Is it possible to not be cut out for dating?

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Fnord
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19 Aug 2020, 1:19 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You are probably confusing between ND and NT; by ND he means women with Asperger’s; which is a rare condition after all.

You could be correct ... I've been outside most of the morning, and I've just barely re-hydrated.

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The_Face_of_Boo
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19 Aug 2020, 4:08 pm

Fnord wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

You are probably confusing between ND and NT; by ND he means women with Asperger’s; which is a rare condition after all.

You could be correct ... I've been outside most of the morning, and I've just barely re-hydrated.

Well, you're a lizard-man after all.

WantToHaveALife
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25 Feb 2021, 3:54 am

i've always hated it whenever people say "there is someone for everyone"

Outsider85
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25 Feb 2021, 4:44 am

Especially when it is more difficult to find them. This is harder than it needs to be.

Mona Pereth
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25 Feb 2021, 6:15 am

Outsider85 wrote:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B01LYVS7D2?psc=1&ref=ppx_pop_mob_b_asin_image. That is what it looks like.

She was a tomboy. My psychiatrist says that if a guy does that for a lady, she thinks that there is a strings attached and a favor is owed. Do you follow?

Yes, and furthermore, unless you know her well enough to be very familiar with her taste in clothing, she might not like the dress. I agree with your psychiatrist that buying her a dress was probably not a good idea.

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Mona Pereth
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25 Feb 2021, 6:17 am

BenderRodriguez wrote:

My experience: if you pay attention to the personal style, preferences and body type/size of the person the gift is for, they really appreciate both the gift and the gesture. Some of my wife's favourite lingerie and clothes were picked by me.

This was after you had been married for a while?

BenderRodriguez wrote:

Rule of thumb with any gift: prioritise what they like.

Sure, if you know the person well enough to know what they like. That's not possible in the early phases of getting to know someone.

Outsider85
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25 Feb 2021, 6:24 am

I didn’t know that then. I do now. Tomorrow would be our five year dating anniversary. We have been apart for three years this June. On Father’s Day.

WantToHaveALife
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01 Mar 2021, 10:20 pm

Outsider85 wrote:

I didn’t know that then. I do now. Tomorrow would be our five year dating anniversary. We have been apart for three years this June. On Father’s Day.

how did you meet her?

Outsider85
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02 Mar 2021, 4:51 am

Okcupid.com. Why?

Pepe
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02 Mar 2021, 4:56 am

Is it possible to not be cut out for dating?

Yes.

Outsider85
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02 Mar 2021, 5:07 am

How does one cope with the loneliness of this situation? It does get lonely after a while.

KT67
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02 Mar 2021, 5:24 am

I'm not cut out for it.

And I don't feel loneliness except for tangible people who I lack any access to.

So, the dead, children (now adults) I left behind in childhood/who left me behind in childhood and pets.

I know we're all wired differently but between meeting friends and family irl, texts, wattsapp, social media, forums like this one, books, YouTube, online articles, magazines, newspapers etc... I don't understand where loneliness would come in.

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KT67
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02 Mar 2021, 5:28 am

rdos wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Socialization, focus on having male friends who will surely have female friends too.

Many single ND women don't have a lot of friends (just like many ND men don't either), so I don't think this is a useful approach to get to know ND women. I think activities that attract ND women will be far better.

Yes. Because they struggle socialising. Which in the real world without mindreading and other forms of magic, dating is an extreme form of.

It's like saying 'many dyspraxic children struggle to ride bikes with stabilisers so giving them bikes with stabilisers before you give them bikes without stabilisers is a bad idea'. Nah. If someone struggles with a bike with stabilisers (platonic friends) they're gonna struggle even more with a bike without stabilisers (dating). Just cos it's hard doesn't mean it's not the first step...

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rdos
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02 Mar 2021, 3:53 pm

KT67 wrote:

Yes. Because they struggle socialising. Which in the real world without mindreading and other forms of magic, dating is an extreme form of.

Exactly. Dating is an extreme form of NT socializing, and so aspies should avoid it since nothing good will come out of it.

KT67 wrote:

It's like saying 'many dyspraxic children struggle to ride bikes with stabilisers so giving them bikes with stabilisers before you give them bikes without stabilisers is a bad idea'. Nah. If someone struggles with a bike with stabilisers (platonic friends) they're gonna struggle even more with a bike without stabilisers (dating). Just cos it's hard doesn't mean it's not the first step...

Not because it is hard, but rather because it's useless. There is a big difference between those.

Aspies naturally dislike dating, which is pretty healthy given that it doesn't work for most.

And mind-to-mind communication doesn't work in the initial phases of getting to know somebody. It's something that you can hope to master with somebody that is compatible when you've known each other for a few years or so. However, if you use dating as a method, you will never get there since people don't date that long.

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02 Mar 2021, 3:59 pm

Outsider85 wrote:

How does one cope with the loneliness of this situation? It does get lonely after a while.

I haven't been depressed or lonely for over 30 years.
I find the tediousness and pointlessness of life tedious and pointless, though. :mrgreen:

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