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Didn’t come as a surprise that he was a virgin!

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Where_am_I
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06 Jul 2022, 7:54 pm

This thread. :roll:

I really don't care if a man is a virgin or not. What matters is if he's a good human.


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IsabellaLinton
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06 Jul 2022, 8:14 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
This thread. :roll:

I really don't care if a man is a virgin or not. What matters is if he's a good human.



I agree.

I wish there were more threads about how to be a better person / partner, instead of judging numbers like tally charts.


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funeralxempire
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06 Jul 2022, 8:19 pm

Where_am_I wrote:
This thread. :roll:

I really don't care if a man is a virgin or not. What matters is if he's a good human.


It really boils down to that certain personality traits to seem to be fairly strong predictors and it's not unreasonable for people to notice those traits, or to notice that pattern or to start making (apparently insightful) guesses based on the what they've noticed.

It shouldn't be a value judgment though, although it might be a valid thing for people to notice when considering compatibility. People generally prefer partners they find engaging and enjoy interacting with. If you interact with someone and perceive that they're not likely to be engaging, it makes sense to try to invest with someone else who 'returns (figuratively, but literally stimulates) more interest' so to speak, no?


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funeralxempire
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06 Jul 2022, 8:20 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Where_am_I wrote:
This thread. :roll:

I really don't care if a man is a virgin or not. What matters is if he's a good human.



I agree.

I wish there were more threads about how to be a better person / partner, instead of judging numbers like tally charts.


I wish guys weren't groomed from an early age to view 'high scores' as a measure of masculinity because it probably contributes to intimacy issues for at least some.


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ironpony
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06 Jul 2022, 8:35 pm

But I thought women were also groomed with this otherwise why would all my relationship partners ask me in the past.



ironpony
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06 Jul 2022, 8:44 pm

Oh are you saying that is why she asked me what my number was?



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06 Jul 2022, 8:46 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh are you saying that is why she asked me what my number was?


There's lots of reasons should could care and I don't know her well enough to try to figure out why she asked.


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IsabellaLinton
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06 Jul 2022, 8:48 pm

ironpony wrote:
But I thought women were also groomed with this otherwise why would all my relationship partners ask me in the past.


The only time I was groomed was by sexual predators.

No one groomed me to understand my values or to judge others by gender / sexuality.


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ironpony
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06 Jul 2022, 8:49 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Yeah. I can ask my current gf why she asked me.


You placed a lot of importance on the fact that she was temporarily a virgin when you met.

It seems it mattered to you, and that her lack of prior experience still matters to you now.


Oh I didn't have a problem with her being a virgin, it's just that I found her really hard to read sexually as a result, as to what she was into sexually, or how compatible she would have been with me sexually. But I didn't have a problem with her being a virgin, so much as the not knowing how to read her.



IsabellaLinton
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06 Jul 2022, 8:50 pm

ironpony wrote:
... why would all my relationship partners ask me in the past.



It seems to be a topic you like to discuss.


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ironpony
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06 Jul 2022, 8:50 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
ironpony wrote:
But I thought women were also groomed with this otherwise why would all my relationship partners ask me in the past.


The only time I was groomed was by sexual predators.

No one groomed me to understand my values or to judge others by gender / sexuality.


Oh I am sorry to hear that happened to you...



IsabellaLinton
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06 Jul 2022, 8:56 pm

ironpony wrote:

Oh I didn't have a problem with her being a virgin, it's just that I found her really hard to read sexually as a result, as to what she was into sexually, or how compatible she would have been with me sexually. But I didn't have a problem with her being a virgin, so much as the not knowing how to read her.



Reading a partner's body language takes time, whether they're experienced or not.

I'm sorry I'm not trying to sound critical. I'm just answering your questions as posed. We have different opinions, and different life experiences. There's a heavy emphasis on virginity, tally count, and "body count" on WP lately. You wrote quite a few posts about your girlfriend's virginity as if it were part of her character, or a puzzle to solve.

This thread belongs to Jamesy who wanted to know how people can spot virgins.

All I'm trying to say to him, is that from my point of view, I don't know why anyone would be discussing their sexual history with strangers in a pub, in the first place.


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ironpony
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06 Jul 2022, 8:58 pm

Oh it's just this forum has a dating forum, for dating advice, so I thought I would ask for advice on that. I don't mean to be inappropriate or get too personal if I have.



Last edited by ironpony on 06 Jul 2022, 9:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.

IsabellaLinton
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06 Jul 2022, 9:06 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh it's just this forum has a dating forum, for dating advice, so I thought I would ask for advice on that. I don't mean to be inappropriate or get too personal if I have.


You're free to ask whatever dating advice you want or need.
I'm not saying that you can't, or that it was inappropriate.

Several people have been suggesting that women won't like male virgins.
I'm a woman so I offered my point of view.
I couldn't care less if a partner is a virgin or not.
I judge compatibility by our chemistry together, and not the person's past.


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ironpony
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06 Jul 2022, 9:07 pm

Oh okay, and that's good. It's just some guys say it's a problem for them with women being virgins, but not sure if it's a huge problem for most or not.



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06 Jul 2022, 9:19 pm

This thread makes me very glad I paid an escort to take my virginity. That was in 2005, mind you; paid or non-paid, virgin or not, it didn't make a difference back then.

Today, if I had sex with a non-paid woman and told her I wasn't a virgin, I could be charged with "rape by deception", if she would have rejected me if she knew I was a virgin, and decided to press charges over it.