Why SHOULD you have a child sooner rather than later ?

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That makes sense but when my female friends have this epiphany that all of a sudden they want to have kids in their late 30s, it makes me wonder, why they are only realizing this now, as opposed to having good reasons not to before?

Late to the discussion, but purely from my personal experience, I'd recommend most couples who want to have a child (and accepts the responsibility to raise one right) to have that child early rather than late, for biological reasons.

We started trying when my wife was 32. Then I got stuck in a job with lots of responsibilities, and it wasn't until she was 35 that we realized it was not going to work the natural way (probably because my body was in a terrible state due to the overtime work I had to do). First we tried AIH, didn't succeed, then IVF, had a miscarriage, then IVF again, and our daughter was born 6 months ago in the midst of the Delta wave. My wife was 37 at the time, it was a tough challenge for her body, and we probably won't have more kids because of it.

If you're up to the task, have the physical ability and a good enough financial base, and are sure you would love the kid with all your heart, sooner is better than later.

Well if one of the major reasons why people wait until later is money, back a few decades ago, a lot more women in their 20s were having kids compared to now. But what changed? Did people make more money back then compared to now, so it was more do-able back then therefore?

One more reason people wait is actually because of the progress of artificial insemination. Some couples in their 20s and early 30s think that even if they do end up having difficulties, artificial insemination is there to save the day. Which is far from the case all the time. IVF has a success rate of 70% for couples where the woman is under 39. That's a great number, but still 30% of couples end up with no kid even though they desired one.

Another, as someone else mentioned, is that there is less societal pressure to have children these days, so a lot of people who are simply happy with their life as it is can go on living that life with less stigma. Women have greater freedom now, and becoming a mother is a huge life change with so much work attached to it that doesn't always get the recognition it deserves. Not everyone wants to live their life going down that path, and with less pressure, they can choose not to.

in amuuurica at least, things are financially tougher for everybody lacking that precious shingle on the wall. there has been a vast divergence since the 80s, between those with a high school diploma/voc-tech school diploma, and those with bachelors degrees in STEM fields.

People aren't very smart. They don't precisely calculate the risk. Instead they say thing like "It'll never happen to us".

I've seen that happen before. I think when they're younger they feel they have more of a choice, like "I can have kids now or I can have kids later". My aunt at precisely 35 said I must have kids now, it's now or never. Before she felt like she had a choice.

I think housing costs and things were more reasonable back then, so more common a couple/family could live on a single income.

Also, probably more social pressure for women to become mothers.

Oh okay, but I thought housing costs have gone down since, at least a lot more people are accepting down payments compared to back then, so I thought you wouldn't have to spend as much on a house all at once compared to back then in comparison.

A woman can lose their period as early as age 40 though its later for lots of women to, and when that happens you can't have babies. If she was wanting children she may have been concerned about that.

Well it also seems to me that my male friends have wanted children around late 20s, early 30s, where female wanted mid 30s-40s.

The women I know have had more oats they wanted to soe while getting older it seems, but they say that women mature faster than men, but if that were the case, wouldn't the desire to be a parent come sooner than men then? Or are my friends not the most average examples?

Well admittedly I don't know a lot about housing works specifically, just seemed it was possible for people in past decades to afford a house or at least rent a house on a single income even if they weren't 'wealthy'. Seems most people in their 20's-30's are living with room mates or living with a partner where they are both bringing in money to afford rent.

Why does "maturing faster" mean that someone would want children sooner? Some people have kids at a younger age precisely because they're impulsive--generally not a trait of maturity. Some folks have admitted that if they'd thought it through, they may have never had kids at all, because it turns out to be much harder than they expected. Some older women may wait specifically because they know that, and don't want to hastily impose their younger, less-wise selves on an innocent child.

People are individuals with their own personal desires and mindsets. (They are not like more "primitive" animals who are driven, apparently, almost entirely by biology to reproduce.) They can change their minds--numerous times, perhaps--over the years for a whole bunch of reasons. No one, male or female, fertile or infertile, has a psychic lock on the future, and no one in a free society is obligated to follow the same plan as everyone/anyone else. Though some people still buy into the "go forth and multiply" hooey and do so just because they see it as a sort of manifest destiny, others think and feel very differently--sometimes vehemently so. Still others may be on the fence. The desire to have children or not isn't purely logical; emotions, rightfully so, also play a part in the choice. Your friends may have complex reasons or factors influencing their choices; if you really wanted to know, the best way to find out would be to ask each of them individually...though it really isn't anyone. else's. business.




Have you ever wanted to have children? Why or why not? Did you change your mind? Why or why not? Do you think your neighbor three doors down, or five floors above, would give the same responses? Why is that?

Those are good points.

A really big point is that it is a gift to the child. They get to spend more of their life with you. That's one of the most precious things.

I work work with at three people (one is in his mid or late 40s, one is nearly 50 and another is in his late 50s.) None of them have children, two have been in past relationships and never got married and split up. Two colleagues there do have husbands and have children. The thing is a part of me feels I don't want to be like them and I worry I just end up being like them and still be alone and unchanged.