Don't get it if teenager girls start to flirt with me.

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The Alpha-Beta thing is a bunch of crap. I agree. Women who were into macho men when young tend to tire of them really quickly.

Yes, you have your stupid old coots, set in their stupid old ways. Those are the worst idiots—because they should know better.

Most of my friends are women in their 30s, and my love interest since 5.5 years is 37. So, it's not exactly only in the romantic context that I prefer younger people. I have a lot of guys 50+ at work, and they bore me to death about their daily activity.

Besides, if you look 15, then you should not agree to the prejudice that guys should ignore teenagers since you look like one. That would scare away guys in their 30s from wanting to flirt with you.

As I wrote before, I seldom flirt with teenagers or girls in their 20s nowadays, but it happened from time to time while I was in my 40s. Still, I would not pass on the opportunity.



Not for me. I never had a one-night-stand, so the idea of having sex with somebody I flirted with just never occurred.

I agree, but some ND men (and women too) fail to find their ideal partner while younger, and I don't think it's a bad thing to continue searching while older, which for men typically implies searching for younger women.

No it just makes me wary of strange weirdo men who flirt with me. I'm ok with it once someone knows my age and intellect and is themselves in their early 30s/late 20s.

I wouldn't flirt with someone unless I wanted to take it to a sexual and relationship level.

I've had creeps flirting with me since I was 13. A lot of girls have. Women talk about this stuff and how scared/objectified they felt and how they had to act interested in order to keep him acting positively towards them (rather than in a violent way) and how he's obviously a bit disturbed if he's in his 50s and going towards teenagers so the main thing is getting out safely.

If someone is flirting with a 15 yo or someone they think is 15, of course I'm going to be prejudiced against him, he's a criminal or wannabe criminal. Even 16-18 is in absolute creep territory, it might be legal but that's only because we don't have Romeo and Juliet laws in the UK.

I just don't believe women and men necessarily "lose their looks" when they get older than, say, 30.

I believe this is a most fallacious notion which is espoused, mostly, by people under 30.

I wonder what happened when the "don't trust anybody over 30" folks became over 30 themselves....

I don't think they 'lose their looks' per se.

I think boys become handsome rather than pretty at about 25. There are some exceptions but hardly any in the real, non famous world. This is known as a sort of ending of puberty/second puberty in which the young man becomes more of a man than a boy, it gives a rugged appearance which a lot of women are into but is handsome not pretty. Lips start to thin out around then as well. Essentially, the natural androgyny of youth - which was the subject of a lot of homoerotic paintings in the Renaissance - is lost.

I prefer pretty to handsome so I date like a Kinsey 6 even though I'm around a Kinsey 4 or 5. If I found it ethical, I could easily get a rosy cheeked, tight bottomed effeminate boy. But what could we talk about? A relationship isn't just sex. Maybe this is what it's coming down to, I see flirting as something done for the purpose of acquiring a relationship. Maybe one thing about me which isn't tomboyish.

I do think that to a young person, an older person looks like they've lost their looks. They start to look more like someone who could be a parent's, or even in some of these cases a grandparent's, friend than a potential partner. It doesn't happen the other way around but most older people have enough self awareness and empathy to think 'that could be my friend's kid'/'that could be my kid's friend'/'that's my nephew's age' etc.

I find it really creepy and invasive that some guys might think I'm underage and it not concern them. That's paedo territory. Don't go after anyone under the age of consent, that's a hard no. People who do that sort of crime are even beaten up in prison because even gang members and thieves think they're immoral.

I just don't think we mean the same thing with flirting given all the strange things you write.

The girls I typically flirt with are NDs, and many of them seem to experience this for the first time and so are really starved form being flirted with in a natural way. So, if more guys their own age cared to act more naturally instead of trying to learn to attract NTs, then they might be more successful.

My friend:

You have to understand that there are some people here who have been taken advantage of when they were younger. Sometimes rather severely.

Some of this abuse has been perpetrated by whose who use the technique of "flirtation." And they sometimes claim some sort of psychic ability.

I don't believe you are a person of that type---let me emphasize that. I believe you are seeking alternative ways of relating to people, and of romancing people, which is not of the conventional, NT mode.

It's just that "perception can be as real as reality." You can be perceived wrongly, because your "natural flirtation" can seem similar to that "flirtation" which is practiced by people who seek to take advantage of other people.

Look at it from the viewpoint of those who have suffered at the hands of predators.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 26 Jun 2019, 9:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

I kinda agree about the alpha & beta stuff & I also do think it's great if two Aspies get together. However it's pretty hard for Aspie guys to find & get Aspie girlfriends. Aspergers has little awareness in some areas & Aspergers is diagnosed 4x more in men than women so lots of Aspie women probably don't even know they have it which would mean they are less of them on Aspie related stuff(for example online Aspie things like this forum & offline support groups). Plus from what I've seen on this forum there are much less Aspie women interested in Aspie guys than Aspie guys interested in Aspie women. Aspergers is thought by some to be an extreme male brain which would mean it would be easier for an Aspie women to relate to NT guys than Aspie guys relating to NT women. Plus the social roles in dating are different. NT guys tend to be more OK with a woman not having her sh!t together in life than NT women are of guys. NT guys tend to like inexperienced women with relationship stuff & life stuff than NT women are of inexperienced guys. I used some dating sites for Aspies & the legitimate 1s had 10x more men than women. I've been VERY lucky that my 2nd & current girlfriend are on the spectrum, however I know from my experience that Aspies can be very different from each other. For example my 2nd had gender issues & wished she was a man; from things I've seen in various places online including this forum Aspie women wish they were men more than Aspie guys wish they were women maybe cuz of the extreme male brain thing I mentioned. Also my 2nd girlfriend was very independent or wanted to be & even thou she was 9 years younger than me our relationship was kinda one-sided(her side). My current girlfriend doesn't conform to the stereotypical woman but she's OK with being a woman for the most part just like I don't conform to the stereotypical man but am OK with being a man for the most part. She's also more dependent & likes affection more & needs/wants less alone time within a relationship & I'm the same way compared to lots of Aspie guys so me & her are a much better match.

No one is “starved” from not being flirted with. Flirting is not a need.

Some people need a social outlet but that doesn’t have to be filled by flirting.

Exactly this!

If a young girl has been victimized, she is going to be extremely uncomfortable if you try to flirt with her.

Lots of people are uncomfortable when someone they don’t know well tries to flirt with them. They don’t know if the person is just flirting or if he’s interested in something else.

I think that what is called flirting is to attempt to hook up with somebody. It should be referred to as hookup and not flirting. To me, flirting is eye contact at a distance.

I have an now adult daughter, and I've witnessed really creepy hookup attempts, but this is not flirting. It's just creepy hookup.

Eye contact at a distance is just healthy social interaction. There shouldn't be an age limit on that or a sex limit. It shouldn't be limited to who you find attractive. Maybe in this paranoid society, don't make eye contact with kids (make it with their parents, I'm talking about little kids who are with their parents) but everyone else you should try to make eye contact with.

To me flirting means making it obvious you're sexually attracted to someone. I don't see the point in that unless you want either sex or a relationship. And there is no healthy way to do that with someone who is underage unless you are either underage yourself or just past underage (I'm talking about myself at 17 having a 15 yo boyfriend. Not someone who is 'only 50').

It's only social interaction when done during a conversation. I mean doing it at a distance, and without talking to somebody. That's not something NTs do as part of social interaction. It can be done when you sit with a group of NDs too, but only because it's possible to notice if an ND girl does that as part of flirting and not as part of social interaction with the group.
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NTs do this as part of flirting to. Once I entered the dance floor with my wife a young women was looking at my eyes while I had a good mood and because of this I gave her a nice smile. She pretended to be drunken afterwards for getting randomly in touch with me the whole evening. After all I think I should have taken her. She was younger and more beautiful than my wife and had a big real crush on me.


The problem is that I don't really get the emotional expectations in most situations. It's like someone deaf is invited to dance but doesn't hears the music.
Not the women are the problem - many of them are really nice to me. Like today. Two attractive girls about 20 entered the bus. The first ignored me. But her friend did like me gave me a seducing smile and rubbed her big and firm breasts in a nice way on me while passing me. She seemed to be a bit proud of them and was right with it. So why not?

Are you sure you aren’t imagining the flirting? Most women don’t go around rubbing themselves on other people. Sometimes they can accidentally brush against someone when they are trying to walk through a narrow passageway (like buses tend to have) or through a crowd. I would never dream of intentionally exhibiting such behavior, and I don’t think most women would, either.

So you should’ve slept with a girl because she was younger and more beautiful than your wife?

It’s posts like this that make me think that I should stay single...forevermore.