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Is marrying certain groups frowned upon in your family?

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How does your family view marrying/dating certain groups?
Allowed without any restrictions 37%  37%  [ 10 ]
Allowed but certain groups preferable over others 19%  19%  [ 5 ]
Allowed but certain groups frowned upon 7%  7%  [ 2 ]
Greatly discouraged for certain groups 30%  30%  [ 8 ]
Forbidden 7%  7%  [ 2 ]
Total votes : 27

cyberdad
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30 May 2021, 11:11 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
But I am not entirely surely if they would like the idea of one of us marrying an African or east Asian, it never happened to find out.


In Arabic culture the name for blacks is Abedi which means slave doesn't it?


Kaffir is the one I've seen, but in some contexts it means infidel and doesn't have the racial implication (afaik).


When I was in Malaysia the term was applied to unbelievers of any colour which is it's literal meaning



Texasmoneyman300
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31 May 2021, 3:17 am

salad wrote:
I wanted to do a survey on WP and document the prevalence of how families are ok with/condemn the marrying/falling in love with those from certain groups or cultures.

In my family's culture marrying outside is very frowned upon, and ESPECIALLY if the person is darker skinned its a major stigma. The whiter skin and lighter features, the better, but god forbid if someone from my community married a darker skinned person, or even worse, an African American, there would be some hell raised....

Mind you I dont support it obviously, but this is how our culture is. Its backwards and racist and needs reform. Family is Palestinian btw.

What about in your family. Is there any opposition, stigma, barriers or any considerations made when marrying someone from another group, or is your family completely open minded and won't bat an eye no matter who you marry/date?

Marrying within the religion is the ideal in my family but its not mandatory for most of us.However, i think one of my family members has it as a rule now.



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31 May 2021, 3:27 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
salad wrote:
I wanted to do a survey on WP and document the prevalence of how families are ok with/condemn the marrying/falling in love with those from certain groups or cultures.

In my family's culture marrying outside is very frowned upon, and ESPECIALLY if the person is darker skinned its a major stigma. The whiter skin and lighter features, the better, but god forbid if someone from my community married a darker skinned person, or even worse, an African American, there would be some hell raised....

Mind you I dont support it obviously, but this is how our culture is. Its backwards and racist and needs reform. Family is Palestinian btw.

What about in your family. Is there any opposition, stigma, barriers or any considerations made when marrying someone from another group, or is your family completely open minded and won't bat an eye no matter who you marry/date?

Marrying within the religion is the ideal in my family but its not mandatory for most of us.However, i think one of my family members has it as a rule now.


I've heard of plenty of orthodox religious types who happily proclaim "you can't marry outside of their religion/race/clan" or whatever meet some busty buxom beauty and decide maybe their silly beliefs aren't that important after all....

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31 May 2021, 4:14 am

funeralxempire wrote:

Is Cenk Uygur white by most American's standards?

I would say so but again I don't think that affects anybody's opinion of him. For example, nobody would call Trevor Noah white but that doesn't mean he is held in low regard.


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31 May 2021, 4:19 am

salad wrote:
However, by definition 2 Turks can be white since according to geneticists who study Anatolia the actual Turkish gene contribution into Anatolia was minimal; yes most people living in Turkey today still have the same DNA from the original Hellenistic people who inhabited Anatolia. The Turks diffused their language, culture and religion more than they did their genes.

I think the same thing happened in Hungary i.e. Hungarian (along with Finnish and Estonian) has a Central Asian origin but I wouldn't go into a bar in Budapest and make remarks to suggest the clientele aren't white. Yeah they take such things quite seriously there.


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31 May 2021, 7:53 am

I should answer the OP question by pointing out that my wife has often insisted that my parents were disappointed in my choice of spouse because she is Jewish. This is probably due to some insensitive things my mother said once or twice, inspired by stereotypes to which she had been exposed growing up in NYC. My mother had zero EQ, in fact she had Jewish boyfriends when she was young and TBH if she had any negative feelings toward Jews it was probably somewhat due to unfriendly attitudes she encountered from those boyfriends' families. But in those days in NYC either you were Jewish or you were influenced by anti-Jewish stereotypes. Ironically, my in-laws never exhibited any misgivings about our marriage.

I may have tried to explain to my wife that the previous time I came anywhere near close to getting married, my parents were EXTREMELY hostile to the possibility and were a big factor in the outcome. They didn't actually hate my then-GF but hated the idea of the relationship and were eager for me to dump her.

Now our daughter-in-law's parents are both from China and I admit my wife has had some negative feelings towards her but mostly based on generational differences. However as the relationship has withstood the test of quite a bit of time, I think my wife is more positive now. It seems ironic to me to hear people my age say things about people in our children's generation that are so similar to thing our parents' generation said about ours.


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31 May 2021, 12:55 pm

I'm from the deep south but my parents are fairly liberal. I think my family is still kinda surprised that I have a girlfriend. They were probably expecting me to be single the rest of my life or possibly gay. I don't think my parents would really have a problem with my romantic partner as long as I wasn't with someone underage or being controlled by them, things were working out, & my parents were not having to support us. I think my parents are mostly happy I'm no longer living with them & it wouldn't really matter who I was with. I've always been a major outsider within my family. Their approval of my romantic partner means very little to me & I would chose my partner in a heartbeat over them if they did have a major problem. I haven't seen my parents in a couple years partly due to Covid & stuff going on in our lives. I do call my parents every week though & we email a little.


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31 May 2021, 1:11 pm

MaxE wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:

Is Cenk Uygur white by most American's standards?

I would say so but again I don't think that affects anybody's opinion of him. For example, nobody would call Trevor Noah white but that doesn't mean he is held in low regard.


I don't believe he would generally be considered as white. It's irrelevant to my question how that's viewed, I'm only pointing out that there's ethnic groups who straddle more than one 'racial group'.


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31 May 2021, 1:13 pm

cyberdad wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
But I am not entirely surely if they would like the idea of one of us marrying an African or east Asian, it never happened to find out.


In Arabic culture the name for blacks is Abedi which means slave doesn't it?


Kaffir is the one I've seen, but in some contexts it means infidel and doesn't have the racial implication (afaik).


When I was in Malaysia the term was applied to unbelievers of any colour which is it's literal meaning


If you're in South Africa it's the local version of the n-bomb, but yeah, like you say, in other places it's original meaning is all that's implied.


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31 May 2021, 2:55 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
MaxE wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:

Is Cenk Uygur white by most American's standards?

I would say so but again I don't think that affects anybody's opinion of him. For example, nobody would call Trevor Noah white but that doesn't mean he is held in low regard.


I don't believe he would generally be considered as white. It's irrelevant to my question how that's viewed, I'm only pointing out that there's ethnic groups who straddle more than one 'racial group'.

I really hate using this sort of terminology but one could argue Cenk is somewhat swarthy, compared to e.g. Mehmet Oz who may be the most widely recognized Turk in the US. But consider Ariana Grande who is of pure European ancestry AFAIK but would in the past have been described as "swarthy" by many.

I guess you'd have to take a poll.

BTW I hesitate to use the term "swarthy" and won't complain if the mods edit it out but I don't know how else to address the topic except possibly to suggest we totally abandon the question of who is or isn't white. Not something I would ordinarily debate.


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31 May 2021, 3:02 pm

MaxE wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
MaxE wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:

Is Cenk Uygur white by most American's standards?

I would say so but again I don't think that affects anybody's opinion of him. For example, nobody would call Trevor Noah white but that doesn't mean he is held in low regard.


I don't believe he would generally be considered as white. It's irrelevant to my question how that's viewed, I'm only pointing out that there's ethnic groups who straddle more than one 'racial group'.

I really hate using this sort of terminology but one could argue Cenk is somewhat swarthy, compared to e.g. Mehmet Oz who may be the most widely recognized Turk in the US. But consider Ariana Grande who is of pure European ancestry AFAIK but would in the past have been described as "swarthy" by many.

I guess you'd have to take a poll.

BTW I hesitate to use the term "swarthy" and won't complain if the mods edit it out but I don't know how else to address the topic except possibly to suggest we totally abandon the question of who is or isn't white. Not something I would ordinarily debate.


This is one of the things that caused my own perceptions of race to start to crumble. Someone who's of Sicilian or Greek ancestry is likely to be considered white, no matter their skintone. Someone who's Lebanese or Turkish or Syrian may or may not be viewed the same, but most likely determined by if they're a recent arrival or have been settled in the west for more than a generation.

If my brown Sicilian friend is white and my pale Egyptian friend isn't, maybe the term doesn't mean much.

If race is determined by phenotype why isn't phenotype the determining factor? If it isn't, why do we pretend so? People of varying phenotypes mix, they always have and they likely didn't consider things in the way we currently do because racial terms like white and black didn't exist until a few hundred years ago.


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31 May 2021, 3:25 pm

My family would go ballistic. My late grandfather had a deep dislike of Arab's and someone black would give a couple of family members " the big one". I'm gay and not out to extended family, I've decided it's better that way, I see them 2-3 times a year. Once my parents are no longer here, I doubt I will keep contact with them. My fathers side I have no contact at all with.


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31 May 2021, 4:24 pm

cyberdad wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
But I am not entirely surely if they would like the idea of one of us marrying an African or east Asian, it never happened to find out.


In Arabic culture the name for blacks is Abedi which means slave doesn't it?


Kaffir is the one I've seen, but in some contexts it means infidel and doesn't have the racial implication (afaik).


When I was in Malaysia the term was applied to unbelievers of any colour which is it's literal meaning


It’s the equivalent of the N word.
This popular marshmallow chocolate was called Ras el Abed decade ago which literally means Head of Slave.
Been renamed to “Tarboosh”

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31 May 2021, 4:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
cyberdad wrote:

In Arabic culture the name for blacks is Abedi which means slave doesn't it?


Kaffir is the one I've seen, but in some contexts it means infidel and doesn't have the racial implication (afaik).


When I was in Malaysia the term was applied to unbelievers of any colour which is it's literal meaning


It’s the equivalent of the N word.
This popular marshmallow chocolate was called Ras el Abed decade ago which literally means Head of Slave.
Been renamed to “Tarboosh”

You wouldn't want to know what Brazil nuts were called colloquially when my mother was a girl.

But we may have strayed off topic.


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31 May 2021, 4:37 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
MaxE wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
MaxE wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:

Is Cenk Uygur white by most American's standards?

I would say so but again I don't think that affects anybody's opinion of him. For example, nobody would call Trevor Noah white but that doesn't mean he is held in low regard.


I don't believe he would generally be considered as white. It's irrelevant to my question how that's viewed, I'm only pointing out that there's ethnic groups who straddle more than one 'racial group'.

I really hate using this sort of terminology but one could argue Cenk is somewhat swarthy, compared to e.g. Mehmet Oz who may be the most widely recognized Turk in the US. But consider Ariana Grande who is of pure European ancestry AFAIK but would in the past have been described as "swarthy" by many.

I guess you'd have to take a poll.

BTW I hesitate to use the term "swarthy" and won't complain if the mods edit it out but I don't know how else to address the topic except possibly to suggest we totally abandon the question of who is or isn't white. Not something I would ordinarily debate.


This is one of the things that caused my own perceptions of race to start to crumble. Someone who's of Sicilian or Greek ancestry is likely to be considered white, no matter their skintone. Someone who's Lebanese or Turkish or Syrian may or may not be viewed the same, but most likely determined by if they're a recent arrival or have been settled in the west for more than a generation.

If my brown Sicilian friend is white and my pale Egyptian friend isn't, maybe the term doesn't mean much.

If race is determined by phenotype why isn't phenotype the determining factor? If it isn't, why do we pretend so? People of varying phenotypes mix, they always have and they likely didn't consider things in the way we currently do because racial terms like white and black didn't exist until a few hundred years ago.



So much confusion about the Whites.

It’s relative really, Africans and East Asians see us as Whites, we see Turks as very Whites.

Also heard of the idea that only Europeans are Whites while Middle Easterns are Caucasians.

Some northern européens don’t even consider the Italians as whites. lol

The five races » thing is indeed not very scientific.

Actually Africa has ancestry variations more than the rest of continents combined.



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31 May 2021, 4:47 pm

I'm deeply ashamed to say that a few decades ago (marrying age) I think my family would have frowned up on me bringing a prospective partner from a different race home.
I used to be racist when I was pig ignorant.