I'm 18 And I've Never Been On A Date

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24 Dec 2019, 7:47 pm

^ This. But I'm never listened to whenever I say it to aspies. They can't read social cues and can't see IRL who is attracted to them, so they assume they're unattractive. I've said it here before, my ex who wasn't bad looking, I remember this pretty blonde woman eyeing him up, she saw me look at her and realised I was with him, then she looked down as if to say, "Sorry. My mistake" and moved away. My ex was always complaining about how nobody liked him. None of the aspies who had trouble with attraction were ever interested in being taught body language skills from me nor learning it for themselves. When I was a teenager I had the opportunity to be taught in real time as well as just reading books, and I jumped at it. I learnt a lot. Why didn't they want to??

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24 Dec 2019, 7:51 pm

smudge wrote:

Because they've already convinced themselves it's useless because they're ugly and no one would look anyways. (Except for the folks who do look, but I digress...)

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24 Dec 2019, 7:56 pm

Reading body language to me was similar in concept to learning to read peoples' minds. Why wouldn't a socially clueless aspie want that kind of "inside knowledge"?

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24 Dec 2019, 7:57 pm

smudge wrote:

Reading body language to me was similar in concept to learning to read peoples' minds. Why wouldn't a socially clueless aspie want that kind of "inside knowledge"?

I'm with you on that, but maybe we need to ask someone who doesn't value that skill and the knowledge it gains? :nerdy:

I don't know anyone, how about you?

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24 Dec 2019, 8:08 pm

funeralxempire wrote:

smudge wrote:

Reading body language to me was similar in concept to learning to read peoples' minds. Why wouldn't a socially clueless aspie want that kind of "inside knowledge"?

I'm with you on that, but maybe we need to ask someone who doesn't value that skill and the knowledge it gains? :nerdy:

I don't know anyone, how about you?

I'm guessing the aspies who know the value and knowledge of it have already gone out there to gain it. I knew one aspie who had the talking and body language sorted out. He got a wife and now has three kids. He never had trouble dating or making friends. I think the main key to talking IRL is vibes. That one is hard.

As for teaching, I think a person has to want to be taught. Which kind of ties in with the above - they're already in the process of finding out. But yeh, how comes we never bump into them here, who are still in the learning process?

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24 Dec 2019, 8:11 pm

smudge wrote:

As for teaching, I think a person has to want to be taught. Which kind of ties in with the above - they're already in the process of finding out. But yeh, how comes we never bump into them here, who are still in the learning process?

Think about when you're a child and growing, how often to you perceive it? We're all in that learning process, some of us are just less aware of it than others.

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24 Dec 2019, 10:34 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

AprilR wrote:

Me neither and i'm almost 30. I don't think i am the sort of person tht can go on dates anyway.

a woman who is almost 30 and never had a boyfriend? the last thing you would expect to happen to a woman, since women aren't expected to do the pursuing.

Haha, well there were people who hit on me before though but they were the too insistent and dominating kind. So i kind of rejected them.

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25 Dec 2019, 5:17 am

dragonsanddemons wrote:

a woman who is almost 30 and never had a boyfriend? the last thing you would expect to happen to a woman, since women aren't expected to do the pursuing.

My AS-like BFF was 30 and never had had a date. Vibes go both ways. She made it a Focus, e.g. read books on the Art of Conversation and then had progress.

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25 Dec 2019, 6:07 am

Tbh i don't think i need to make progress, i converse easily with people too but most men i've talked with are horribly sexist, homophobic you name it. (i'm middle eastern) Even the most modern men here see women as potential housekeepers and Mothers. I wouldn't be able to take care of a child at all i can barely take care of myself.
I don't think i would be this way if i were to live in the West.

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25 Dec 2019, 6:55 am

My problem with learning skills is that my mind is ret*d & can only process one thing at a time.I cant follow a conversation if I'm paying attention to others body language & if I'm paying attention to the vibes I'm giving off I'm completely oblivious to everything else around me.

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25 Dec 2019, 8:51 am

I don’t actually believe you are “ret*d,” Nick.

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25 Dec 2019, 8:51 am

Even the men in your law firm are like that, April?

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25 Dec 2019, 9:36 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

Even the men in your law firm are like that, April?

Lmao, our law firm consists of 4 people so i don't have much of a choice. One of them is married and the other basically flirts with anyone. Most people my age are already married with children anyway.

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25 Dec 2019, 1:19 pm

SharonB wrote:

dragonsanddemons wrote:

a woman who is almost 30 and never had a boyfriend? the last thing you would expect to happen to a woman, since women aren't expected to do the pursuing.

My AS-like BFF was 30 and never had had a date. Vibes go both ways. She made it a Focus, e.g. read books on the Art of Conversation and then had progress.

BFF, as in, best friend?

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25 Dec 2019, 2:33 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:

BFF, as in, best friend?

Yes, sorry to not explain. Using the term makes me feel young and fierce and I am neither. :wink:

(I looked up the slang term "fierce" online; I originally used "hip" b/c I was trying to avoid "cool".)

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25 Dec 2019, 3:07 pm

this reminds me, I saw a comment posted on another forum lately, it sounded very rude and dismissive, it was said to someone else, but at the same time, I emphathized with the guy due to his dating struggles, I got very mad when this other guy made this comment towards him, he said "what are you gonna do? try to become president and enact a law that women have to approach men?"

Gosh I wanted to hit him so hard.

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