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HighLlama
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20 Feb 2022, 12:45 am

Joe90 wrote:
The joys of being single:-

You have a whole bed to yourself and don't have to wear earplugs all the time to muffle the sound of their snoring.

You can do what you want, when you want, without being affected by their moods and strange opinions on things.


OK I do love my boyfriend and it's normal to get annoyed by little things when you live together, but still. :x


Good points, especially the snoring. The worst is an alcoholic who does not go to bed gently. And then the snoring begins.



HighLlama
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20 Feb 2022, 12:50 am

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Pardon me? That's a lot of presumption.

It's not self-serving or altruistic, or with any ulterior motive.
It's not a higher grade.
It's not virtue signalling, but thanks for making it sound that way (not).

Most people who have claimed to love me, didn't know me at all.
They loved who they thought I was, or an image in their own mind. ("Oh you're so smart")
They loved what I could do for them (e.g., three gay men admitted they used me, to appear straight)
They loved my independence without thinking I was also vulnerable.
Or they loved my vulnerability without thinking I was independent.
Most of them couldn't answer a single question about my life history, beyond the superficial.
This includes the man I married, who chose me because of what I could do for him.

No one has ever really understood the whole package, or cared much to investigate.
Either that or I'm some mystery to solve, and they like the adrenaline rush more than they like me.
They're usually disappointed in what they find, because I'm a regular person instead of an illusion.
I'm not faulting anyone.
I'm not saying I don't deserve love. It's not a pathological self-reproach.
It's just what it is.

Lots of people act this way ^ when they think they're in love.
It's especially common for autistic people to be misunderstood or misread, by those who say they love us.
People are often attracted to our quirkiness, but that doesn't make it love.



I'm not being critical of anyone, that's just how it's been.
At the time I loved being loved. It was great. No complaints. I thought it was real.

Even if it was real (or as real as the other person could make it), I love the act of knowing and loving them.

I don't know if I'm explaining it right.
I guess I have a different vision of what love is, than most of the people I've met.
They think: "My partner makes ME feel great!", instead of "I admire / understand who THEY are".

When I love someone, it's because of who they are. All parts of them.
It's not about how they make me feel, or what they do for me.

I guess I'm saying that I love being an active participant, instead of a passive recipient.


Wonderful post. The connection between love and knowing is old, as you may know. I believe Socrates draws this conclusion in one of Plato's dialogues.

As you describe, many actually love the feelings they associate with us, instead of who we are. This is what makes this Oscar Wilde quote so valuable:

Quote:
To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.


(From Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young.)



HighLlama
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20 Feb 2022, 12:55 am

theprisoner wrote:
Hmmn...on surface, my impression is, you're talking about altruism.

[...]

Don't mind me....I'm just playing amateur psychologist...
Image


It's fine to offer advice in this thread, but let's not dismiss other people's views of love. Even if a poster's sense of love seems wrong or misguided, it probably comes with a history of pain, if they're posting here. Simplifying their feelings isn't going to help.



auntblabby
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20 Feb 2022, 3:08 am

i want the whole package. but i've settled for a finer simulacrum.



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20 Feb 2022, 4:21 am

Not having to mask in order to meet someone else's needs at the expense of my own mental health.

Three failed marriages. They were all NT's and I have longstanding trauma and PTSD as a result.

We are all different of course, but for me mixing neurotypes doesn't work. It took me many years to understand that I relate much better to other autistic people.

I am at the beginning is a long distance relationship with an autistic woman with a similar profile to me - one thing that we got straight at the beginning is that neither of us wanted to live with anyone on a full time basis again. And we are both determined not to get married again.


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Pepe
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20 Feb 2022, 4:45 am

auntblabby wrote:
i want the whole package. but i've settled for a finer simulacrum.


Silicone Suzy? :scratch:



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20 Feb 2022, 4:57 am

Velorum wrote:
Not having to mask in order to meet someone else's needs at the expense of my own mental health.

Three failed marriages. They were all NT's and I have longstanding trauma and PTSD as a result.

We are all different of course, but for me mixing neurotypes doesn't work. It took me many years to understand that I relate much better to other autistic people.

I am at the beginning is a long distance relationship with an autistic woman with a similar profile to me - one thing that we got straight at the beginning is that neither of us wanted to live with anyone on a full time basis again. And we are both determined not to get married again.


A step in the right direction, but why not simply be friends?
Is there a sexual component in this long-distance relationship?



auntblabby
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20 Feb 2022, 5:04 am

Pepe wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
i want the whole package. but i've settled for a finer simulacrum.


Silicone Suzy? :scratch:

you asked, this is the closest representation i could find-

{soft porn image redacted}



Last edited by Cornflake on 20 Feb 2022, 4:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.: This is not an appropriate place to post such images

Pepe
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20 Feb 2022, 6:08 am

auntblabby wrote:
Pepe wrote:
auntblabby wrote:
i want the whole package. but i've settled for a finer simulacrum.


Silicone Suzy? :scratch:

you asked, this is the closest representation i could find-

{soft porn image redacted}


Is her name "Piper"? 8)

Piper, meet Gynoid.

{soft porn image redacted}



Last edited by Cornflake on 20 Feb 2022, 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.: This is not an appropriate place to post such images

HighLlama
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20 Feb 2022, 6:46 am

I'm not judging anyone for having a Real Doll, but can we please remember this is a thread minors can access, and we also have (straight) women here too. The intention is to describe good parts of being single which pretty much anyone can relate to. There are better threads to express our own individual sexuality.

I think it might be better if you remove the pictures and have that discussion elsewhere.



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20 Feb 2022, 7:49 am

Agreed ^ I'm all for doll ownership or whatever makes people happy.

Maybe there can be a special thread somewhere for members to post photos of nearly-naked people / dolls? I'm starting to see photos like those ^ in unexpected places like Random, where children and the general public can see. Sexually-suggestive photos might also be triggering for some members.

If anyone quotes the pictures they multiply on the page. On a few occasions I've seen pages of WP looking like a porn site, or an advertising site for sex toys / sex workers. I'd expect sexual photos to be in Adult, if they're anywhere on WP.


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Joe90
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20 Feb 2022, 8:02 am

Sex dolls give me the creeps.


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20 Feb 2022, 8:04 am

I wouldn’t use a doll….but to each their own.



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20 Feb 2022, 11:51 am

the only relationship been in was with another similarly natured spirit on the spectrum, and almost otherworldly, so it’s not like the experience had made being single joyous in comparison, but these days the stillness found at oneness isn’t something taken for granted. it’s a different state of being, not a lesser... so, it’s sensed most sound to avoid romance until to meet the unavoidable again. if such isn’t to be, that’s fine.

auntblabby wrote:
humans are SOOOOooooooo disappointing in sooo many ways. every GD thing is conditional, has a string or strings attached, nothing is pure. nothing is trustworthy.
it’d appear for things to work, two have to ever mutually seek to grow forth together, rather than meeting at an intersecting point of common, and careening off in opposite directions doing their own things like many do. the heart had attunes itself unconditional once to allow another near enough, but that only means they’ll always be loved even if to part ways.


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20 Feb 2022, 12:29 pm

Lace-Bane wrote:
the only relationship been in was with another similarly natured spirit on the spectrum, and almost otherworldly, so it’s not like the experience had made being single joyous in comparison, but these days the stillness found at oneness isn’t something taken for granted. it’s a different state of being, not a lesser... so, it’s sensed most sound to avoid romance until to meet the unavoidable again. if such isn’t to be, that’s fine.

auntblabby wrote:
humans are SOOOOooooooo disappointing in sooo many ways. every GD thing is conditional, has a string or strings attached, nothing is pure. nothing is trustworthy.
it’d appear for things to work, two have to ever mutually seek to grow forth together, rather than meeting at an intersecting point of common, and careening off in opposite directions doing their own things like many do. the heart had attunes itself unconditional once to allow another near enough, but that only means they’ll always be loved even if to part ways.

ok, how does one grow together with another? that is aside from the nagging question of how does one connect to another in the first place? like a cat watching a human use a doorknob. :huh: :doh: nobody here seems able or willing to explain this, like it is a secret among the in-crowd of beautiful people high-functioners.



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20 Feb 2022, 12:38 pm

FleaOfTheChill wrote:
I stayed up last night for a bit and blasted some music in the living room. I listened to the same few songs over and over. And I could because no one was watching tv or listening to their own things...no need for me to hide in headphones to avoid bothering anyone with my noise.

I love listening to the same few songs over and over and over and loudly at that, but I live in an apartment, so I have to be considerate of the neighbors, so headphones are a must most of the time. My favorite songs gove me so much joy and I stim to the music and really go all out just being myself without any judgment.
That's the best part about being single, doing what I want when I want it, and no judgment for my weirdness
No drama is another good point, no one to bother me with their noise and preferred songs and whatnot.


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