Girls losing interest making me feel suicidal

Post Reply New Topic

So, your life meaning revolves around having a girlfriend.

Why not invest in yourself and other people?
Do you have family and friends that you can assist?
I have my pet animals to give me joy and comfort.

I'd work on your self-confidence and self-esteem.
Those will get you through life nicely.

Well isn’t having a girlfriend a big part of life correct me if I am mistaken?

Of course, it is.
Evolution has made us this way.
But to talk about suicide because you can't find a partner, *yet*, is over the top extreme.

Focus on improving yourself.
Self-respect/esteem and self-confidence attracts people to you.
Desperation does not.

Not everyone finds a soulmate in life.
That is the cruel reality.
But it isn't the end of the world.
Well, it shouldn't be.

Let's talk about it in 10 years time.
I wouldn't be surprised if you met someone special, got married, had kids, and *then* got a divorce, lose half your finances and make you wonder if it really was worth all the effort and heartache.

I've been ignored, so I want to make myself clear

It is not at all reasonable or logical or even a "good idea" to involve yourself with something as unstable as a relationship, especially if you're putting so much emotional stock into the achievement of "having a girlfriend." What happens if you do get a girlfriend? Do you intend on putting your (obvious) emotional distress on this woman? On this person that you only just started becoming emotionally close to? You seem to be putting a lot of stock into that one narrow goal, so will you be ok with taking things slow (as it should be), or will you burn yourself out via infatuation because you are so ecstatic that you accomplished said narrow achievement? An achievement that you want so much that you bet your LIFE on it. Then what happens if it doesn't work out at all? It is morally and ethically irresponsible to do this to yourself.

I beg you to listen.

I have the same problem. I have never had a third date. Or a date in a long time. I am not even dateable anymore.

Dating with women is not something that comes easy to aspie men.

Women’s nature is to date many different men a little bit and then move on. The women who were interested in you were probably seeking short dating experiences with many different men to begin with and that is why you ended up with them in the first place.

I notice a pattern with aspies feeling despair after they turn 30 and seeing that their hopes to have intimidate and dating will probably not actually happen, and when you are younger you are OK waiting and doing nothing as you still have some hope and you want to catch up to your peers. You realize you will never catch up with socializing and dating and education and employment and you feel terribly mistreated by life.


This guy D. was briefly attending my Aspergers support group. He advocated visiting escorts and strip clubs. He wrote a book about his aspies struggles and how intimacy is impossible for him due to this. He ended up committing suicide when he was 31 years old.

I found out by googling his name and reading the obituary and figuring out in between the lines that he killed himself due to despair that he will never be able to date and have intimacy with women. He had a bad experience in high school where a girl complained to the principal and the police because he sent her gifts to her house and he was doing it as a romantic gesture. It shocked him a lot. I wish he did not commit suicide because I would have common things to talk about.

Another guy from my Aspergers group who was interested in girls and dating also seems to have overdosed and died.. he was addicted to adderall and Valium and it think he overdosed because he was takin large amounts and he had a male nurse assigned to him making weekly visits so I’m guessing he was officially addicted. He stopped posting in 2018 or replying to emails which makes me believe he overdosed. I have not found an obituary for him, although there is someone with same name but different picture for whom there is one around same time he stopped posting.

You can commit suicide or not, suicide will just make your current life miss out on opportunities available had you continued to live your natural life, all people will die and your friend and relatives will eventually die as you move through the life span.

You should try to make the best productive and enjoyable life you can. Look for a non traditional woman or let the woman find you. You can sometimes find a woman through forums. You should do something fun and have your life in order as that attracts a certain kind of woman as well.

But to answer your question, you cannot have a normal dating life and relationship with a woman as an aspie man in my opinion. My dad found a pretty woman who likes him even though he aspie, but he is optimistic and never wants to commit suicide and he is handy around the house.

Any advice for if the only kind of women your family will accept are normal/traditional?

Tell your family your partner is not their business.
Seriously, controlling romantic life of one's adult relative (unless spouse of course ) is considered abuse.

Your best bet is a religious woman or an unpopular slightly overweight woman.. but dating and marrying a woman your family doesn’t approve of is a reality for MOST NT men too - my uncles mom cried because she thought his wife was old and ugly and bad for him and she hates her.. my cousin’s husband has a mom who hates her so much she won’t even talk to her or visit her ever.. my dads parents never liked my mom but my mom hated my dad though.. my grandmother hated both my moms husband and my aunts husband because one was AS and the other is abusive.. very rare that parents approve of a partner of their children in the NT world.

You can’t control all these things. Ultimately you either have a woman who overlooks your strange behaviors and your neglect of her emotionally or you won’t have a woman. I advise to workout and keep clean apartment and shower and dress well and keep focus on your finances. Just because you are single and always been is not a reason to make yourself undatable because you have started neglecting your life interests and finances (like I ended up doing).

To the OP, I would recommend getting professional help to address the suicidal thoughts.

Almost all men go through phases where they are rejected so its actually a life skill (among many) that you just need to reconcile is a reality.

We all cope with rejection (including women) its just part of life.

I'm sure I won't have to worry about emotionally neglecting her As for dating an unpopular slightly overweight woman, considering the woman below is roughly my family's minimum beauty standard, that's a tall order

A little bit off-topic here,
But doesn't everyone go through a time where they *have* been suicidal?
If not, you aren't doing life right.

But seriously,
Whos hasn't felt suicidal at one point in their life?
Do I have to make a poll?
I'll do it,
You know I will.

If your famil is so picky and controlling about your potential love interest, they should go for arranged marriage for you Otherwise, it's not their damned business who you date.

My apologies for jumping the gun and concluding that then.

I guess I've just had enough people try to invalidate my issues and tell me they're not a big deal, or they're not what I think they are, to where I have my guard up about that sort of thing. When somebody says their suicidality is a consequence of their desolate love-life and another person suggests that probably isn't the case, my assumption is that the other person can't relate at all to the first person's plight and dismisses it as "not a big deal" as a result.


Thanks KK. What are you referring to when you say "equipment"?

Lack of access would necessarily have to be part of the problem, but I was around women in my age range up until I dropped out of university when I was almost 20, which has only been one third of the timespan that I've really been interested in relationships. Furthermore it's not like I never meet women my age nowadays, though it is definitely a rare enough occurrence to factor in as part of the problem. I'd also tried online dating for many years and pretty much all I got out of it was more depressed by how brutally unsuccessful I was at it.

I think my dating issues are multifaceted. Lack of access is part of the equation, but so is asperger's-related awkwardness and social deficits, as well as my appearance. Maybe women think I'm boring as well.

I meant your mind, mostly, when I said “equipment.”

What’s wrong with your appearance? You look like a man who’s into muscle cars—nothing wrong with that. Or like some guy from ZZ Top. Nothing wrong with that, either. A “normal” sort of guy from many parts of the USA.

I understand why you dropped out from university—but I wish you would have graduated.

I don't know what you had to go through when you were my age, but you also don't know what I have to go through.

It's quite possible that you had it worse when you were my age, but even if you did, that doesn't detract from what I'm dealing with, or alleviate my turmoil in any way. I acknowledge that my situation could be worse, but that doesn't erase the severe discontentment I'm facing with it as it is now.

When I was hit by a car and had my femur broken, the knowledge that I could have broken multiple other bones along with it or even have ended up dead didn't alleviate the pain I was in.



If you're referring specifically to my response to magz, I addressed that in my post above. If you're referring generally to my attitude about the situation I find myself in, getting to experience what it's like to genuinely be in love is something that's been very important to me for over a decade, and the discrepancy between my desires and the reality available to me is irreconcilable.

This reality is showing no signs of changing, and I know myself and my situation well enough to understand that never being able to experience what it's like to be in love, and in a relationship (especially if I'm the odd one out in that sense wherever I go) is going to cast a shadow over whatever joy I can squeeze out of my existence in such a way that pain and suffering is always going to dominate my life.

I'm never going to be able to get over it, and I'm never going to be able to move on. Even if I could, I wouldn't want to, because I've invested so much mental and emotional energy into the pursuit of finding a partner, and getting to experience what it's like to be in love is something that I care so much about that I'd rather die now than live out the rest of my natural life in the absence of ever getting to experience it.

You asked the OP if his life revolves around having a girlfriend, and I think that's a pertinent question to my situation, so I'm going to answer it from my perspective.

I think it's possible for me to be satisfied without currently having a romantic partner if I'd had at least one decent relationship in the past, but not while my level of romantic experience scarcely surpasses that of a newborn baby. I've thought about it a lot, and while I do want a romantic relationship a fair bit, I think what I really crave is being in love, mutual infatuation, the honeymoon phase, etc.

So to answer the question, I don't think my life revolves around having a girlfriend, but I think there's a strong case to be made that my life revolves around getting to experience what it's like to be in love.


I'll let you be the judge of that.