How to avoid Dating a Narcissist

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Though I have written about him before, I had a huge crush on someone on the spectrum who also happened to be a covert narcissist.

Some red flags that I noticed

1. Another former friend and I both liked him and there were times where he would ignore one of us and then flirt with the other one. It got to a point where my former friend and I did started fighting over him until she met someone else.

A. In 2007, he flirted with me over the holidays and acted like he was really interested in me. Meanwhile, he started gaslighting my friend by acting like he was fed up with her for an entire year. Then when he came to a new year's gathering that she and I hosted, he ignored me and flirted with her the whole time. I was very hurt and confused.

2. He was very full of himself

3. He played the victim

4. He would basically jerk me around by telling me that I had to impress him

The one suefire guarenteed way to avoid dating a narcissist is to not date anyone.

I think the unique thing about narcissists is they invent silly ways for them to feel better about themselves and they are delusional. As long as the appearance is intact they are fine.

Being self centered or putting themselves first isn’t exactly unique to narcissists.

I imagine there are religious narcissists and narcissistic parents that try to be the best at parenting, etc… Perhaps, narcissism doesn’t lend itself too well for dating or being a spouse.

I am just pointing out what seems unique about them to me. Some of them by some stroke of luck could stay out of trouble if you are just talking about narcissism not commingled with something else.

Lots of people like a narcissist. How else are they getting so many dates?

F*** that P*$$* ! !! !! !! !

Personally I don't think narcissism exists. All traits listed seem to be common human traits, and it's like if you like yourself then you're a narcissist. I think extreme narcissist traits are more or less sociopathic.

Hi Joe90

Narcissism does exist but on a spectrum just like ASD. There are the empaths with narcissistic tendencies meaning they tend to do things narcs do but still have empathy for others, there are the full-blown narcissist where every single aspect of their life is about themselves, or the me, myself, and I's type people. Lastly, there are the sociopaths and psychopaths that are the extreme types of narcissists that KNOW they are hurting others and take pleasure inflicting pain.

So narcissism exists but on a scale.

Hope that helps.

JimJohn,

To answer your question:

'Lots of people like a narcissist. How else are they getting so many dates?'


It's not that lots of people like a narcissist. It that they become entangled, seduced, and ensnared into one because of their initial love-bombing stage. Then the more empath like partner gets attached and then does not want to leave him. There are 3 stages. Overvaluing, Devaluing, and Discard. The narcissist does just that, with repeat cycles.

When the narcissist feels abandones, he/she gives the other partner that fake feeling that they will respect that partner, so the empath partner will 'like a narc again'. That's how the narc gets his/her dates.

What if I'm a narcissist for being a people-pleaser and enjoying making other people feel good about themselves in order to make myself feel good about myself but also because I care?

It seems that every human on the planet has at least half the narcissist traits. How is one not a narcissist? What's the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath?

I saw a narcissist in action lately. The guy is a narcissist of the kind everybody hates immediately. He is a self-proclaimed womanizer. I saw him with his last victim. He would totally enchant her in very ridiculous ways. He was making her feel special and you could see that she was mentally out of reality. She was living in a romantic fantasy. At the same time he would brag behind her back about how he had sex with her in various places. He also said that she is trash and that he is simply passing time. But in front of her he kept feeding her fantasy. The worst part is that the girl was cheating her boyfriend with this guy. I knew her boyfriend and he is the nicest guy. Things like this make me avoid socialising anymore.

That is not necessarily a narcissist but just a selfish man practicing sexual immorality. Just like many men (and women) do nowadays.

To label someone a narcissist sort-of gives them an excuse for their sinful behavior and I am not going to do that. The world tells you 'narcissists' are irredeemable but I disagree with that. No one is irredeemable except those who blaspheme the Holy Spirit.

There was a story that ended up in the news that also caught the attention of crime series which involved a narcissist being at the center of a deadly love triangle.

-The situation involved two teenage girls who went to the same highschool and both dated the same guy which got to a point that the two ended up harassing each other and getting into altercations that led to one of them getting murdered. Little did they know that the who they fought over dated both at the same time and manipulated both by tell him that he loved them. Then he would go behind their backs and make fun of them and that he didn't love either one, rather he just liked the attention.

Here is the story

Another avoidance tactic, that ^ I am used to them by now.

It is immorality indeed. And for me it doesn't need further explanation. It's a situation I don't want anything to do with. I'm specifically avoiding that particular group of people because of this. Because it is difficult for me to hide my disapproval of it. My NT friend who introduced me to them, although a genuinely good person he doesn't seem to mind that much while for me it's a big deal. It's something I want to be miles away from.

Actually, it appears that a lot of people like a narcissist. My rhetorical question was "How are else are they getting so many dates? It was not why do people stay in a relationship with a narcissist. If someone falls for love bombing they should admit to themselves that they liked someone in the beginning.

Look at someone like Bernie Madoff. If you watch the documentary on Netflix called "Madoff, you will see that there were legitimate aspects to his business and life and people liked him. Yes, you can frame the word "like" in different ways but Bernie Madoff basically created NASDAQ and was respected/liked for it. He apparently had a decent family life. They wanted to do business with him. They liked him.

Look at someone like Donald Trump, a good number of people voted for him. Someone who was not a narcissist would not get as far in politics. If someone were to think that Joe Biden was not a narcissist, I would venture to guess they are wrong.

My point is the percentage of narcissists who through luck stay out of trouble. Supposedly, there are psychopaths that stay out of trouble also. The percentages do not add up to believe otherwise. It is interesting that you lump them together. I have found that psychologists do lump them together. They seem to have three categories that they lump psychiatric disorders: happy, sad and bad.

I am interested in the lumping together. Supposedly, one telltale sign of a psychopath is lack of fear. I have heard it described as lack of fear of remorse. Let's say I am able to startle a narcissist, does that mean the narcissist is not a psychopath? Supposedly, psychopaths can be be identified by brain scans. I don't hear anybody saying that narcissists can be identified by brain scans.

I have heard that it is a myth that psychopaths are prevalent in prominent positions like CEOs of corporations. Let's say that narcissists are in fact prevalent in those positions or that the condition does not preclude it. That would indicate a contradiction if the disorders are in fact comingled to a high degree. I don't doubt they are comingled .... but I don't look at it as if they are one in the same.

I can see the woman in this case being totally ok with it until one day she isn't. Some people like emotional excitement and drama until it doesn't suit them. It isn't like women are generally unaware of social dynamics. Women generally have a more sophisticated awareness. Men are known to have a simpler view. They are known to go on dates for sex and give compliments to achieve that. Calling out the sinful man with the exception of the sinful woman contradicts my sense of right and wrong.

You are right, I was just talking about the man because I know that he exhibits some textbook NPD traits and it was interesting to see him in action, how he behaves. The woman is not right also but I suspect she is the one who is going to get hurt. The one who I feel really bad about is her boyfriend.