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Frustration approaching women

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TomD
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10 Aug 2007, 2:28 am

calandale wrote:
TomD wrote:
calandale wrote:
TomD wrote:

I have no idea how to behave either, but I don't care. The people I'm with know I'm probably gonna be 'inside the music', dancing away like a madman and they're fine with it and the people I'm NOT with; 'WHO CARES what they think of me ?'
I'm usually that one sober person in the place :)
.

How can you remain sober whilst dancing?

By not drinking ? :wink:

Quote:
I don't mean alcohol either.

So you mean XTC or something ? (sorry I don't understand exactly what you're getting at ?)


I mean the dancing.

WHoops, that was me taking you to literally :wink: (To me sober is directly linked to drinking, dancing to me is more of a 'high' :lol:)

Quote:
Throws me into a high
like few others. I've been
aroused to those heights
(sexually), and bloodlust
can do it too. Not much else.


Quote:
(still the MAIN reason I go is the feeling I get when dancing :lol:)


Which is why I thought you'd 'get' it.


I do now :wink:


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Space
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10 Aug 2007, 3:52 am

tomamil wrote:
yes, that's my story, too. i had more opportunities like this, but i have missed them all. people say i am good looking, but that's not helpful anyway. needless to say, i have no advice for you...

This seems to be pretty common. I think there are many young AS men who get a few steps into having a relationship, but then don't know what to do (here is where the unsaid rules of relationships and social interaction come in), and then it ends there. :( I just wish I could walk up to a girl and say "Hi, I like you! Want to go out on a date/have casual sex/go to a movie..." without the BS.



Papillon
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10 Aug 2007, 7:51 pm

Space wrote:
tomamil wrote:
yes, that's my story, too. i had more opportunities like this, but i have missed them all. people say i am good looking, but that's not helpful anyway. needless to say, i have no advice for you...

This seems to be pretty common. I think there are many young AS men who get a few steps into having a relationship, but then don't know what to do (here is where the unsaid rules of relationships and social interaction come in), and then it ends there. :( I just wish I could walk up to a girl and say "Hi, I like you! Want to go out on a date/have casual sex/go to a movie..." without the BS.


I can very, very well relate to that. God only knows how many opportunities I'd botched because the gears in my attic were too slow to "connect the dots" and get the picture :(

OTOH I had the good fortune of working for a time in the carnival business which came with enormous amounts of exposure to the other gender :wink:


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calandale
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10 Aug 2007, 7:54 pm

Papillon wrote:

OTOH I had the good fortune of working for a time in the carnival business which came with enormous amounts of exposure to the other gender :wink:


What did you do?



FirstandEllen
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10 Aug 2007, 8:18 pm

Space wrote:
I just wish I could walk up to a girl and say "Hi, I like you! Want to go out on a date/have casual sex/go to a movie..." without the BS.


THAT IS MY DREAM!!

Except obviosuly it would only work if done by someone I fancy. I guess all the complicated nonsense arises because people don't want to deal with the rejection if not...



FirstandEllen
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10 Aug 2007, 8:22 pm

TomD wrote:
Wow, until I read this, I didn't even realise that my brain was in a process of forgiving myself !? Thank you so much for this insight FirstAndEllen !


'Welcome! :) Yeah, I mean, that's how it is for me. It was kind of the missing link in so many things. OK, I did think "x" wrong, I understand why now that I think about it, but why do people who don't seem as smart as me or way younger than me already know this?? Soooo much blame went inward for so long. And it's even worse when you in situtaions where another person judged you.

Anyway, we digress. Go get chicks!



AiMaiMii
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11 Aug 2007, 8:16 am

Papillon wrote:
AMM,

Yes, those places do have a rhythm and beat of their own that takes some getting used to, don't they? :wink:
Would you be open to giving that scene another chance? And then another?


Give it a chance and in time you'll learn to catch some of the unspoken cues. Do you have any friends who have a knack for that? Ask them for some coaching. Be bold, be brave, and in time you'll find a style of your own :wink:


I honestly am not willing to give it another chance. Even my psychologist said it is not a good idea, so that reinforces me to not go again. Unforantly I don't have friends that could help me. If I did I would ask for help.

I know what my main problems are. It's just hard to compromise. I don't like going out with the exception of eating, movies, and the arcade every now and then. You can't meet women when you are at locations when there is no potential to meet them. I've looked into online dating sites, made some profiles, but I never could find anyone I would want to contact. The profiles are always the same...outgoing, love traveling, do new things, etc.. Nothing that I'm looking for. I just wish I could find a girl who would be fine with having dinner and a movie at home, and cuddle up afterwords, and not complicate things with traveling, going out to different places, etc.



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11 Aug 2007, 8:46 am

Sometimes the local papers have romantic classifieds but I suppose it would still be a bit risky. I can well understand why some of us would find the pub and club scene really offputting. It's also funny that I was told as a younger woman that guys didn't like women who weren't outgoing and just liked staying in and watching movies and stuff like that.


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11 Aug 2007, 8:49 am

calandale wrote:
Papillon wrote:

OTOH I had the good fortune of working for a time in the carnival business which came with enormous amounts of exposure to the other gender :wink:


What did you do?


Portrait and cartoon artist -some of the work I did when I freelanced.


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calandale
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11 Aug 2007, 2:04 pm

Pandora wrote:
Sometimes the local papers have romantic classifieds but I suppose it would still be a bit risky. .


I CAN'T answer these. Too much like
starting a conversation. And, I don't
think I'd want to. It's like the dating
sites.



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12 Aug 2007, 10:44 am

Yeah, I guess so. I wonder if going to art exhibitions and museums would be a good way to meet people?


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Papillon
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12 Aug 2007, 11:16 am

calandale wrote:
Pandora wrote:
Sometimes the local papers have romantic classifieds but I suppose it would still be a bit risky. .


I CAN'T answer these. Too much like
starting a conversation. And, I don't
think I'd want to. It's like the dating
sites.


I can relate to that. There's only one way I can do it: face to face in person.


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Then he's the hero of the day
It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

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12 Aug 2007, 11:17 am

Pandora wrote:
Yeah, I guess so. I wonder if going to art exhibitions and museums would be a good way to meet people?


Good bet for intellectual types :wink:


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It takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile
Be yourself no matter what they say

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pbcoll
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13 Aug 2007, 1:59 am

AiMaiMii wrote:
Papillon wrote:
AMM,

Yes, those places do have a rhythm and beat of their own that takes some getting used to, don't they? :wink:
Would you be open to giving that scene another chance? And then another?


Give it a chance and in time you'll learn to catch some of the unspoken cues. Do you have any friends who have a knack for that? Ask them for some coaching. Be bold, be brave, and in time you'll find a style of your own :wink:


I honestly am not willing to give it another chance. Even my psychologist said it is not a good idea, so that reinforces me to not go again. Unforantly I don't have friends that could help me. If I did I would ask for help.

I know what my main problems are. It's just hard to compromise. I don't like going out with the exception of eating, movies, and the arcade every now and then. You can't meet women when you are at locations when there is no potential to meet them. I've looked into online dating sites, made some profiles, but I never could find anyone I would want to contact. The profiles are always the same...outgoing, love traveling, do new things, etc.. Nothing that I'm looking for. I just wish I could find a girl who would be fine with having dinner and a movie at home, and cuddle up afterwords, and not complicate things with traveling, going out to different places, etc.


I can so relate to this....


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michel
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13 Aug 2007, 10:30 pm

Frustration is normal for everyone. I'm apparently very good looking but I'm very shy in social situations, and I can get anxious at times. I'm terrified of rejection. I have a friend who just says that a no is only one person closer to a yes, but I can't look at it like that.



quiet
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13 Aug 2007, 11:59 pm

WildMan wrote:
The best way, I think, is to meet "friends of friends."

1) The "friend" in the "friend of a friend" triad can be very helpful and facillitative, if not outright cunningly scheming in your favor.

Some of us have not had friends for many years though.