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How to attract women despite you have Aspergers

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Fnord
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24 Aug 2021, 9:32 am

Outsider85 wrote:
I am going to college online. I have tried all of these types of places and still get nothing.
How long and how often did you "try" the places I mentioned?

If you are like many other men who have trouble getting dates, you probably tried one or two of those suggestions once or twice each, and then gave up on the idea entirely.

I met my wife at church.


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Outsider85
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24 Aug 2021, 9:45 am

A month or two on the dating websites. At church there is nobody my age and single. I also tried weddings.



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24 Aug 2021, 9:52 am

Outsider85 wrote:
A month or two on the dating websites. At church there is nobody my age and single. I also tried weddings.
So ... you went looking for romance in places where (1) Most of the "women" are either bots or men; (2) Most of the women are already married and/or much older/younger than you; and (3) Women may already have dates.

You set yourself up for failure.

It's like trying to find gold in a silver mine
It's like trying to drink whiskey from a bottle of wine

Keep looking for places where single women your age are likely to congregate.[/color]


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Outsider85
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24 Aug 2021, 12:08 pm

Alright then Mr. Expert. Give a list of places that I should try then.



Fnord
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24 Aug 2021, 12:35 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
Alright then Mr. Expert. Give a list of places that I should try then.
First, your snarkasm is noted.  Second, I have already mentioned a few.  Third, I am not familiar with wherever you live, so I do not know the exact places -- you will have to do your own scouting.


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that1weirdgrrrl
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24 Aug 2021, 12:42 pm

In general I recommend going to places in public that you enjoy and participating in public gatherings of activities that you enjoy.

While you are there, try to be friendly and interested in the other humans there (even ugly old men).

If an attractive young female noticeds you in her peripheral and you are acting disinterested/rude/bored with other people, she's less likely to approach you or want to be approached by you, but if you are acting friendly and open she may want to talk to you as well.

As a bonus, the more friends you make, the wider you can cast your net to find potential mates.


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Fnord
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24 Aug 2021, 1:05 pm

↑ I used to (pre-covid) carry my flute or violin with me, in case a "jam session" would break out.

Sometimes I would show up early to an event (fair, festival, et cetera) and offer to help set up.

Carrying in a couple-dozen home-made brownies to a house party is always a good ice-breaker.

What I am trying to say that just showing up is only half the effort; the rest is being involved.


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kuze
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19 Sep 2021, 4:32 pm

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Interesting that everyone here is saying to stick with oddball/outcast women. I'm starting to realize my lack of success is likely due to the fact that I'm a sucker for trendy "basic girls" like this :PImage


How do we know that one or more of these women is not a man? Furthermore, how do we know that one or more of these women/men has autism?

Fact= we dont.

Fact= many autistic men and women mask their behaviour to fit in.

kuze :D


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19 Sep 2021, 5:18 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
How does an Aspergers patient attract women or is there a good way to attract women? Also I think that women aren’t into me because of my Aspergers.
My track record on romance is not stellar so my opinion is not an expert opinion. But I am married (which still surprises me) and we've been married since 2000.

When I first met my future bride we had a wonderful conversation because we had a lot in common. I tried to get her to attend a regular event I attended but she had schedule and geographical constraints and I figured I would never see her again. (Much later she told me she had been very disappointed I did not ask for her phone number.)

A few months later she needed some help with something, remembered me and thought maybe I could help her, and from our conversation she had enough information that she was able to telephone me to ask for a favor. I could easily do the favor she needed, and while we chatted I learned of another way I could help her...and it would require meeting her in person so--with trepidation--I offered dinner out as well as the two favors.

Like I said, we've been married since 2000.

So, from my experience, maybe two things:

(1) Find people you have something in common with. Social groups, classes, volunteer projects, whatever, where you're more likely to find people who share some of your interests. Oh, and those things often have group goals which I think help me...in a purely social setting I could end up with a blank stare on my face.

(2) Find ways to help people. Give them rides when they need them. Help them move. Help them move furniture. Help them setup their new TV. Etc. Be useful to them. They might like that and end up liking you.


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MXH
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20 Sep 2021, 12:05 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
In general I recommend going to places in public that you enjoy and participating in public gatherings of activities that you enjoy.

While you are there, try to be friendly and interested in the other humans there (even ugly old men).

If an attractive young female noticeds you in her peripheral and you are acting disinterested/rude/bored with other people, she's less likely to approach you or want to be approached by you, but if you are acting friendly and open she may want to talk to you as well.

As a bonus, the more friends you make, the wider you can cast your net to find potential mates.

I both agree and disagree with this. For a lot of men our hobbies tend to be in areas that are quite male dominated. Me for example I used to only go to racetracks and gun clubs. Places where finding a woman is rare, and its usually some guys girlfriend being dragged in. But the general sense of go places and enjoy being there with friends is solid advice.

also general acts of kindness go a long way. I helped this girl 2 years ago jump start her car, two nights ago we met at a bar and she still remembered me and went on from there. Basically don't do things primarily to meet women, just let that be a possible outcome. I went from being one of the guys in this forum wondering how they can't get a girl to the guy other men ask how he does it because of that change in mindset.



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20 Sep 2021, 2:30 pm

MXH wrote:
also general acts of kindness go a long way. I helped this girl 2 years ago jump start her car, two nights ago we met at a bar and she still remembered me and went on from there. Basically don't do things primarily to meet women, just let that be a possible outcome. I went from being one of the guys in this forum wondering how they can't get a girl to the guy other men ask how he does it because of that change in mindset.



Agreed, and in my case generosity is massively valued, seemingly going against the feelings of most aspie women on that subject it seems, and I seem to be disliked for it. Eh, I know exactly what I want. 8)

Welcome back, BTW. I remember I said to you before that I was a bit weary of anxious people, but that was because anxious people tend to dislike me. I hope I didn't offend you, and I thought you were very cool.


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20 Sep 2021, 2:32 pm

smudge wrote:
MXH wrote:
also general acts of kindness go a long way. I helped this girl 2 years ago jump start her car, two nights ago we met at a bar and she still remembered me and went on from there. Basically don't do things primarily to meet women, just let that be a possible outcome. I went from being one of the guys in this forum wondering how they can't get a girl to the guy other men ask how he does it because of that change in mindset.



Agreed, and in my case generosity is massively valued, seemingly going against the feelings of most aspie women on that subject it seems, and I seem to be disliked for it. Eh, I know exactly what I want. 8)

Welcome back, BTW. I remember I said to you before that I was a bit weary of anxious people, but that was because anxious people tend to dislike me. I hope I didn't offend you, and I thought you were very cool.



The "expecting nothing in return" is a very important one. I, and I'm sure most woman can sniff out the expectation from miles away. It's very off putting.


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20 Sep 2021, 3:14 pm

smudge wrote:
smudge wrote:
MXH wrote:
also general acts of kindness go a long way. I helped this girl 2 years ago jump start her car, two nights ago we met at a bar and she still remembered me and went on from there. Basically don't do things primarily to meet women, just let that be a possible outcome. I went from being one of the guys in this forum wondering how they can't get a girl to the guy other men ask how he does it because of that change in mindset.



Agreed, and in my case generosity is massively valued, seemingly going against the feelings of most aspie women on that subject it seems, and I seem to be disliked for it. Eh, I know exactly what I want. 8)

Welcome back, BTW. I remember I said to you before that I was a bit weary of anxious people, but that was because anxious people tend to dislike me. I hope I didn't offend you, and I thought you were very cool.



The "expecting nothing in return" is a very important one. I, and I'm sure most woman can sniff out the expectation from miles away. It's very off putting.

Yea idk if I made that clear enough. But yea just be a the person that people trust and want to be around.



Fnord
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20 Sep 2021, 3:25 pm

MXH wrote:
... just be a person that people trust and want to be around.
Yes, "To attract people, one must first be attractive" and "Become the kind of person you want to attract".


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smudge
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20 Sep 2021, 3:32 pm

I'm an odd one...the times in my life I've attracted the most have been the times I've given up completely.

I attracted that rich man in Selfridges a few years back when I was lost, heartbroken and didn't want anyone else. I had great competition too.


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20 Sep 2021, 3:38 pm

Fnord wrote:
MXH wrote:
... just be a person that people trust and want to be around.
Yes, "To attract people, one must first be attractive" and "Become the kind of person you want to attract".

I did not tell how to attract anyone. But making that happen is a lot easier if you aren't "that weirdo" that groups of people will notice and avoid. Being someone people can trust, and carrying yourself in that manner isn't going to automatically bring all the ladies to you. But it gives you some time to talk to some and show yourself.

And I admit my recent changes weren't due completely to that. But it was a part of it. Location, experience, and sadly aging well also played an equal part.