Aspie virgins

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I didn't lose my virginity until about two years ago. When I met my GF, she told me that because of her medical condition (she has the same one as I do), she felt she would never meet someone who would take her seriously just because she was a virgin.

I told her I was a virgin and she asked me about a good time to meet somewhere safe. When we "did it", we felt as if a weight had been taken off of us both.

People that have learning disabilities like me fall behind and never catch up and become isolated from society. Disabled people get labeled: weird, ret*d, idiot and other insults that only make us feel more alienated and isolated from society. A disabled person can not relate to normal people and normal people do not understand how hard life is being disabled. I have always been socially isolated and will always be socially isolated from society. Being isolated from society due to learning disabilities keep many of us male Aspies cut off from society. Society does not accept people with disabilities.

This is very eloquently put. This is what it's really all about.

It's not about cars and money, it's about the difficulties of disability and how that effects interactions with other people.

Although some can "catch up." I did. I was not at all able to cope with social interaction in my late teens and early 20s. I was unemployed and couldn't get a job. I was really ill as well.

When i did get a steady job it really helped my social skills. I was in customer service which was both a blessing and a curse. It was a struggle, but gave me needed skills which I have built on and built on over the years.

There are autistic women that never find a "way in", never get their foot in the door, and aren't able to work and are socially isolated. It's not just the men that happens to, women with autism struggle socially as well. Can we please stop this "autistic men have it worse" silliness? I thought it had been decided that who has it worse in regards to gender and autism is a stupid and pointless argument and has no place on WrongPlanet. I don't think when autistic people get together to share about their autism we should spend that time trying to gauge who has it worst. That doesn't help anyone.

^ So when did you lose your virginity?

For most women it’s about the cars and money. They’d date a successful disabled person no problem and quite a few do.

Women here have stated it’s about mans ability to provide a certain lifestyle

If more aspie men are worse off then aspie women? Don’t aspie men have it worse just like African Americans have it worse then whites?
Isn’t it all about who’s more effected number wise?

So we should only talk about the problems of autistic men, because they are "worse"?

Why can't we make an effort to make the community welcoming to all people with autism, not just the men? Shouldn't we all feel free to share our feelings and experiences here, all being people on the spectrum? If guys are always turning the conversation to themselves and refuse to acknowledge that autistic women face the same social challenges and other issues that go along with autism (like sensory issues, for example), how are women supposed to feel welcome here?

Shouldn't you want to encourage more autistic women to participate in the forums? I mean, the more you talk to autistic women the better you can get at socializing with women in general, which could help with your dating prospects. Isn't that something you want?

I just think always trying to make it a pissing contest and only wanting to talk about one group's issues to the exclusion of others makes those others feel unwelcome, which isn't supposed to be the point of this forum. I thought it was supposed to be for support and community.

Never said we should only talk about male aspies problems but we should shut down the talk because female aspies also have it hard either.
Some people here want to stop aspie men from sharing their expand exile them to other sites. How’s that for welcoming to all?
Others want to make conservative aspies leave.
I just want everyone to be able to share the experiences.

How is this thread about male aspies making it unwelcoming to women? Shutting down male issues will make male aspies unwelcome is that what you want as it seems like it is.

Talking to female aspies won’t help me, they aren’t nt and it’s not in person and most wouldn’t date me either
I treat women and men the same.
I treat hurtloam the same as I would a male internet friend. Same with fluffy.
Most my internet friends are females
There’s a whole women’s only section and lots of threads about women only outside of it. Do you have issues about that?
How do we ensure every single post is about men and women equally?
There’s more male aspies then women
There’s more unsuccessful male aspies then unsuccessful female aspies so it would go that most threads and posts will by by unsuccessful male aspies about male aspies especially in love and dating.
I see more women posting in other sections who have relationships. Most women posting on n l&d have relationships. There’s a lot of posts by women asking advice about male aspies.

It’s like the thread asking why most posts are about the USA well apparently half the users are from the USA.

If we had a car forum and 70% of the users owned Chevy then most posts would probably be about Chevies doesn’t mean ford owners wouldn’t be welcomed

I’ve been told just cause whites suffer doesn’t lessen blacks suffering
Same would seem to apply to aspie men vs aspie women no?
Run a poll asking who’s unsuccessful single and what gender they are and you’ll see
We’ve had such in the past and most are men.
Fluffy, dragon, and hurloam are the onelu women I can think of off my head who are unsuccessful single.
The others are married or in a relationship.
So many to list.
But in relationship men
Boo, ferret guy, Kraft and retro.

Women can mask their Autism and they do not have to be initiators in conversations. Being introverted, shy, quiet and being social awkward are regarded as cute in females but regarded as bad qualities in males. Males are expected to be risk takers, initiators, confident and approach women. Being an Aspie male I find it awkward and very difficult interacting with women. I am clueless in social situations, I can not read body language, I avoid eye contact when I do engage in conversations, robotic monotone voice, tone deaf, boring, no flow in conversation, long periods of awkward silence or I make weird/odd comments.

My post was in response to a guy who in another thread told me I can't possibly understand his problems because I am a female, and said he wouldn't even talk to me because of that. He also posts a lot of incel and redpill talking points about women and "attraction". That's the stuff I'm talking about, that makes women feel unwelcome, when guys say things like that to us.

This has not been my experience as an autistic woman at all. I am expected to be a social butterfly, and people reject me when they realize I am introverted and not socially oriented and fluent like women are supposed to be. Please don't speak to autistic women's experiences as you haven't lived them, but we have. You can talk about your own problems all you want, but don't talk about what things are like for autistic women because you can't speak for us, and when you try you get it wrong like you did here.

I'm sure I'm not the only autistic woman reading this thread who has been shunned for being awkward and introverted. I don't know where you guys get the idea that people think the awkwardness of autistic women is "cute" and so they just let us be weird and have no problem with it. That's not how it works at all.

Women are supposed to be social initiators and coordinators, we're the ones in families that schedule play dates and holiday and dinner parties and grease all the social wheels necessary to make those sort of things happen. We're supposed to be good at reading people, good at showing the right kind of empathetic gestures, good at expressing the right body language and knowing when and how to hug people and all that stuff. But because autistic women tend to struggle with these things, many of our social difficulties stem from our inability to live up to these NT gender expectations. That's certainly been my experience. And I've read similar sentiments expressed by other autistic women on here before, so I know I'm not alone in that experience, either.

Masking doesn't make it easier. It's just a front. Underneath we are trying to constantly asses the situation and figure out what is expected of us and what we are meant to do and say.

I wish we didn't need to do the initiating, but that's not true either. Women must make it clear that they are interested in a man or he won't ask them out. It's frustrating as a woman. The social dance is that you don't directly ask. Shy girls don't get asked out. They are seen as dull and boring and sexually unavailable.

Men don't seem to like it when I jump in too soon and ask them out. I mean I do invite single men to things, but it's when I tell them that I'm more interested in them than just being friends that they recoil.

Wel I don’t think most want to make women feel unwelcome as I’d hope most women here don’t want to make men leave. We just want to be able to share our experiences with out being doubted or called liars.
I’ve been told in past why sharing my experiences makes women feel unwelcomed and so I should be exiled. If aspie men aren’t welcomed here where will we be? I’d bet the violent incel forums would accept us but what good would that do. I wouldn’t go there but other exiled aspie men might then get sucked into it. I think it’s important that Everyone be welcome and that means people will be uncomfortable at stones as others won’t share the same experiences or ideas

Both men and women flirt which is letting them know their interested, so either gender could initiate
Initiating is walking up and asking out not flirting.

To say what women here say to me a lot
You just haven’t met the right man:p
I’d be fine with a woman asking me out
It’ll never happen though and I can’t ask women out, so it’s a life of solitude for me

Do you have a bad breath.

Frankly, I still find it extremely odd that no man you asked out would take the opportunity. There's a great disturbance in the force.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 20 Dec 2018, 4:08 am, edited 1 time in total.