy vibe. Like no one is entitled to sex with a specific person their choice unless that person consents so the idea of involuntary celibacy is ridiculous. its not like your just entitled to sex because you got born and thus if women don't have sex with you its some kind of 'involuntary punishment for not having had sex yet' And quite frankly if you obsess on it and get that kind of attitude it is a rather large turn off for any potential date. Because you will probably act bitter when they don't instantly start acting like they want to have sex, start being passive aggressive till there is no communication and then things fizzle out. I just don't think it is good to look at it in that way, I mean sure everyone wants a relationship. But involuntary celibacy just makes it sound like you are kept in a cage or on some kind of drug that prevents you ever having romantic relationships or sex....I mean you have to meet someone you connect with, Hell if you want sex without a romantic connection there are options in the world for that to.

The term "incel" is irreparably tarnished. Identifying yourself as one is basically begging everyone to think you're a gigantic bastard.

As for simply being a perpetual virgin. Well, news flash, but as a man the biggest possible failure is to be undateable. People despise lonely, sex-starved men because we're embarrassing, pitiful failures. Only worse thing to be is a rapist or pedophile.

Its not like everyone has some date set up when they are born. Most people probably don't give a single crap if you're a virgin or not, what people give a crap about is if you obsess about it. Like seriously if you develop a personality and find a woman attracted to you they aren't going to care if you've had sex before, I cannot imagine many women being like 'oh you didn't sleep with 10 girls before me, well forget it and go away'. But I mean say a guy gets a date and they spend the dinner portion bitching about how no girls like them and they are involuntary celibate and then when the girl starts getting uncomfortable they get mad at them for not being turned on enough by the pity party to have sex. Like that girl is going to leave, and no girlfriend opportunity for that guy...so probably better to develop a better outlook first.

I mean I met one guy one time that I did want to hang out with and figure out if we'd be good together...but I told him I may be able to hang out another day than we met. Thought it was all good like maybe I had a date, but than the instant I got on the bus he just kept texting me non-stop about how he loves me, misses me even and it had been 10 minutes. Then also I had a sh***y phone so it was hard to text responses and before I could even respond to the first 5 messeges he sent me he started bitching at me for not messaging him back right away. So I texted that I did not want to meet him anymore because he was being super obsessive and than blocked him.

Like there are weirdos out there, so you should try and be a good person, but if someone is really bothering you or making you uncomfortable sometimes you have to take a stand and tell them to f**k off.

Kind of implying that I am so lacking in self-awareness that I'm insanely clingy or mopey when talking to people in real life. Not to mention you seem to be suggesting I have no personality.

You're just proving my point; lonely men are automatically assumed to be freaks, regardless of what else they may have said or done. I'm not some obese neckbeard who proposes to any woman who gives me the tiniest bit of attention.

You are aware that one of the most common insults towards men is "lol, virgin" or "you need to get laid", right? There's a reason for that.

I am not referring to anyone here really, just giving general thoughts on the topic from what I have observed. Generally even if someone has valid reason for some frusteration if they complain too much it pushes people away. I mean like a person can be a virgin and that is fine...but if that is their whole identity that they didn't have sex yet, then that is a turn off. IDK how exactly to word it but vigin guys can get girlfriends and sex but not so much if they are moping about it. I mean I am not judging any of that, just from what I see people get very turned off by complaining no matter what its about or whether its valid or not. 'Involuntary celibate' seems very complainy when its more like you just haven't found a right person to have sex with also way more complicated, like who is it keeping you celibate exactly? every woman that doesn't have sex...well that puts unfair pressure on any woman what we're just supposed to drop our pants and have sex with any guy who hasn't had it yet? I realize that is not a thing people usually think but the point is wording it that way can certainly put women more on the defense than wanting to relate to you because they worry maybe some of these guys are just after sex and not just having troubles forming relationships, just generally speaking of what I see...women are uncomfortable about guys going on about not having had sex yet. Because yes in fact they might wonder if they should be worried you might try something without consent...it may seem unreasonable but well maybe try being a woman for a few years and you might understand why these kind of concerns exist. I mean imagine some girl you are not attracted to comes up complaining about never getting a boyfriend like almost guilt tripping you about it...how would you react? I mean you don't like it but seems that is how people work currently. Too much complaining no matter why does not attract people, sorry about it but not sure how to instantly change it so people don't think like that at all.

Last edited by Sweetleaf on 02 Nov 2018, 2:55 am, edited 1 time in total.

None of that has anything to do with what I'm talking about. I'm talking about men who struggle with sex/romance in general, not those who identify as "involuntarily celibate". The very first thing I said is that label is a very poor choice to use.

I don't know how many times I have to say it, but this website is the ONLY PLACE I make these complaints. It's my venting board, because it's apparently a support forum. I don't go around spending all day every day publicly crying out to everyone how gigantic a virgin I am and women need to come fix that for me. You say your comments aren't directed at me, but they sure are full of implications about me. Starting to feel a bit insulted.

Well the title states 'bigotry against involuntarily celibate men' didn't realize posting about the title of the topic was off topic from what the thread was about, but I guess that's just me.

See, you were quoting me though. That means what you're saying is either directed at or about me. Unless of course your idea of threads is to just quote random crap for larks.