SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
09 Jun 2019, 8:36 pm
09 Jun 2019, 9:18 pm
10 Jun 2019, 6:38 am
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,714
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
10 Jun 2019, 6:58 am
10 Jun 2019, 7:04 am
nick007
Veteran
Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,714
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA
10 Jun 2019, 7:10 am
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
10 Jun 2019, 9:41 am
cyberdad wrote:
I think he was anticipating meeting you and his hormones might have been "juicing" (sorry if that comes across icky) so that might explain his request to see "revealing" pictures of you.
I think most men will say things to make a connection with you (and any other girl) online but that's not always a bad thing, they just want "a foot in your door" so that you give them a chance.
But I think the messaging from this guy indicates things have gone really sour (not to mention his inappropriate statements) and it's hard to see any chance of resurrecting whatever feelings you had for him at the beginning.
It's up to you but this is okcupid (not tinder) so he really should understand that a relationship comes first and not sex. If he is unable to comprehend this then he probably also has poor emotional regulation.
I think most men will say things to make a connection with you (and any other girl) online but that's not always a bad thing, they just want "a foot in your door" so that you give them a chance.
But I think the messaging from this guy indicates things have gone really sour (not to mention his inappropriate statements) and it's hard to see any chance of resurrecting whatever feelings you had for him at the beginning.
It's up to you but this is okcupid (not tinder) so he really should understand that a relationship comes first and not sex. If he is unable to comprehend this then he probably also has poor emotional regulation.
He was requesting photos after the first or second day, so that would make sense. He also said a lot of “inappropriate” things I tried to see past that, looking back, I shouldn’t have tried to see past (they weren’t in the pictures I posted here). It would be more understandable if I had known him for longer, but I think when he said things like that from the start, it’s a sign he might not have wanted a proper relationship.
red_doghubb wrote:
This guy is not sweet, or just awkward, or well intentioned, or misunderstood. This guy is manipulative, controlling, creepy, emotionally unhinged, emotionally/mentally abusive, and probably physically abusive. You don't need to feel sorry, guilty, or that you must respond.
I am telling you, as one woman to another, with experience, this man is dangerous.
You've blocked him, which is great, don't unblock him.
I am telling you, as one woman to another, with experience, this man is dangerous.
You've blocked him, which is great, don't unblock him.
Thanks.
This has helped me feel much better about it. I would never unblock him, and I can imagine what it would be like if I did, and I know I would want to block him again straight away. I’ve realised yesterday and today that I never should have unblocked him the first time I did it (about the third day I was talking to him) and I’m glad I never met him.nick007 wrote:
guys who are just awkward are considered creepy by some women. Also some guys who are well intentioned are very protective of romantic partners & could be considered controlling by some women but others find them sweet. My 2nd girlfriend found me controlling but my current finds me sweet. I do think in this case the guy was bad but I hate how some guys with those traits are autocratically considered & treated like scum-bag potential rapists.
I’ve read a lot of posts by those types of men on forums and had a few online friends who were like that from what they told me, and it’s different. They’re not the ones I would think of as “creepy” or “controlling.” I think it depends on what type of things they say and which behaviour they would want to control. If they wanted to change something about you or tell you not to paint your nails anymore (for example) that might be controlling. Being protective would be a good thing, and it shows you care. Tracking someone with a GPS device would be going too far, and that wouldn’t be okay (I’ve read about that happening).
10 Jun 2019, 9:45 am
SilentJessica wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
I think he was anticipating meeting you and his hormones might have been "juicing" (sorry if that comes across icky) so that might explain his request to see "revealing" pictures of you.
I think most men will say things to make a connection with you (and any other girl) online but that's not always a bad thing, they just want "a foot in your door" so that you give them a chance.
But I think the messaging from this guy indicates things have gone really sour (not to mention his inappropriate statements) and it's hard to see any chance of resurrecting whatever feelings you had for him at the beginning.
It's up to you but this is okcupid (not tinder) so he really should understand that a relationship comes first and not sex. If he is unable to comprehend this then he probably also has poor emotional regulation.
I think most men will say things to make a connection with you (and any other girl) online but that's not always a bad thing, they just want "a foot in your door" so that you give them a chance.
But I think the messaging from this guy indicates things have gone really sour (not to mention his inappropriate statements) and it's hard to see any chance of resurrecting whatever feelings you had for him at the beginning.
It's up to you but this is okcupid (not tinder) so he really should understand that a relationship comes first and not sex. If he is unable to comprehend this then he probably also has poor emotional regulation.
He was requesting photos after the first or second day, so that would make sense. He also said a lot of “inappropriate” things I tried to see past that, looking back, I shouldn’t have tried to see past (they weren’t in the pictures I posted here). It would be more understandable if I had known him for longer, but I think when he said things like that from the start, it’s a sign he might not have wanted a proper relationship.
red_doghubb wrote:
This guy is not sweet, or just awkward, or well intentioned, or misunderstood. This guy is manipulative, controlling, creepy, emotionally unhinged, emotionally/mentally abusive, and probably physically abusive. You don't need to feel sorry, guilty, or that you must respond.
I am telling you, as one woman to another, with experience, this man is dangerous.
You've blocked him, which is great, don't unblock him.
I am telling you, as one woman to another, with experience, this man is dangerous.
You've blocked him, which is great, don't unblock him.
Thanks.
This has helped me feel much better about it. I would never unblock him, and I can imagine what it would be like if I did, and I know I would want to block him again straight away. I’ve realised yesterday and today that I never should have unblocked him the first time I did it (about the third day I was talking to him) and I’m glad I never met him.nick007 wrote:
guys who are just awkward are considered creepy by some women. Also some guys who are well intentioned are very protective of romantic partners & could be considered controlling by some women but others find them sweet. My 2nd girlfriend found me controlling but my current finds me sweet. I do think in this case the guy was bad but I hate how some guys with those traits are autocratically considered & treated like scum-bag potential rapists.
I’ve read a lot of posts by those types of men on forums and had a few online friends who were like that from what they told me, and it’s different. They’re not the ones I would think of as “creepy” or “controlling.” I think it depends on what type of things they say and which behaviour they would want to control. If they wanted to change something about you or tell you not to paint your nails anymore (for example) that might be controlling. Being protective would be a good thing, and it shows you care. Tracking someone with a GPS device would be going too far, and that wouldn’t be okay (I’ve read about that happening).
consider this as a dry run, an exercise, that will make you more aware and stronger the next time you encounter someone like this
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,103
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
10 Jun 2019, 2:40 pm
Was he that much handsome to the point you couldn't see what was going on? 
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
10 Jun 2019, 10:54 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Was he that much handsome to the point you couldn't see what was going on?
That was probably part of it.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,103
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
10 Jun 2019, 11:13 pm
11 Jun 2019, 3:12 am
11 Jun 2019, 5:57 pm
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
11 Jun 2019, 8:47 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
This is so predictable.
I still care more about personality, which is why I “passed” everyone on the website except for about four or five.
cyberdad wrote:
I think for some weird reason the OPs story reminds me of a Billy Joel song
She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind
She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me
She can lead you to love, she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth but she'll never believe you
And she'll take what you give her as long as it's free
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind
And she'll promise you more than the garden of Eden
Then she'll carelessly cut you and laugh while you're bleeding
But she brings out the best and the worst you can be
Blame it all on yourself 'cause she's always a woman to me
Oh, she takes care of herself, she can wait if she wants
She's ahead of her time
Oh, she never gives out and she never gives in
She just changes her mind
She is frequently kind and she's suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases, she's nobody's fool
But she can't be convicted, she's earned her degree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me
It does sound sort of like it. I don’t want to be like that again, so I’ll learn from what happened and be more careful.
MaxE wrote:
@SilentJessica have you considered getting involved in Special Olympics? You might qualify. It would be a safe place to meet new people of both sexes. Living in the same city as you, perhaps @cyberdad might know something about local activities.
I don’t play any sports, but thanks.
I’m going to wait until I’ve worked on myself and my problems before I try to find someone, which I know I should have done to start with now I’ve thought about it more.
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,103
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
12 Jun 2019, 12:30 am
SilentJessica
Velociraptor
Joined: 15 Aug 2016
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 405
Location: Melbourne, Australia
12 Jun 2019, 12:55 am
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