The only women my age I would be interested in

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Its hard to see how to read your phrasing.

You mean

a) The things my mom said are problems are, in fact, the problems (in other words, she is right)

Or

b) The advice my mom gave is what made my problems worse (in other words, she is wrong)



I know that. In fact, I remember your wife is black.

I wouldn't go that far, but I wouldn't stick to Jewish women either. The way I appraoch it is that any White woman is fair game; if she happens to be Jewish thats a bonus. As it stands most of the women didn't have that bonus, but that was totally fine by me. Again though I wouldn't want a religious conflict either. So maybe the only time it would be a bonus is if she is Messianic.



So where do you recommend I meet women?

The best way to meet women is through friends. Or through colleagues. Going to get-togethers. Or lectures (especially lectures, since you're an academic).

I feel like your mother uttered wise words to you. I feel like she's right in these instances.

Imagining how the other person feels is empathy. Empathy is important for relationships, so this is good.

Imagining how Sue feels based on the fact that you know she has a bad history with manipulative men, so she probably feels cautious around Jack, so Jack might go out of his way to show Sue how honest and down to earth he can be (to try and allay her fears).

But if Jack tells Sue to trust him because he is an honest person. Then that will have the opposite effect on Sue's level of comfort and confidence in Jack. She is more likely to feel pressured and trapped.

Which leads to another good question: why is it that nobody introduces me to women? Is it because

a) I don't have any male friends either and people aren't inclined to introduce an acquitence they barely know

or

b) They perceive I am not datable

Probably much more "a" than "b."

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 08 Dec 2021, 2:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No, I thought empathy means caring how the other person feels. These are two different things.

--- Its possible to know the other person is upset and simply not care

--- Its possible to assume the other person is happy. It would still be true you would be upset *if* you knew they are upset, but you simply didn't know it.

It seems like your example falls into the second category.



But she didn't mention that history to Jack, so how was Jack supposed to know it?



And how did his behavior go counter to that?



But in your original story you didn't mention him "telling her to trust him". Are you saying that his behavior somehow did, without him actually uttering those words?



Again, I don't see in your description of that interaction where he was pressuring her.

Technically, empathy can be either understanding or feeling. But possibly more heavily just understanding.

You're right, I tried to use the same hypothetical to explain a different concept. That was my error.

and then you would be freaking out here over nothing!!, but what would I know about that?

So the reason why you only find younger women attractive is because you miss your youth basically then, is what it boils down to?

Yes exactly. If I had a choice between

a) Staying old and dating someone young

b) Becoming young but dating someone old

I would definitely choose "b".

But you said before that you are attracted to younger. So wouldn't you rather choose 'a' therefore? But also I don't understand how if you feel old, that dating someone younger solves the problem. Wouldn't that just make you feel older in a way?

Last edited by ironpony on 08 Dec 2021, 4:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.

How does one "become young?"

Well, I want all aspects of being younger. Being able to date someone younger is only one of them. That aspect is important, yes, but so are others.



It would make me feel younger since I would do what younger people do.

The questions were based on your own self-reflection
i.e. 1. Am I doing something each time I communicate with a girl that is systematically putting them off?
OR 2. Are specific circumstance in communicating the girl making it challenging difficult to avoid making a blunder OR
3. In the flow of conversation have I stopped paying attention to the girl's needs/wants and focused too much on my own compulsion to say/do something that deep down I know ruined my chances.

Aren't you dating somebody 15 years younger?

I was talking about hypothetical.

Still, however, I have some ideas:

a) Go back to school (done; didn’t help much)

b) Catch up on the stuff I haven’t done but should have. In my case, research publications. I found the journal that seems more willing to publish my work. Will try this one.

c) Improve health to the point of my body rejuviniling. No, fake stuff like Botox don’t count, I am against it. I mean, find natural methods of making my body actually healthier. One thing I can think of is becoming 140 lbl which I used to be instead of 150. Actually when I had COVID I fasted and got down to 134, but then I gained it all back and became 150 again. So I need to find a way to keep it at 140. Also I need to get back my high schoolmrnning time. Back in high school I did 3 miles in less than 20 minutes (something like 19 or 18 minutes actually). Right now I do it in 21 or 22 minutes (before COVID that is; I have no idea how I would do after COVID, haven’t tried yet). So I need to learn to do it under 20 minutes at the very least. But also I need to do other things. Such as find NATURAL way to regrow my hair. Also improve my glucose metabolism. Doctors don’t think I am pre-diabetic yet on my home meter sometimes it looks that way, so I need to find a way to cure that. What doctors DO think I have is high cholesterol, so I need to cure that too (although it’s not as scary as anything diabetes related, to me anyway). But in any case those things by themselves won’t define age. So I need to look for longer list of bio-markers and try to fix them.

d) Reconnect with folks I used to know a long time ago. Like I said I managed to reconnect with one such person, but I blew it. So now I have to hope to find some other ones. Yes I have some specific people in mind, but I have no idea how to find them. But I guess since I was lucky one time, I can hope to be lucky again (unless I find a way to have fresh start with the one person that I found).

e) Go back to live in geographic locations I used to live in. Well since my life is tied to schools, this means applying to low tier schools that happen to be geographically close to the high tier schools I used to be at.

I know it’s not perfect but that’s the best I can think of.