My brother STILL has issues with me getting married and...

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Well the situation could get interesting when Jerry shows up.

That is just so hard to do and would be MUCH easier if I either lived with one of them or stayed at one of their houses overnight!

Believe me, I WANT to be intimate with a man

Maybe not full-on sex until I go to the OBGYN for the Pap Smear just to get everyone off my back about this but touching and making out for SURE!! !

It has been so long

I miss kissing a guy on his lips (and vice-versa)

As for Jerry I know the easiest and simplest way to get rid of him without having to do it all myself

If Jonathan asks me to officially be his girlfriend this Sunday AND we have our first kiss...then I will have to say good-bye to Jerry!

However I still think Jerry needs to be given a chance to prove his worth

You don't owe any one here an explanation. "Norms" are irrelevant to what fits you best and what keeps you feeling safe.


These are entirely relevant fears. Especially because people can be deceptive/dishonest (example: lying about past sexual relations, or 'stealthing'). A decent sexual education, safe sex practices, and having real trust with your partner drastically decrease these risks.

Well we are learning about sex and intimacy at Day Program with the "Circles curriculum" so that is helping a little bit

And I believe I did Sex-Ed in high school


You're 31 and haven't had one yet? We need to drop kick your Doctor. Generally they start you with that at 21. If you're generally healthy and not having sex it may get pushed back, but you really ought to be having them done now.

They are awkward first and foremost. There can be some cramping with them but otherwise are easy enough. I was much more worried about sex hurting than my first pap

I just think it is weird that they put a metal speculum in your vagina and stick a toothbrush up there to check for cervical cancer

If it really is not as bad as I fear then I will do it!

There is an OBGYN at the medical clinic where my therapist is so a Pap smear can be accomplished very easily!


It's fine to wait until marriage if that is what you really want to do. I think most people generally want to know if they're sexually compatible before pledging to spend their life with someone. Sex isn't end all be all, but if it's always bleh it can really damper a relationship. Rushing because you're scared of being a 40 year old virgin wouldn't be good. Its best to do what feels right for you and not go off fear...or even over excitement(though plenty do the latter)

You said your brother is also on the spectrum before didn't you? Change is be hella scary. I don't blame him for that. Test drives of him being alone for short stints ought to help ease him into it. You could also start to look for someone that could be a roomate/friend for him now. If possible, then have them move in with you two before you were to move out for awhile. Doing something like that would probably help him acclimate.

I would see how it goes on a first come first serve basis. I wouldn't pit men against each other but it's not like you intend to do that anyway.

I would get your pap smear for the sake of it and you don't need to go before sex anyway. I noticed HPV seems to be a big cause of cancer and seeing you're a virgin I wouldn't be overly worried about it, especially at your age. I don't really know why people are getting a bit naggy about it.

Of course I'm not pitting them against each other but how else do I determine and choose which one is compatible with me to date and marry?

It is mainly my neighbor Lorry and Cathy and my therapist but I could probably start having sex without getting a Pap smear right away

But like I said I will do it just to get everyone off my back!

OK so who the heck is Jerry and Richard?

Jerry is my current boyfriend who is a criminal which is why everyone wants me to leave him and Richard is the owner of Community Compass Day Program

I would go with whoever crosses the line first. I wouldn't dwell on it too much. You would be surprised how straightforward sex really is.

I would go with whoever crosses the line first. I wouldn't dwell on it too much. You would be surprised how straightforward sex really is.

You mean the first man to actually initiate sex right?

I have seen a LOT of TV shows and movies where the man and woman are making out against the wall passionately and then it moves into the bedroom

That is my personal fantasy but I just need to GET THERE!! !

I am sure sex is straightforward

OK so who the heck is Jerry and Richard?

They are a part of her love triangle, it sounds like.

This centre or unit or what ever it it seems like a rum place